Uninvolved grandparents

[Amjk]

Hey everybody. I’m just stuck and wanted to know other people’s opinions.
I have a 2 year old, and my husbands parents have never met him. They have told my husband they don’t ever want to meet him and they have disowned my son basically, all because they didn’t want us to get married as they would rather he had an arranged marriage to his cousin.
My problem is my husband allows this to happen, I feel like it’s wrong and he should defend his child. I told him if my parents ever done this I wouldn’t even speak to
my parents anymore. I would cut my family off for this. Thankfully my parents love my son and have been involved since the day he was born ❤️ however I just feel really disrespected as he’s got other children with his ex wife, his parents are involved in those children’s lives but just want nothing to do with my baby. Am I wrong for expecting him to cut his family off? I just feel as a father it’s his duty to defend his child and not let his family treat him like that.

I'm willing to bet your husband won't be around much longer. If he avoids a custodial sentence, sooner or later he'll marry that cousin. So it really doesn't matter if his parents accept your son or not in the long term. Be thankful for your own family, stick close to them and prepare to bring your son up alone with their support.

So you’re not actually married, you’re legally single, and live alone. What is there to leave? The boyfriends uninterested parents are the least messed up thing about this whole mess.

The way I understand bail conditions can be reviewed. Why would you get involved with somebody under criminal actions?

He had 4 charges and is on bail for being in a friends house who had drugs?

Hmmm

What are the actual charges?

And how old are you?

This whole situation is so messy and weird and I don't know why you don't want better for yourself and your child? You're in a relationship with a spineless man who's happy for his parents to disrespect you and never meet his child.

You are ridiculous for getting involved and staying involved in this situation.
They are all treating you and now your son like you don't exist.
And you keep hanging around like a bad smell.
That's going to be great for the kids self esteem.
Desperately trying to get scraps of attention and respect.
You were seriously stupid to have a baby with this “man".
At least put your son first and go and make a life for him where HE matters.
If you stay around putting up with this you deserve no sympathy.

@jemimapuddlepluck i will try my best 😊

@5128gap yes I’m very lucky to have my family. Thank you for your advice

@B0g yes, your right! I guess I just wanted my son to have both of his parents together, I wanted it to work but too much has happened

@OhcantthInkofaname i have been with him for 3 years. These arrests and cases happened last year so when I got with him there was no criminal activity! X

@MrNook i think the actually charges are concerned with supplying. I just turned 25, he is 36. I know my child deserve better, I just wanted him to have his parents together, plus I didn’t want him to struggle as his dad was the one providing. But as he’s getting older I can start trying to provide for him. So I guess there isn’t a single reason to stay in the relationship. Thank you! You have really helped

@Thepossibility your 100% right tbh. Just want to say thank you because you’ve helped me make a decision to leave. Him and his whole family have treated me and his son like trash. It’s not worth it. Thank you again x

I dont doubt that. Show him what a strong, confident, happy woman looks like. You are better than this. You are better than your husband.

Op I’m glad you’ve decided to leave this man:

1. He appears to me a criminal
2. He already has one failed marriage
3. His parents are racist

Does she? She sounds like a damn fool to me.
Her child deserves more than the both of them.

Well, it does. for most of history in the western world, cousin marriages were illegal. The parish priest kept a kin book so that people could check on the suitability of the potential partner..

we don’t breed animals to their close relations, because there are so many physical or temperamental problems as a result.

But you’re not ‘together’, a man who impregnated you, lives separately, (is he actually married to the other ‘wife’?) is not being together. You need employment and secure housing if you haven’t got it already, the man can pay for his new kid by CMS. Do work on yourself for your standards, self esteem and how to keep low quality males away from your kid. There is no protection in place that you’d get from legal marriage.

Is this Asian culture? Indian, Pakistani? This subservience to parents no matter what is fairly typical for men in these cultures.

OP, I did not read all of this thread, bit it seems to me that for all intents and purposes it seems as though both he and his parents have essentially moved on from you. That decision is completely out of your hands.

Perhaps, his family realizes that if he is incarcerated , they may have to contribute to the support of his legal and have no desire to be faced with responsibility to or for a second family.

Your partner has been less than responsible and from the way that he is responding, he may share his parents feelings about you and your son.

These people and their son, are not going to accept you or your son. You should accept the fact that you are a single parent and prepare yourself to be a financially self - sufficient parent.

Your son won't be needing a relationship with grandparents who do not wish to have a relationship with him.

I'm glad you have decided to leave, I hope you are able to follow through with your decision.
You and your child deserve so much better.

So decision made

do you have a plan to put the decision in to motion?