Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Airport gifts - would this annoy you?

126 replies

SandyThumb · 26/03/2023 17:15

DH & I - married 25+ years etc, no longer in the ‘romantic gifts’ stage etc and mostly buy things we want for ourselves, or give specific suggestions for birthdays/Christmas etc. I’m very against wasting money on unnecessary tat etc.
DH has been away on a ‘boys trip’ with some male friends and texted me from return airport saying ‘do we need anything from duty free?’ I replied ‘no thanks/think we’re fine’. We had loads of alcohol left over from Christmas when DH went out and bought too much (despite me pointing out we didn’t need it).
He then sent me a photo of a perfume I used to wear about 10 years ago, but stopped as I went off it. He also knows this, as he has suggested it before and I explained. I replied ‘no thanks, don’t wear that anymore’
He’s now texted ‘well what about something else?’ and is sending me random pics of all sorts of crap in the airport.
I can’t explain, but this has really pissed me off! I think maybe the other blokes are buying (nice?) stuff for their wives and he feels pressured to do the same, but realised he doesn’t know what, and is trying to make it my problem?

OP posts:
BumWad · 26/03/2023 22:55

You sound ungrateful

Ndd135632 · 26/03/2023 23:00

SandyThumb · 26/03/2023 20:02

Thank you - THIS is exactly what I mean.

If he really thought about he could probably find something - he knows my phone case is cracked, or I need a fitbit strap etc.
But there is zero effort on his part - just a barrage of messages making it my immediate problem to tell him what I want and getting huffy when I say nothing thanks.

I'm not a make-up, handbags, scarves sort of person. I have skin issues which mean that I can't/don't use a lot of mainstream skin and make-up brands. He knows this. He continued to give me the same perfume two years in a row even after I asked him to stop as I had bottles to spare. I was giving it away to the school tombola!

If he'd bothered to give me some notice - texted me this morning saying 'I'll be passing through duty free later, let me know if you'd like anything' then maybe I could have given it some thought and offered some ideas, but no, it only occurs to him when he's standing there and then he wants to make it my problem to solve for him. Then he's phoning me on the home phone because I'm not replying to all his messages/ pictures or answering my mobile!

Show quote history

Chanel lipstick. Or Chanel something. Easy OP.

MaryDerry · 26/03/2023 23:32

My partner works away regularly. I enjoy the gifts from the airport / train station/ service station. Or rather I appreciate the thought.

I don't do beauty products but I appreciate his awkwardness entering a high end/ over priced store and looking/asking for a product I'd use/like.

He can't get out to shops in the areas he's at. Sometimes he can't phone us.

Yet we must be an easy breeze in our household cos' our eyes light up at the packs of biscuits he gets on the train (I eat them when I'm travelling - never make it home).

Pyaar · 27/03/2023 04:26

Some people aren't great at gifts and it's not the end of the world, you're making this a big deal by getting offended by it. You should have just said "I'd like to spend the money on a dinner out/takeaway instead" or just ask for the phone case/watch strap!

Of all the things to come on mumsnet to moan about! Give me strength

MiddleParking · 27/03/2023 04:37

He rang the home phone because he didn’t like your first answer via text? I’d be murderous. Also, who buys stuff in duty free these days? Finding novelty in being in an airport is one thing but wanting to spend actual money on shite there is quite another.

Onthemaintrunkline · 27/03/2023 04:55

I think you need to appreciate that he actually thinks of you! He mightn’t get it exactly right, but hey cut him some slack, the guy is trying! Isn’t it meant to be the ‘thought’ that counts? YAB very U in my opinion.

TheWestIsTheBest · 27/03/2023 05:09

DiveinQuick · 26/03/2023 19:37

I’d be replying
Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir, large bottle perfume not hand cream. Ta

At least you’ll get something you’d like.

I got a lovely big bottle of Jo Malone Sea Salt and Wood Sage the last time my husband called me from Duty Free. I was delighted!

landbeforegrime · 27/03/2023 05:30

i get your point OP but ignoring his messages and calls at this point seems a bit unreasonable. can't you just answer or reply and tell him what you've written here - don't want anything, save the money for a meal, stop trying to show off/push something on me last minute that I don't want because it's actually upsetting me and shows you don't really listen or care? or maybe it's more reasonable to say that once he's back, but ignoring his calls and messages is not great - he might be worried about you all the way back. and if his plane never lands you'll be thinking I can't believe i ignored his last call because I didn't like that perfume. it's possibly extreme but I'd never ignore someone I loved trying to contact me from an airport.

Moser85 · 27/03/2023 06:16

Jeez, these aren't the actions of a loving kind husband wanting to buy his wife a gift, this is a crazy man who won't take no for an answer because HE has decided his wife SHOULD want something from the airport because HE HAS DECIDED this is a good idea and a good use of his time and will make him look good in front of HIS mates.

As if he's trying to make himself look good in front of his mates, I don't think men try to impress each other in such wholesome ways 😂

Ttwinkletoes · 27/03/2023 06:18

Yes, DH did this -came back with a group of friends - they all tested various perfumes and decided the one they all bought was the best - Chanel Chance. Very old fashioned fuggy smell - and it came with two refills 🙄

outwiththeoldinwiththenewish · 27/03/2023 06:51

Swapshopping · 26/03/2023 18:30

"Thanks so much for thinking of getting me something, it's a kind thought. How bout we spend fifty quid on a dinner out/takeaway/cinema trip/whatever rather than perfume though?"

You're being a bit of a dick op

Yes to this.

MissBattleaxe · 27/03/2023 10:51

Also, who buys stuff in duty free these days? I don't know. Millions of people every day?

Wishimaywishimight · 27/03/2023 15:25

Maybe I'm a simple creature but I just don't read as much into these things as some people seem to. I would merely think "ah, he wants to buy me something nice" and I'd tell him what perfume or whatever I wanted. No biggie. Not every little interaction / communication is a reflection on any deeper feelings.

Sunshine275 · 27/03/2023 16:52

Oh bless him, he’s trying to do something nice and yes maybe the others are doing the same and he feels he should be too.

Str3bor · 27/03/2023 17:29

you are just making an assumption that the other men are buying stuff. you are on here moaning about everything he buys you so when he does ask you what you want so he can get it right you moan about that aswell, sounds like he can’t win. Why don’t you just tell him the perfume you do wear so he can buy you that and appreciate the thought instead of being mad at him because he can’t guess right, not everyone is good at buying gifts.

IWineAndDontDine · 27/03/2023 17:34

I get you shouldn't just "be grateful" and he's just showing off or not thinking or whatever. I just can't imagine being so annoyed and rude about my husband for this. I'd be upset if he felt the same about me.

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 17:41

My god! Some people just search for offence to take wherever they can 🙄

Fireflyfunhouse · 27/03/2023 18:07

I would have texted him and said can you get Me a new phone case and a fitbitstrap instead of the stuff he was showing you.
But I would thank him for thinking of you

Mamabear48 · 28/03/2023 10:21

You sound a bit ungrateful he was trying to do a nice thing for you and you’ve pied him 😂

BenCoopersSupportWren · 28/03/2023 11:11

I wonder how low the bar is for men's behaviour in some of the relationships here. I wonder how much shit can be smoothed over and forgotten about for a while because of an expensive present from duty free.

It's not a "nice thing" if you don't want it and he doesn't respect your polite "no thanks".

Whatdayisitalexa · 28/03/2023 13:14

As much as it's nice to receive a well thought out gift, if the money for this gift is coming out of the families finances it's not always a good thing. Obviously we don't know if this is the case here, but I think the OP is saying that she feels the expense is not necessary, especially if it's on something she doesn't want or need. Her husband is unaware that she doesn't wear that perfume anymore, which is a bit hurtful. The boys trip was probably costly so I imagine there's a bit of levelling up here, or even guilt..he's taking cues from his mates not her

Muminthebluecoat · 28/03/2023 13:27

Yes this is so annoying. I bet one of his friends has commented on how he's not getting you anything and he's panicking he looks bad to them. I would just say if you want to pay for something order a takeaway for tonight or book a restaurant for the weekend and leave it.

GMOOH2023 · 28/03/2023 13:39

I bet one of his friends has commented on how he's not getting you anything and he's panicking he looks bad to them.

Well if this is the case then he's pathetic.

I know some people on MN need to dissect every passing comment that is ever made, but in real life it is possible to make your own decisions and not "panic" just because other people do things differently.

If I was with a friend at the airport and they said "Oh, aren't you getting anything for Mr Gmoo?" I would just say "No".

Wouldn't spend a second wondering if I "looked bad".

Everanewbie · 28/03/2023 16:48

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good OP. Being hyper critical of the guy I can see why this might be slightly annoying, but he was trying to make a kind gesture, so cut the poor bugger some slack. There'll come a day where he decides that you were so miserable and ungrateful when he tried to get you something that he wont bother at all, and that will be wrong too!

123wentaway · 28/03/2023 16:54

I’m with you OP. I’ve just been given a piece of airport tat as a thank you for feeding the cat present. I’ll have to take it to a charity shop miles away in case they see it. I don’t drink, don’t like chocolate so tat it was :( I’d rather they’d given a tenner to a charity.