Do they teach children at school about bad people and how to spot them and how to protect themselves? If not shouldn’t they?

[Justwondering3]

Im just wondering as I have small children.

I was not taught this by my parents and got myself in all sorts of mess. Does anything happen at school to prepare our children for the big world in case the parents are not able to for whatever reason? Like myself I was highly academically educated but I was emotionally extremely immature.

Yes it’s up to us as parents to do this but some genuinely can’t.

Slightly un related but a girl in my daughters class has just had 10 baby teeth out because her parents gave her fizzy drinks. The parents for whatever reason have not protected this child but she is the one who suffers.

Things I also think people should learn:

Just because your parents are nice doesn’t mean all parents are.

Just because the men in your life don’t abuse or hassle you doesn’t mean the men in others’ lives don’t abuse them. Birds of a feather flock together (so these men can cluster in families or friend groups) and they choose their victims carefully.

Abused children often don’t complain about being abused or even realise they are being abused. This is their normal and their self esteem is on the floor. They may even get angry or push away people who try to help.

It is possible to “bully from below”. Bosses can be bullied by employees, men can be bullied by women. Bullying is a behaviour, unrelated to your appearance, your gender, your economic status in relation to the other person. (Obviously some bullies have more weapons, eg physical strength, power, than others).

Thanks for those who gave an opinion without blame. We all know teachers intentions are good and that their are parents who unfortunately aren’t able to model great relationships. We all live in a society and just saying we don’t need to because I’m good thanks and bad luck to the others is quite sad. We don’t live in a vacuum.

It’s good to look at things and consider change, moving forward with the knowledge we have. I agree time and money is a major issue and people just don’t like change.

I wish my parents had done this. I was brough up to think every person is lovely. Had to learn a lot the hard way.

And school didn’t knock that out of you?!

@OldFan I was brought up with a mum who didn’t heal from her own childhood. She wasn’t outwardly abusive. She couldn’t handle her emotions and I pleased her so I didn’t make her angry and reject me. I also learnt the really hard way. I think there is a lot of this about.

OP, I'm going to throw this back at you. Not to be facetious but as a genuine question.

You clearly feel quite strongly about this and I might even agree with you in some respects that something needs to be done.

What would you suggest? In your head, what does it look like? What do you think needs to be done?

Because at the moment, all you've got is 'sethijg needs to be done'. Why do you assume that is someone else's responsibility?

I ask because there is an organisation that works in my area that probably does address lot of what you're suggesting. Not by teaching children how to recognise bad people but by teaching boundaries, self respect and self esteem so that, hopefully, they will feel when someone is 'off' rather than identifying individual 'bad people'.

They go into schools (who buy in their services and run workshops with vulnerable children. But they are not universal. The organisation was set up by one woman who felt it was needed.

Have you contacted your MP? Have you spoken to your daughters school and told them what she needs? (That's what many of us with children with additional meets have had to do). Have you looked into setting up a programme yourself? Started to campaign for one? Raised awareness?

These 'other people' on whom you are relying, who are they? Or are you just assuming that 'someone else' should do it and absolving yourself of responsibility in favour of an anonymous 'someone'?

@OldChinaJug you know what I haven’t looked that far yet tbh. It’s a brand new thought in my mind. But that’s sound advice. I think it’s hard to distinguish who is vulnerable. I was vulnerable but certainly did not look like it. Something universal would be a must I would think.

I do not think it’s someone else’s responsibility. I’m merely asking a question to gain knowledge for my brain to form an understanding. I’d absolutely be interested in helping once I’ve put in some measures to make sure I don’t get triggered. One lady who I came across by pure luck showed me such kindness at my darkest time, she saved my life. I believe this must be paid forward.

School curriculum these days includes much more than it used to, about keeping safe, different relationships, and where to get help if you need it. In the 1980s it was all 'stranger danger', but now we know that sadly children are more at risk from people they know than strangers and what they teach at school reflects that.

@33goingon64 yep change is good. I’m not necessarily saying it needs to be about child related abuse. I meant teaching them things (I’m unsure how to work this) that will make them more aware of self, eg boundaries, people pleasing, so they can live in the adult world with mature emotions. Lots of adults live in the world with there emotional intelligence immature. I was one.

From what I can see there’s much more emphasis on managing and being aware of emotions these days

E.g most people think anger is bad, it’s not. Fear is bad, it’s not. We taught don’t be scared, but what’s wrong with being scared. These emotions tell us things. Are children taught this at school?

Maturity in those areas could help them spot “bad” or “unhealthy” or whatever we can call them in the future by listening to how these people make them feel and acting. Not even “bad” just people, situations etc that aren’t good for them. I don’t know I could just be waffling.

Parents' job.
Along with 80% of other things that are shoe horned badly into 6 hours of school.

My daughter said to me recently every time I see my daddy I get a stomach ache, he gets a bit angry because I don’t want to eat his food he cooks for me. I can see the link, she is anxious and her body is telling her so but she doesn’t connect that with the situation. Wouldn’t this be good to teach (if it is then I’m ok to be wrong). I can step in and teach her because I’ve learnt that lesson in a very hard way. Can everyone?

It’s either the case the that either

you ignore the school emails advising that a police officer is in to talk about personal safety; a dental hygienist in talking about the impact of fizzy drinks and importance of dental hygiene, the PSHE lessons on cowardice behaviour, abusive relationships, what constitutes a sexual assault…. I could go on

or

your daughter’s school is shit

because my children are very regularly coming home with their schools with updates re “Mum did you know that Becca’s mum thinks she was in a coercive relationship?” “no, I didn’t” “yeah we were talking about it after our PSHE lesson”

and I could numerous examples over the years of similar on a multitude of issues

On coercive not cowardice!

Schools have undergone a seismic shift in their approach to this.

but I suspect you are focussing on your experience decades ago and presuming the same

@Villssev Im talking about how they connect with their own feelings not how they perceive other peoples. It’s about personal control.

I don’t think this seismic shift has had much of an impact on the mental health of teenagers and young adults.

Yes, covered in relationships that are covered regularly at age appropriate levels

added to which, your OP was “how to spot bad people”. Rather different?

I can see the link, she is anxious and her body is telling her so but she doesn’t connect that with the situation. Wouldn’t this be good to teach (if it is then I’m ok to be wrong). I can step in and teach her because I’ve learnt that lesson in a very hard way. Can everyone?
I think most people/parents would spot anxiety around the food being cooked and stomach ache OP. It is hardly quantum physics.
It is an excellent point to teach......so as her parent, teach it to her!
Miss Smith, teaching year 4 doesn’t have enough hours in the day to teach every child about every conceivable emotional response they will have throughout their lives.

@QueenBee1234 and who will teach those children whose parents don’t?

Your heart is in the right place OP

but ultimately your OP and follow up posts reads like the first draft of a year 8’s homework on an “issue”

ie you have given it very very little thought