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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If you had an emotionally abusive relationship..

102 replies

Ducksinarow1987 · 26/03/2023 22:16

Did they eventually stop trying to control you? I split from ExDP a few weeks ago, we have a shared house to sort and one DS (4) ExDp has flitted between absolute denial and love bombing, to mental breakdown and wanting to end it all, to hating me and trying to manipulate my every move. I'm exhausted.

He hasn't really done anything with our son at all over the years. But now he's getting nowhere with me he's love bombing our son (is this even a thing?) I would love for our son to have a good relationship with his dad but why does it all feel coercive like a way to get at me rather than play his role? I've always done 80% of my sons care (ex is generally disinterested) but suddenly ex is making all sorts of demands. I am due to go away with our son for a break with my parents but ex says I am taking him away from him (I've literally been away with DS so so so many times, most times the ex doesn't even checkin with how he is)

He's never ever suggested so much as a day out for the pair of them without me encouraging him (and then him calling me controlling) but now says he needs to take him away himself (yet he never even gets up with him in the mornings!) I'm so tired of feeling controlled but also like a bad mother for seemingly trying to stop him spending time with his son.

Will it always be like this? Will he always be trying to manipulate me even when we aren't together? I'm so utterly fed up. I want what's best for my son but ex seems only willing to do what is best for him and it makes me so sad.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ducksinarow1987 · 03/04/2023 14:56

Lavenderfowl · 03/04/2023 14:44

The GP recorded what had happened in the past but said as it wasn’t currently happening she did not need to report it further. I was able to assure her that he wasn’t directly abusing the DC at the time, but promised that I would let her know if that changed.

part of the reason for telling the GP is to have a paper trail with the relevant agencies - school, GP and police - so that it can be used in child arrangements for the children later on; my solicitor said that because we had proof of my XH’s temper it would be very difficult for him to ask for 50/50…

This is exactly what I wanted to hear. Did you have GP AND police records?

OP posts:

Lavenderfowl · 03/04/2023 15:04

I had GP records for my mental health as a result of his treatment of me, and his treatment of my dc was recorded as part of that (nothing separate on their records). My X has also had contact with GP due to previous anger management counselling, solicitor said that would stop any request for prolonged contact with DC, at most he’d get a few days at a time. With regards to the Police, on the advice of a couple of regular posters I had a marker put on my address, so that if my X turned up and started behaving badly (all EA, not physical), then my request for help would take priority.

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