Do they teach children at school about bad people and how to spot them and how to protect themselves? If not shouldn’t they?

[Justwondering3]

Im just wondering as I have small children.

I was not taught this by my parents and got myself in all sorts of mess. Does anything happen at school to prepare our children for the big world in case the parents are not able to for whatever reason? Like myself I was highly academically educated but I was emotionally extremely immature.

Yes it’s up to us as parents to do this but some genuinely can’t.

Slightly un related but a girl in my daughters class has just had 10 baby teeth out because her parents gave her fizzy drinks. The parents for whatever reason have not protected this child but she is the one who suffers.

This is 100% a parents job, not the schools job. Teachers have enough on their plate and already teach PSHE.

That's what I'm shocked most about on this thread.

I understand teachers are stretched for time etc but the amount of people saying it's the parents job and if they're not up to it then tough.

What have the poor children down to deserve being neglected because of the (in)ability of their. They're innocent in all of this and deserve the same start to life as anyone else

espo similitude - responsibility.

Im not necessarily saying that it is the teachers jobs. I don’t have much experience in this field so just wondering what is taught in this subject. Perhaps too much of the school day is about academia and succeeding in that field.

@Justwondering3 parents don’t take responsibility for anything anymore - it’s all someone else’s job. It’s one of the reasons that teaching has become a job very few people want to do anymore 🤷‍♀️.

Sounds extremely victim blaming to me. If they could let us all know "how to spot" abusers in advance of them abusing, can they let the rest of us know please?

Rapists aren't rapists until they start raping.

Abusers aren't abusers straight away, they wait until we are dependant on them and seem perfectly loving and respectable until then.

The lesson should be "do not behave in these ways as they are illegal" teach people how to gain enthusiastic consent and how consent can be withdrawn anytime. That being married isn't consent. To seek professional help if they have trouble controlling their temper etc.

In my days many moons ago. The kind teachers will weave it into conversations in lessons if the opportunity arises. However I know these days they do teach about changing sex.

It is worth teaching at school. I teach myself but to my teens I’m just mum. I tell them a lot about the world, life and people of course but sometimes it just hits harder coming from an external person outside of the home.

Most of it is hidden. We have some incredibly damaged children in our school. Children who were born into shit families with crappy parents.

By the time they get to us, the damage has been done. We already use the school budget to employ a visitor therapist - many schools I've worked in do.

Where parents aren't doing it already, there's little we can do. We can give out the information but, tbh, it doesn't register with the most damaged children because its hardwired into them. There is very little we can do at this point as teachers.

I'm a teacher. I'm not trained or qualified in intensive therapy. And ,tbh, understanding attachment issues doesn't equip us with the time nor the skill set to address it. All we can do is be understanding.

@SwordToFlamethrower yes I did say down the thread I worded it incorrectly. I meant more so about certain flags to spot and boundaries etc. Abusers were also children at school once.

@OldChinaJug

Totally agree. Usually the damage has been done by the early years. Years ago you would get one or two kids in the class nice like this, now the numbers have expodentially just exploded so that learning feels impossible. Too many barriers.

In my experience many teachers already go way above and beyond their remit when it comes to looking out for vulnerable children. Not directly related, but look at what many teachers did to ensure children were kept fed during lockdowns. But as PP has said, many people seem to expect them to deal with all of society's failures, when they're already stretched to breaking point with underfunding and gruelling Ofsted regimes. If we want schools to perform these functions (that parents really should be doing, but yes we know many don't/can't), then we need to be realistic about what resources they need to do it properly, rather than finding yet another area in which children are being let down by their parents/society as a whole and wailing "why aren't schools doing anything".

Sorry no idea why I added the word nice.

I weave it in. (And I don't teach they can change sex)

But the children most in need are not the ones who can be reached by a bit of drip feeding. They need more than we can give. Especially when there are so many of them with such different backgrounds and needs.

Many of them don't even recognise that they're living crappy lives. And then you're faced with talking about it and the dawning realisation on their part that we're describing their family.

And I don't have the time then to speak to them about it because all I have is 29 other children who need me to continue with their lesson.

@OldChinaJug my daughter lived in an abusive household for 3 years and now is 7 with an abusive father still as I have no control over that. I would hate to think that people think she is a lost cause. So disheartening.

Thank you ❤️

This is actually quite insulting. No-one is saying that at all.

People are saying that adults who have children have the responsibility. If they fail, there is support but that support cannot become parents.

Did you read my previous post telling you everything that my team and I had dealt with in the last 5 weeks? Is that us saying "oh well, bad luck?" The phone calls I've bene involved with at 8pm trying to safeguard a child, separating brawling adults fighting over gossip between children, dealing with disclosures of sexual abuse, emotional abuse and neglect? Feeding kids as their parents can't afford to.... the list goes on.

@Justwondering3

But there are a lot of lost causes and teachers don’t have the power to really do anything about that. Sure they can teach it to a degree, weave it in but you’re only touching the surface. Like a small plaster.

Teachers cannot be held responsible for who people choose to procreate with.

You're taking quite a simplistic approach. The safety nets aren't just in school. It's not just the responsibility of teachers eg the child that you say you know lost teeth because of fizzy juice (because actually you don't know that but if we take that as fact) then the family would have been engaged with a GP; a midwife; a HV as well as school. The health care professionals are supposed to highlight/teach the parents about caring for teeth, suitable diet, etc.

It seems as though you were abused and feel you were vulnerable because no-one taught you how to avoid abusive people or spot red flags. Schools do teach about boundaries now but they tend to focus on physical rather than emotional.

Vulnerable DCs - who aren't flagged to social services because they are high academic achievers, clean, apparently well cared for - will still be vulnerable to abusive relationships. As you were. There isn't anyone scooping them up or identifying them or helping them to protect themselves. What school can do, and good ones do this, is create a sense of community and constantly mirror good relationships. This can create a safety net that may enable vulnerable people to avoid abuse.

Not once have I said this falls to teachers. It’s way deeper then that. There are a few posters tbh that have said they fed of people using bad parents as an excuse.

It's literally in the title of your post.

Both my teens learnt about healthy and unhealthy relationships in school, what abuse could look like and that it could start at any point in any relationship. Its part of their personal development lessons but has been talked about in other lessons too.

It’s important as a parent that you talk to your kids yourself though and try to model healthy relationships. It’s a shame that some people say it’s victim blaming to give warnings, I don’t care though, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure my kids are as prepared as I can going forward.

Sorry the child in question is 7. It was the case of the child being given fizzy drinks as the father said outside the school. She was caught coming to school with redbull in her drink bottle. That was just an example of a child suffering.

Like most things, these are issues that parents and schools should work together on.

I don't know about "spotting bad people" but my DC's school certainly teaches things like health & safety, personal autonomy, consent, self-respect, listening to one's instincts, making good choices, how to ask for help, etc. They cover all this from Reception onwards. But of course it's parents that are ultimately responsible for their kids and probably have greater influence, so they need to be on board and enforce the same principles at home. It's not an either/or thing.