How to support the guy I like after he’s been through domestic violence

[LimpetsMummy]

Hi after a 7 year break from relationships I’ve got back on the dating horse. I’m 45 met a guy the same age, have loads in common, we really like one another & keen on seeing where things go.

we are great friends & I am keen that regardless of what happens we try & keep that friendship. Like any potential blossoming relationship there’s ups & downs (more ups than anything) but he has been through domestic violence & understandably has a lot of blocks/defences in place. he’s never been married but I have we also have 3 kids each. I’m more wear your heart in your sleeve show/say how you feel & he’s very reserved. He does little things to surprise me like sends me gifts when I least expect it, the breakthrough came at the weekend when he was complimenting me & said I love you, you are amazing which I wasn’t expecting. He knows how I feel has for months but is a man of few words so when he shows it it’s so special. I’m not going anywhere and reiterate that I want to show him my support, understanding & help him learn to love himself as well as loving others & accept he is worthy of a relationship.

Such hurdles I’ve faced are he opens up a tiny bit but then I think he feels he’s showed too much of himself and the walls go back up, I’ll try and get him to come out just for drinks, bit of food & a laugh just to relax but haven’t managed to get him to do that yet. Is there any advice anyone can give or has been through a similar set up. How did things work out for them? I’m happy with baby steps, slow & steady approach but conscious I don’t want to hurt anyone.

"you can’t gatekeep who posts on a parenting website."

@FloydPepper you're absolutely right. We can't. However we can,and do, gatekeep the style, language and content used by other members of the site. That's how it works.

Lots of man hating here. Bit sad

Have you genuinely never read any of the loads of threads on that?

not to re-hash them all but are only mums allowed on here then?

And with that I have issue. This place does have its own style and culture, and it self selects that.

what it doesn’t do is let someone say that because the website contains the word “mum” then only mothers can post, and certainly no men…

pixie5121

i read a lot of threads here and for some reason I remember alot , and I’ve noticed your posts ad they are unusually angry

it’s not faux concern as I’ve see you posting sometimes feeling rather sad
and in fact I’ve sent friendly replies at times which you have sometimes not even bothered responding to

you can be as aggressive as you like , but I’m just giving some feedback that of the many thousands that post here your posts stand out and I wondered if you were aware how you show up , and if this maybe shows up in RL interactions

However we can,and do, gatekeep the style, language and content used by other members of the site. That's how it works

ish ! I’ve lost count of how many nasty threads I’ve seen , I don’t even venture into aibu anymore .As it’s staggering how many people will use the safety of their keyboard to pile onto someone who’s distressed

i don’t know goes through peoples heads tbh

In my experience, man-hating is often a synonym for not man-centring. I actually haven't seen any man hating on this thread. Can you direct me to some?

Brilliant

”how dare you disagree with me, that’s why I don’t like men!”

I meant NO issue. Bloody autocorrect

You seem very angry about Ken being on a parenting website. I’m going to disengage now as this topic has been done to death and your anger at me and others being here isn’t going to make us go away. I think we’ve derailed this thread enough with that.

Men
although there probably is a Ken here too…