My partner is a swinger and he kept it a secret

[Mumoftwoboys124]

I have recently discovered my partner of 4 years and now my fiancé has led a secret life on fab swingers. He hasn’t denied it as have all evidence in front of me! We are getting married next year, we bought a house together and planned the future. He says he is really sorry, he will change and he loves me and still wants to be with me and marry me. I just don’t know how to make it work, as I don’t think I can ever trust him again! I do worry about how will I be able to manage on my own, needless to say how humiliating it’ll be once everyone discovers what he has done! I feel absolutely sick to my stomach and absolutely devastated about the fact that our relationship I know it’s over and all I know so far was a lie. This is my second serious relationship that hasn’t worked out and feel sometimes like I can’t go on. Should I leave him or shall I go ahead with the wedding and give him another chance? Has anyone been in a similar situation to offer some advice.

Glad you're ending it even though it's difficult.

Your sons will be proud their mom stood up for what's right and at their age they'll understand about lying and betrayal so while they may be disappointed, they'll understand.

OP I see you have made the decision to cut things off. That’s the right decision. Never regret it.

I know someone who found out her devoted, loving, father of her children partner was doing the same thing. For years and years. He blamed it on grief, on loneliness because she was all about the kids, on her endometriosis, then her meno. Swore he’d change.
He didn’t. The pain and shame nearly broke her. She stayed with him ‘for the kids’ and it’s killing her even though their relationship is over. He feels sorry for himself that she won’t forgive him again.
For men who do this, it’s a pathological need that overrides all love and loyalty

He says he is really sorry, he will change and he loves me and still wants to be with me and marry me

Yeah yeah. I wish I had a pound for every time I've read a post from a distraught woman saying she's found out her DP is cheating and he's said the above - the words never seem to vary.

He's sorry because he got caught, not because he cheated on you and exposed you to STIs. You'd be mad to marry him.

Can I ask if he was meeting single females or couples..... Alot of Singles (men more so) use it like tinder.....

I gather this subject has never arose in your relationship?

I had a similar experience. Partner of 10 years admitted to having pubic lice - it all came out; he’d been on various sites to include swinging sites and having sex with both women and men. I had no idea…. And no idea of his true sexuality. This had been going on from before I met him and very generously he told me not to blame myself! 4 years is a long time but don’t invest any more time in someone that can lie and disrespect you to this degree - my advice is to either end it, get a STD test and then some counselling, alternatively couple therapy and STD test, but could you ever trust him again? A partnership without trust is not a partnership. Good luck in whatever you decide 💕