DH treating me like crap over DS' chipped tooth

[user01082312345]

I was giving my 2.5 year old son a bath yesterday evening, and he threw a little tantrum which resulted in him hitting his mouth off the side of the bath, and he chipped one of his front teeth. There was no bleeding or anything, and he doesn't seem to be in any pain, but I booked a dental appointment for him to get it looked at. I feel awful about what happened, but my husband is making me feel ten times worse, he's really angry and says that DS now looks like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber (and he isn't saying it in a jokey way). DH never bathes DS, feeds him, or changes him. I'm the one who does everything, including all the household chores and most of the cooking, as well as putting DS to bed and getting up when he wakes during night (he often wakes 1-3 times during night). DH uses the excuse he works night shift and he's the one who drives DS places (I don't own a car or drive), but he only works 3-4 times a week. I work from home full time while DS goes to nursery. This is the first time DS has ever injured himself, and the way my DH is acting, it's as if he fractured his skull or something. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not the shitty parent DH is making me out to be :( I have no family or friends here to turn to, and my in laws are currently away on vacation so I can't even go to them for a break.

He is a nasty bully. What a horrible piece of work.

This may come as a shock to you but you are in an abusive relationship. The level of anxiety you are reporting about your husband’s determined faultfinding is very problematic and should not exist in a healthy relationship. Even if he prevents you from moving yourself home with your child try to leave him and create a safe home life for yourself and your child. None of what you are reporting us safe or healthy or normal in a good relationship.

I don't have any options. I work full-time but I don't make enough money to support myself plus a toddler, and rent my own place.

Do you currently own a property together? If so you’d be entitled to your share of any equity. You do not have to live like this. I know it’s hard to make the change

No we rent an apartment. I'm also in a lot of credit card debt 😓

I'm so ashamed by how badly I've managed my life. I could have done things so differently, I'm wondering how the hell I ended up in this situation.

Are you entitled to welfare support if you have to move out? You need to look in to all this, it is dangerous to stay with a man like this. Even if he isn’t violent now he is abusing you and will wear you down. Your child is watching this.

If he’s like this whatever you do he will pick at.
Don’t let him make you doubt yourself. My DC1 has a chipped front tooth where his brother hit him in the face with an iPad…things happen. If they happen to adult teeth they get repaired. If it’s milk teeth it really doesn’t matter.

Back to your relationship, you need to start plotting. Maybe you can’t leave the country. Could you work where you are? Start thinking about how you can become more independent from him. Start organising documents and keep them somewhere you know about- eg passports and certificates.

Rubbish things happen to the best of us. I was stalked. You’d never know it. I’m absolutely fine. Eventually I hope you’ll be on the other side.
Do have a look at this to maybe think about how things truly are https://safelives.org.uk/sites/default/files/resources/Dash%20risk%20checklist%20quick%20start%20guidance%20FINAL.pdf

Why put up with such a lazy shit man? He has no excuse for not doing his share then the bullying FFS he doesn't even bathe his kid

Definitely not bad parenting, I think a lot of kids do this; DD chipped a tooth when she was a similar age, she didn’t seem bothered, just appeared one day with a wee bit missing. We called it chippy tooth, am planning to get it dipped one day and give it back to her 🤣

You don't do anything wrong. Your h is a cunt, though.

my husband is making me feel ten times worse, he's really angry... DH never bathes DS, feeds him, or changes him. I'm the one who does everything, including all the household chores and most of the cooking, as well as putting DS to bed

Your h is a useless, selfish, lazy waste of space. What's the point of him?

Seriously, op, get rid of him. You deserve better.

God, what a prick he is. Hateful.

I really hope you can get some help from local DV services, just that message alone is enough evidence that he's an abusive twat.

Sounds to me like your other half needs to check himself and give you a heartfelt apology.

Careful how much and what you share on here OP, given your husband knows you are here... 🌹

Are you on any social housing lists? If not, get yourself a support worker and get on the list. Co-op housing as well if there's any where you are.

Again, PM me if you can.

Offer to swap roles completely if he can do better. Put the wind up him.

He's vile, that message is disgusting and I'd be heartbroken if DH ever spoke to me like that.

Toddlers/children are accident prone, it's as simple as that.

Please leave this vile excuse of a man, sending hugs OP x

To give some perspective re toddlers and accidents... I visited Accident & Emergency with my 2 year old and when completing the paperwork the nurses expressed surprise at her not having been before. They said it was quite unusual as babies/toddlers are always having bumps and scrapes.

Your husband is using this as his latest stick to beat you with. His text is disgusting and abusive in the extreme.

I have been there and it doesn't get better. It's not you, it's him.

As previous posters have said, please make plans to leave before he escalates and/or starts on DS.

Jesus Christ - he is awful.
Please op, for your child's and your own sake, do everything you possibly can to get away from him as fast as your possibly can. Start putting the financial situation together. He will need to pay maintenance.

I'm back home with DS. I told DH to leave and go stay at his parents'. He left but he didn't pack a bag so I'm guessing he'll be back soon. I can't stop crying and I hate that I'm upset in front of DS.

It's horrible when we realise we made a bad choice of partner op. Allow yourself these tears. And, then. Please. Get yourself and your son as far away from him as you can. You WILL be happier.

Just last week my toddler was running and tripped over and smashed his mouth on some furniture. Cut up inside his mouth really badly, he was in pain for a week. It was horrific. He lost weight because he barely ate from the pain.
Neither DH or I would blame the other that would be pointless and cruel. You didn't bloody push him!

Jesus. The problem here isn’t your sons tooth, it’s your vile shit of a husband. Are you close with your in laws? I wouldn’t normally suggest it, but your situation is unusual, so would they help you? I have no dc, but I do have DSS. If his girlfriend showed me and DH that message, both of us would be horrified and would take immediate steps to make her safe. Or your own parents? I know they aren’t in the country but if my DSD contacted me from anywhere in the world and told me that this had been happening to her, I’d be straight on a plane.
If that’s not an option, you need to seek state help for victims of abuse. Because he is abusing you. I’m so sorry op, I really hope you can get the help you need.

Firstly, that picture he’s sent telling you X looks more British is Jim Carrey. Who is Canadian. So he’s a fucking idiot clearly.

and secondly, this isn’t ok, he is abusive. Do you have anyone, any friends, who can help you get away either where you live or can help from afar

There's a picture of 4 year old me with a black eye for doing exactly the same thing in the bath! Accidents happen.