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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH treating me like crap over DS' chipped tooth

122 replies

user01082312345 · 24/03/2023 12:55

I was giving my 2.5 year old son a bath yesterday evening, and he threw a little tantrum which resulted in him hitting his mouth off the side of the bath, and he chipped one of his front teeth. There was no bleeding or anything, and he doesn't seem to be in any pain, but I booked a dental appointment for him to get it looked at. I feel awful about what happened, but my husband is making me feel ten times worse, he's really angry and says that DS now looks like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber (and he isn't saying it in a jokey way). DH never bathes DS, feeds him, or changes him. I'm the one who does everything, including all the household chores and most of the cooking, as well as putting DS to bed and getting up when he wakes during night (he often wakes 1-3 times during night). DH uses the excuse he works night shift and he's the one who drives DS places (I don't own a car or drive), but he only works 3-4 times a week. I work from home full time while DS goes to nursery. This is the first time DS has ever injured himself, and the way my DH is acting, it's as if he fractured his skull or something. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not the shitty parent DH is making me out to be :( I have no family or friends here to turn to, and my in laws are currently away on vacation so I can't even go to them for a break.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
CleaningOutMyCloset · 27/03/2023 14:11

Of course it has never happened when dc is with home because he never does anything with dc.

Make plans to leave this abusive arsehole

FannyPhart · 27/03/2023 17:37

Honestly if this relationship can't survive a chipped tooth without a reaction like this, then I fear it's doomed. I certainly wouldn't be planning a future here.

Upsidedownagain · 27/03/2023 17:41

How dare he! Doesn't he understand what an accident is? It's hardly a permanent thing anyway, seeing as he will lose the tooth one day or it can be repaired.

You sound very downtrodden that you are even questioning if he is right. And he sounds awful.

Original poster
user01082312345 · 17/04/2023 12:10

Thought I would give you an update if anyone is still interested...

My husband's behaviour hasn't improved, so I gave him an ultimatum: either you move out by the end of the week, or I go and stay in a shelter with DS until I find my own place. He said he would leave and he's packing but I have a feeling he won't go through with it. I feel so very alone right now. I have literally no one to turn to, and I feel so bad for my son that it's come to this 😓😢😞

OP posts:
Original poster
user01082312345 · 17/04/2023 12:36

He is now saying that he will call the cops if I try and take DS to a shelter, that he will go in front of the judge and he will win. I have no idea what my rights are.

OP posts:
BunnyFun · 17/04/2023 13:21

Do you have a patio that needs re-doing?

chemicalworld · 17/04/2023 13:28

Your have enough evidence of abuse in his messages to you. He is vile.

WateryDoom · 17/04/2023 13:33

Tell him to go ahead. Tell him that abused women have every right to go to a shelter, and that he is likely to be arrested if he calls the cops to say you are attempting to take your child to a safe place.

Tell him judges have plenty of experience dealing with abusive arseholes like him and you'll take your chances.

Thoughtful2355 · 17/04/2023 13:35

He sounds abusive to be honest

Thoughtful2355 · 17/04/2023 13:36

both of my kids have chipped teeth, one from falling in the playground and one because he was running and i accidentelly knocked into him causing him to fall and bash he teeth on the laminate, i was super sad and blamed myself but my husband has never blamed me for it :O

Thoughtful2355 · 17/04/2023 13:39

also dont worry cops wont do anything x its a domestic not a crime. Its not a crime to run away from an abusive man to a shelter its what they are there for, keep all the messages as proof.

My friend ran to a shelter from a controlling asshole, she had 4 kids and they helped her find her own place, shes doing good now.. is even dating a really nice man who she says is amazing and she seems happy

Hallmark1234 · 17/04/2023 13:47

I'm so, so shocked to read this thread. As hard as it is OP please try to make the break now, as he's shown his true colours and it won't get better. In fact, if you take him back, he'll feel he's won and in no time at all he'll be belittling you and maybe even resort to physical violence. He clearly has no respect for you and seems to resent you for some reason and why he jumped at the chance to make you feel bad for what was a complete accident and could've happened while/if he was watching/bathing your DS.

Please, please try to find a way, as hard as it is, to get out sooner rather than later. Is there the equivalant of Women's Aid in Canada? Please try to get advice. He won't like it, as he's a bully, so don't try to appease him, but quietly stand your ground and don't show him anymore MN posts, as you won't make him feel bad, only enrage him further. Sorry, but he's a lost cause.

Maple2023 · 17/04/2023 13:54

Hallmark1234 · 17/04/2023 13:47

I'm so, so shocked to read this thread. As hard as it is OP please try to make the break now, as he's shown his true colours and it won't get better. In fact, if you take him back, he'll feel he's won and in no time at all he'll be belittling you and maybe even resort to physical violence. He clearly has no respect for you and seems to resent you for some reason and why he jumped at the chance to make you feel bad for what was a complete accident and could've happened while/if he was watching/bathing your DS.

Please, please try to find a way, as hard as it is, to get out sooner rather than later. Is there the equivalant of Women's Aid in Canada? Please try to get advice. He won't like it, as he's a bully, so don't try to appease him, but quietly stand your ground and don't show him anymore MN posts, as you won't make him feel bad, only enrage him further. Sorry, but he's a lost cause.

That

Imagine if your child breaks their arm or something in future?
I'm 39 and have broken two teeth, one on a naan bread and one no idea how! It doesn't hurt Flowers and he's an idiot as well as nasty

MyriadOfTravels · 17/04/2023 13:56

user01082312345 · 17/04/2023 12:36

He is now saying that he will call the cops if I try and take DS to a shelter, that he will go in front of the judge and he will win. I have no idea what my rights are.

Bu*it.
He cannot stop you to go to a shelter with your dc if you want to.

Id ring WA though and ask them for support. You need to know what are your rights, at the very least so you KNOW it’s ok for you to do that.

Peachy2005 · 17/04/2023 14:09

Not read past Pg 1 but that’s really foul and abusive how he’s talking to you. Start making plans to get out: I don’t see how anyone who would speak to you like that will ever change. Good luck!

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 17/04/2023 14:10

user01082312345 · 17/04/2023 12:36

He is now saying that he will call the cops if I try and take DS to a shelter, that he will go in front of the judge and he will win. I have no idea what my rights are.

Can he not hear himself? 😂😂😂

If it comes to you & DS going to a shelter, you will have an entire team at the shelter to advise & protect you.. Women don't get prosecuted for going to a shelter! He would make himself look ridiculous, calling police about this. CPS (or Canadian equivalaent?) would NOT prosecute, so it would not even get in front of a judge.

He said he would leave and he's packing but I have a feeling he won't go through with it.
Trust that feeling.
He may even go away for a night or so, as a performative gesture, but you have no rights to bar him from the marital home UNLESS you report his abuse, & go for (forgive me not entirely sure of terminology) an occupation order or similar.
You have enough text evidence of how he abuses you.

He is likely to return & sweet-talk you,
Until the next time he decides to make a sport out of verbally abusing you.
https://lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

8 Signs You’re the Victim of an Abusive “Hoovering” Narcissist

Your heart sinks as you read the text, “I’m not in a great place right now. I need you. Please help.” It’s been over a year now. You’ve cut off all ties

https://lonerwolf.com/hoovering

billy1966 · 17/04/2023 14:11

WateryDoom · 17/04/2023 13:33

Tell him to go ahead. Tell him that abused women have every right to go to a shelter, and that he is likely to be arrested if he calls the cops to say you are attempting to take your child to a safe place.

Tell him judges have plenty of experience dealing with abusive arseholes like him and you'll take your chances.

This.

He is threatening you, which is more abuse.

I think you need to contact the police re his threats.

Contact the shelter.

They will be well used to scum like him.

I'm so sorry.

Don't play down his abuse.

Takeitonthechin · 17/04/2023 14:19

These are his baby teeth and they will drop out and his second set of teeth will replace them, he's not going to spend the rest of his life looking like this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2023 14:20

Most women's shelters can give you advice about how to leave as well as a place once you do leave. Call one and ask them. They will know their local police, they will know if there is a DV unit and they will tell you how to leave more safely.

Google 'women's transition house in my area'. But make sure you are doing it securely and privately.

Codlingmoths · 17/04/2023 14:31

I hope you’re ok op. You could call the cops yourself, and say you’re trying to leave with your child and he’s threatening you and you’re afraid. He’s just threatening, the cops won’t stop you or your child from leaving because he says.

Finalstar · 17/04/2023 15:28

He's talking crap. Take your son and go to a refuge. Then once you are safe, file for divorce from this lazy, nasty little man.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 17/04/2023 15:52

He sounds utterly awful OP. Do you have anyone you can go to? He can't stop you taking your son to a shelter, and the police will not stop you. The last thing he will do is call the police to tell them you are going to a shelter, because that will highlight your desperation in the fact of his abuse.

Save the messages (and I'm sure these are not the only abusive msgs he's sent you, save them all). You are right you probably can't leave Canada :( but you can build an independent life here with your son. You are the primary caregiver and should be awarded majority custody.

Is he abusive towards your son as well?

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