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Original poster

Airport gifts - would this annoy you?

126 replies

SandyThumb · 26/03/2023 17:15

DH & I - married 25+ years etc, no longer in the ‘romantic gifts’ stage etc and mostly buy things we want for ourselves, or give specific suggestions for birthdays/Christmas etc. I’m very against wasting money on unnecessary tat etc.
DH has been away on a ‘boys trip’ with some male friends and texted me from return airport saying ‘do we need anything from duty free?’ I replied ‘no thanks/think we’re fine’. We had loads of alcohol left over from Christmas when DH went out and bought too much (despite me pointing out we didn’t need it).
He then sent me a photo of a perfume I used to wear about 10 years ago, but stopped as I went off it. He also knows this, as he has suggested it before and I explained. I replied ‘no thanks, don’t wear that anymore’
He’s now texted ‘well what about something else?’ and is sending me random pics of all sorts of crap in the airport.
I can’t explain, but this has really pissed me off! I think maybe the other blokes are buying (nice?) stuff for their wives and he feels pressured to do the same, but realised he doesn’t know what, and is trying to make it my problem?

OP posts:
ErinAndTonic · 26/03/2023 18:39

He never said it was a birthday present. He's asking if she would like something. Men can be forgetful and I doubt my own partner would remember what perfume I liked without a reminder. The point is that he's thinking of her instead of spending it on himself.

BillyNoM8s · 26/03/2023 18:40

You do sound fed up of him.

Not all airport merch is crap though. If he's at Doha there's all sorts of lovely things to buy 😃Less so at Luton.

Anycolouryoulike · 26/03/2023 18:43

I'd send him a list.

Prettypaisleyslippers · 26/03/2023 18:43

What fragrance and/or make up do you wear? Just give him something specific, that you will use and then stop being a mardy cow?

viques · 26/03/2023 18:46

Ask him for a giant toblerone.

Pringleface · 26/03/2023 18:51

Botw1 · 26/03/2023 17:18

I'd want to know what he was feeling guilty about

Fucking hell. Should she get her ducks in a row, a free half hour with the solicitor and LTB too?

whynotwhatknot · 26/03/2023 18:52

my dh would have no idea about perfume-i rcently went away and asked him what he wanted he told me i got it-doesnt have to be a drama

YRGAM · 26/03/2023 18:52

What a ridiculous thread

Anycolouryoulike · 26/03/2023 18:54

Imagine being pissed off that your DH wanted to buy you a present. I bet he can't wait to get home to the OPs lovely warm welcome.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 26/03/2023 18:56

DH is the same.every airport trip he seeks out a new whiskey and fancy cigars.

he smokes one cigar a year and probably four single measures of whiskey. Our house is seriously like Oddbins.

Sugargliderwombat · 26/03/2023 18:57

SandyThumb · 26/03/2023 17:27

Oh, and he also said “you’ve got a birthday coming up soon!’

The absolute cheek of it!

Psychonabike · 26/03/2023 19:11

@SandyThumb

I get you, or at least see my own situation in yours...

15 years married and every birthday/ Xmas/ Mothers Day etc I get either get random tat, or something that is very much something I dislike.

For example:
Mugs, mugs and more mugs; even after I have said please stop buying me mugs, there are too many to fit in the cupboard
Books that are a sequel when I haven't read the first
Chick-lit when I'm a diehard non fiction/biography reader
Chocolate cake when its the one kind of cake I dislike
Random cosmetics/ soaps etc that I don't use or don't suit my hair or skin type
Knick knacks when I could cry every day over the mountain of pointless stuff in our home which I am constantly trying to clear

It all sounds so ungrateful from the outside, but for me it's a constant reminder that the person I have wasted 15 years with, doesn't really see me or know who I am. Even worse he is buying like he is buying for some generic idea of a woman. That's what I'm reduced to. A woman shaped object.

And I also get the weird last minute type calls -he wants to buy you something from the airport to tick off the birthday box, so he calls you and makes it your problem. "Here, do the mental work on this, I can't be assed, but come up with something please because that would be more convenient for me than having to think about it at a future date."

MultipleVeganPies · 26/03/2023 19:19

I get you may not want anything but why he grumpy about it?

Is there really nothing you would like?

is he really being the bad guy here?

JupiterFortified · 26/03/2023 19:22

Lol imagine being annoyed at your own husband wanting to buy you a gift.

The absolute audacity of the man.

JupiterFortified · 26/03/2023 19:23

Psychonabike · 26/03/2023 19:11

@SandyThumb

I get you, or at least see my own situation in yours...

15 years married and every birthday/ Xmas/ Mothers Day etc I get either get random tat, or something that is very much something I dislike.

For example:
Mugs, mugs and more mugs; even after I have said please stop buying me mugs, there are too many to fit in the cupboard
Books that are a sequel when I haven't read the first
Chick-lit when I'm a diehard non fiction/biography reader
Chocolate cake when its the one kind of cake I dislike
Random cosmetics/ soaps etc that I don't use or don't suit my hair or skin type
Knick knacks when I could cry every day over the mountain of pointless stuff in our home which I am constantly trying to clear

It all sounds so ungrateful from the outside, but for me it's a constant reminder that the person I have wasted 15 years with, doesn't really see me or know who I am. Even worse he is buying like he is buying for some generic idea of a woman. That's what I'm reduced to. A woman shaped object.

And I also get the weird last minute type calls -he wants to buy you something from the airport to tick off the birthday box, so he calls you and makes it your problem. "Here, do the mental work on this, I can't be assed, but come up with something please because that would be more convenient for me than having to think about it at a future date."

If you feel like you’ve “wasted” 15 years with him why are you still with him?

BenCoopersSupportWren · 26/03/2023 19:24

And I also get the weird last minute type calls -he wants to buy you something from the airport to tick off the birthday box, so he calls you and makes it your problem. "Here, do the mental work on this, I can't be assed, but come up with something please because that would be more convenient for me than having to think about it at a future date."

I was going to say pretty much this. I get your point OP - he thinks that getting you an airport present is something you should want or that he should get (especially if there’s a bit of keeping up with his mates about it) so now it’s become this urgent problem that YOU have to solve for him. Presumably you wouldn’t be huffy if he came home without a present, since you’d explicitly said you didn’t want anything, so all he has to do is respect your polite “no thank you”. Instead he’s giving you the mental load of choosing a gift you don’t even want!

Cheeseandlobster · 26/03/2023 19:24

Swapshopping · 26/03/2023 18:30

"Thanks so much for thinking of getting me something, it's a kind thought. How bout we spend fifty quid on a dinner out/takeaway/cinema trip/whatever rather than perfume though?"

You're being a bit of a dick op

This.

Ooonafoo · 26/03/2023 19:24

Maybe he really misses the scent of your perfume and is nostalgic for those days…..?

BettySundaes · 26/03/2023 19:28

Totally with you. Airport shopping like petrol station flowers is just last minute desperation.

Tell him to go to the airport cash machine and take you out a nice crisp £50.00 note.

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/03/2023 19:31

I'm sorry but you do sound a bit miserable. He's trying to buy you a nice present and you are just being horrible.

DiveinQuick · 26/03/2023 19:37

I’d be replying
Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir, large bottle perfume not hand cream. Ta

At least you’ll get something you’d like.

neitherofthem · 26/03/2023 19:57

Botw1 · 26/03/2023 17:18

I'd want to know what he was feeling guilty about

Don't be so daft. He wants to buy his wife a present, and he doesn't know what to get (because she's notoriously difficult to buy for by the sound of it), so he's asking her what she would like.

Original poster
SandyThumb · 26/03/2023 20:02

BenCoopersSupportWren · 26/03/2023 19:24

And I also get the weird last minute type calls -he wants to buy you something from the airport to tick off the birthday box, so he calls you and makes it your problem. "Here, do the mental work on this, I can't be assed, but come up with something please because that would be more convenient for me than having to think about it at a future date."

I was going to say pretty much this. I get your point OP - he thinks that getting you an airport present is something you should want or that he should get (especially if there’s a bit of keeping up with his mates about it) so now it’s become this urgent problem that YOU have to solve for him. Presumably you wouldn’t be huffy if he came home without a present, since you’d explicitly said you didn’t want anything, so all he has to do is respect your polite “no thank you”. Instead he’s giving you the mental load of choosing a gift you don’t even want!

Thank you - THIS is exactly what I mean.

If he really thought about he could probably find something - he knows my phone case is cracked, or I need a fitbit strap etc.
But there is zero effort on his part - just a barrage of messages making it my immediate problem to tell him what I want and getting huffy when I say nothing thanks.

I'm not a make-up, handbags, scarves sort of person. I have skin issues which mean that I can't/don't use a lot of mainstream skin and make-up brands. He knows this. He continued to give me the same perfume two years in a row even after I asked him to stop as I had bottles to spare. I was giving it away to the school tombola!

If he'd bothered to give me some notice - texted me this morning saying 'I'll be passing through duty free later, let me know if you'd like anything' then maybe I could have given it some thought and offered some ideas, but no, it only occurs to him when he's standing there and then he wants to make it my problem to solve for him. Then he's phoning me on the home phone because I'm not replying to all his messages/ pictures or answering my mobile!

OP posts:
rookiemere · 26/03/2023 20:21

I'd send him a link to the items you do actually want that aren't available from the duty free shop. Maybe ask for a bottle of vodka.

I get what you are saying OP, but I would give him a free pass on the Fitbit - nowadays I link to want for gifts which saves any disappointment.

rookiemere · 26/03/2023 20:23

It does remind me a bit of that scene in Motherland where Julia is single-handedly looking after her demanding ILs and DM whilst cooking Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and her DH rings up from the queue in Aldi or wherever asking if she'd like a turkey baster for her Christmas present.