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Original poster

I can't decide between my ex and my current gf

39 replies

CinderGhoul · 28/03/2023 07:41

I fell in love with my ex when I was in my late twenties. She was fun and energetic. She brought many good memories in my life. We were in relationship for 3 years. But she was always confused between me and her ex so i left the scene to give her space and broke up. I still loved her but decided to give her space. It was very difficult for me to do that and also left her country.

During these two years I met a new girl. Unlike my ex she was very shy and loves me truly. She doesn't have anyone who cares about her, her family is very selfish. One of her close family member even tried to take advantage of her physically when she was young. It really hurt me to see a beautiful soul like her suffer. So I took care of her and gave her love she always longed. We were both happy together for a while, until last week.

Last week i got call from my ex asking me how i was doing and saying she misses me and wants to be with me forever. She also apologized was being young and stupid saying she should have never let me go and that i was the best. I was heartbroken when she said that because I always wanted to hear those words from her when I was with her but I never heard it. Now she is older and realises her mistake.

Now the same pattern that i had in my previous relationship is repeating in my current relationship and this time it's me. I really hate myself for being confused and not choosing my current girlfriend right away. Obviously staying with my gf would be the right choice ethically and logically, but with my ex i had beautiful memories that haunt me at night. Please help 😔

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 28/03/2023 07:44

Your ex is bad news. Tell her to fuck off?

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 28/03/2023 07:48

Your current girlfriend deserves better. Leave her and give her a chance to find someone who truly loves her.

Your ex will screw you over again, but you'll probably go back there anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sundaycoffeeisthebest · 28/03/2023 07:48

Your ex has either just been dumped, or is about to be and she's looking for somewhere to jump to.

She'll ruin your life, and then dump you again. Don't go there.

LaPerduta · 28/03/2023 08:52

This sounds like the plot of Lip Service.

aSofaNearYou · 28/03/2023 09:04

MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 28/03/2023 07:48

Your current girlfriend deserves better. Leave her and give her a chance to find someone who truly loves her.

Your ex will screw you over again, but you'll probably go back there anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

This.

2chocolateoranges · 28/03/2023 09:07

An ex is an ex for a reason, never go back.

WildAloofRebel · 28/03/2023 09:08

Just from the title, neither of them.

Everyone should be with someone who only has eyes for them.

Cinnamon23 · 28/03/2023 09:11

Neither.

If you were truly happy with current gf, you wouldn’t be thinking about choosing ex - and current gf deserves better.
As for ex, she is ex for a reason.

End it with both, have some time for yourself and get over ex for good before you move on with anyone else.

perfectcolourfound · 28/03/2023 09:37

If you aren't sure, then choose neither.

Not being sure means you don't truly love either of them.

Treeabovethefire · 28/03/2023 09:43

Fuck the ex off. Have you heard the saying that if you can’t decide between two people then choose the second, because if you truly loved the first then you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the second? Well your ex fucked you off for someone else. She may have realised she made a mistake, either he turned out to be an arsehole or he’s dumped her, but you still weren’t her first choice, which means that you never will be. You were her back up then, and you’re still her back up now. And your new girlfriend sounds lovely. She doesn’t deserve this.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 28/03/2023 09:47

Are you with your current girlfriend because you truly love her and want to be with her or are you with her because you feel she needs you and you can fill some of the gaps in her life and make her life better?

The way you describe her is more as a child that you take care of and give love to and less as an equal partner. What does she bring to your life?

It has only been a week, it is normal to have some confusion when someone from your past shows up again and old feelings and memories resurface.

First you need to not engage in any further interaction or conversation with your ex. Thank her for letting you know, let her know you are in a relationship currently but appreciate her reaching out.

Secondly you need to decide if you really think the relationship you are in is what you want and is healthy for you - even if your ex wasn't in the picture or didn't want you back. There is no way to know if your relationship with your ex will or could work so don't make decisions based on an idealized or fantasy future. Just like your ex leaving you for her ex didn't work out - you should assume you and your ex won't work out either.

If your current relationship is more out of guilt or obligation or filling a missing hole for her - you need to end it. Does your current girlfriend meet your needs? You really only mention meeting hers? Does she enrich your life and take care of you and give you what you need the way you do for her? Decide if you want to be with your girlfriend or not - don't stay with her just to be with someone and don't leave assuming that will mean a new relationship with your ex.

Zoopyloo · 28/03/2023 09:58

End it with your current girlfriend, you clearly don’t deserve her otherwise you wouldn’t even contemplate going back to your ex. Whether or not you go back to your ex is irrelevant.

Opentooffers · 28/03/2023 10:11

The right and moral thing would be to leave your current GF, so you've got that wrong for a start.
You are obviously a person who craves what they can't fully have rather thanwhat's in front of them, so likely to go from one to the next in future, not staying in love with anyone. If you loved your GF, you wouldn't think twice about your ex, so it's clear that you don't and should cut her loose to find someone who does.

BreviloquentBastard · 28/03/2023 10:57

Leave your current girlfriend, she deserves better than someone who is still "haunted at night" by their ex and who talks about her like she's an adopted puppy not a human.

Go back to your ex and hope she doesn't get bored of you again and run back to her own ex.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 28/03/2023 11:23

Do you actually love your current gf or do you feel you fill a void in her life?

whattodo1975 · 28/03/2023 11:26

Tell your ex to fuck off, but also your currently GF you seem to have an odd relationship based more on pity for her rather than genuine romantic love.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 28/03/2023 11:28

Doesn't sound like you love your current GF sounds like your with her out of pity.

Pick neither. Neither are right for you.

fruitbrewhaha · 28/03/2023 11:28

The way you describe your current GF is weird. It's like she is a vulnerable child who needs rescuing. It's not the basis of a good relationship.

username1722 · 28/03/2023 22:18

Please break up with your current girlfriend. She does not deserve this. And it sounds like your relationship is built upon you feeling sorry for her and wanting to protect her. That is not the same as romantic love.

As for your ex, maybe she's being genuine, maybe she's not. Either way, the only innocent party here is your current girlfriend.

Pinkbonbon · 28/03/2023 22:27

WildAloofRebel · 28/03/2023 09:08

Just from the title, neither of them.

Everyone should be with someone who only has eyes for them.

This.

Try being single.
You aren't into the current gf and she deserves better. And you haven't seen your ex in years and she was a pain in the ass then so sod all to say she wouldn't be a pain in the ass again now. Talk is cheap.

TattoedLady · 28/03/2023 22:43

Ethically and logically you shouldn't be with your current GF if you are haunted by your ex. That's a shit situation to put your GF in. Break up with her and let her find someone who won't stutter the moment their ex comes back on the scene.

Your ex left you for another person? And it took them TWO YEARS to realise their mistake? I'd hazard a guess they're recently single.

Choose neither.

Moser85 · 28/03/2023 23:08

Treeabovethefire · 28/03/2023 09:43

Fuck the ex off. Have you heard the saying that if you can’t decide between two people then choose the second, because if you truly loved the first then you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the second? Well your ex fucked you off for someone else. She may have realised she made a mistake, either he turned out to be an arsehole or he’s dumped her, but you still weren’t her first choice, which means that you never will be. You were her back up then, and you’re still her back up now. And your new girlfriend sounds lovely. She doesn’t deserve this.

In this case the ex would be the second.
He's in a relationship with one woman but thinking about a second woman....so therefore the current girlfriend isn't the right one for him...and he's not right for her. She deserves better.

Sleepyandconfused · 29/03/2023 00:12

Guarantee your ex has just been dumped and wants a rebound who will shower her with love and security and comfort until she’s recovered from her heartbreak and finds someone better. Don’t do it.

MsDogLady · 29/03/2023 01:00

@CinderGhoul, my heart goes out to your current GF. Her relationship with you is not what she believes it to be. She thinks you’re in love and committed, but here you are considering a better offer. You’ve never been fully available to her.

Treat her with the respect she deserves and end things. She needs to be free to find an equal relationship with the man who will truly love, adore and cherish her…and who doesn’t spend his nights fantasizing about the one who got away.

As for your Ex, I have a feeling that you’re going to learn another hard lesson about her.

MsDogLady · 29/03/2023 03:11

The thing is, it would be a dick move to be messaging/calling/meeting up with your Ex while making this decision. You’d be making a fool of your current GF if you hedge your bets with her while trying out the Ex. You’d be letting her down, just like all the others from her past.

If you are considering pursuing a relationship with the Ex, have the decency to end things with GF first.