DH treating me like crap over DS' chipped tooth

[user01082312345]

I was giving my 2.5 year old son a bath yesterday evening, and he threw a little tantrum which resulted in him hitting his mouth off the side of the bath, and he chipped one of his front teeth. There was no bleeding or anything, and he doesn't seem to be in any pain, but I booked a dental appointment for him to get it looked at. I feel awful about what happened, but my husband is making me feel ten times worse, he's really angry and says that DS now looks like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber (and he isn't saying it in a jokey way). DH never bathes DS, feeds him, or changes him. I'm the one who does everything, including all the household chores and most of the cooking, as well as putting DS to bed and getting up when he wakes during night (he often wakes 1-3 times during night). DH uses the excuse he works night shift and he's the one who drives DS places (I don't own a car or drive), but he only works 3-4 times a week. I work from home full time while DS goes to nursery. This is the first time DS has ever injured himself, and the way my DH is acting, it's as if he fractured his skull or something. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not the shitty parent DH is making me out to be :( I have no family or friends here to turn to, and my in laws are currently away on vacation so I can't even go to them for a break.

Ah so he's not only awful he also is xenophobic and insults his own sons (half) heritage.

How lovely.

Also the dentist may offer a composite bonding cap if you ask (maybe in a year or two)

I really hope he’s watching this thread now.

He is an abusive cunt and a shit father. I hope you leave him.

Don't show abusive arseholes threads on here.

He's a misogynist, a xenophobic and a shit husband and father.

Leave him.

Are you in the UK or Canada and how are everyone's visas/permissions to remain? I know a bit about it.

Don’t feel bad about the tooth, it’s absolutely fine. The way your husband is behaving is definitely not. I feel so sorry for you having to put up with that.

I can't take my son back to the UK without DH's permission, which he would never give. I'm stuck here.

I think you had better make him do all bath times! Absolutely refuse to do them. Lazy man.

Wow.. With one message he ticked all the fucking idiot boxes. Is that how he always speaks to you?

Seriously OP run the fuck away!

It's a baby tooth, he is totally over reacting.

https://www.domesticshelters.org/en-ca/domestic-abuse-help-in-canada

Are these people any help? I'm not from Canada I'm afraid.

Please seek help for how you are feeling x

I can't take my son back to the UK without DH's permission, which he would never give. I'm stuck here.

You need support from a women's organisation in Canada. And immigration advice. Do you live near services like that? Also do you have citizenship and/or permanent residence?

PM me if you want. I can't reply right now but if you're happy to tell me where you are, I can see if I know any services. I've worked a fair bit all over Canada.

Save all texts and messages.

It was an accident. Does he think you did it on purpose?! ffs ask him if he seriously thinks you wanted this to happen because that's what he is insinuating.

Fyi - learn to drive and ditch the cunt.

And even if you can't leave Canada I'd be getting a divorce and he can start doing some bloody parenting the stupid twat.

My daughter did actually fracture her skull at a similar age while under my supervision. There were no serious consequences, and she’s now 25 and fine. What’s more, my DH never made a word of criticism to me at the time, despite coming out of a public toilet to find us outside with her pouring with blood from the head, only minutes after he’d gone to have a wee. Because he’s a decent partner who knows that accidents happen sometimes, even with attentive parenting. This is not your fault and you didn’t do anything wrong.

He’s abusing you in that text. Divorce him regardless of where you live.

Funny how a site full of women married with kids is populated with lesbians 🙄 so original.

He's banking on you being stuck (both with not driving and also in Canada and having a child with him) meaning that you'll accept his shit. He doesn't care about the tooth (not your fault at all, just an accident), he just wants to use it to berate you.

What's the situation with you being able to stay in Canada? I assume as you're married you have full residency? I'd start by telling yourself you're going to get away from him and take steps to start that even if tiny little steps.

Jesus you poor woman. I really hope that nasty piece of shit is happy with himself. Fuck sake. Another day, another woman victim to a piece of shit like the OP’s cunt of a husband. 😞

TBF lesbians are often at the forefront of feminism and women's rights.

Clearly the reason he's dismissive and abusive about them.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to read you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We see that you are getting some support from other Mumsnetters which is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Best wishes
MNHQ💐

@oldblighty27 first of all, you need to talk to someone in RL.
I get that it’s all overwhelming just now. You feel stuck. Unable to leave an arsehole. And on the top of it, he must have slow.y destroyed your self esteem/sense if self worth for a very long time.
Yiu need support in RL, esp if you feel so desperate.

((hugs)) it’s shit. He is shit but feeling stuck far away from all your support network/family will make it worse.

Second.
He us an abuser. The text he sent you confirmed it, if it need to be.
You need to start by protecting yourself.
Change your username, delete your history on phone/computer. You’ll get lots of support on here but he can’t see it fir your own sake.
Then go and see a lawyer. Know your rights, what you can do etc…
Learn to drive!
Be sure you have a job so you have some financial independence.

And in the mean time, I’d smooth th8ngs over.

Then leave!!

Unless you feel it’s unmanageable, you feel suicidal, he is getting physical/dangerous.
Then leave NOW.

Normally super helpful. But not with the OP in Canada.

MH supports in Canada are more likely to be local/provincial.

OP if you can Google 'crisis line' you'll probably find your nearest.

So sorry, OP. This man is utterly disgusting. Toddlers have accidents; they all do, and you can’t wrap them in cotton wool. It’s just a part of life. Please look at how you can get away from this man as nobody deserves to be spoken to with such vitriol.

The dental appointment is on Wednesday and my DH will be accompanying me. I'm panicking that the dentist will pick out other flaws with DS' teeth, and since I'm the one who takes care of his oral hygiene, DH will put more blame and guilt on me.

You should not be panicking about your husband going to an appt with you. You know this situation is not right OP. What are your options? You don’t have to live like this