Husband lost 80k

[crosseydlobster]

I'm just so overwhelmed and have nobody to discuss it with. I don't believe in airing out my relationship problems with other family members so none of them know. During the pandemic my husband was fearful of losing his job. He took all the money from his 401K so we could have a nice sized safety net. It was $80k USD. A few months later he bet it all on the S&P without telling me and lost it all. I was devastated and considered leaving him. I chose to forgive him. Since then I had to take a 50k government business loan to try and salvage my business amidst covid to pay our debt. My business is failing anyhow, I'm working the equivalent of 3 part time jobs (which feels like 2 fulltime jobs), we're saddled with debt all in the midst of me unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant at 40 years old. Had he used that $80k as the safety net we had discussed, I could have shut the business down, the company had a decent amount in the bank at the time, i wouldnt have taken a government loan and it would have covered our payments. I'm so exhausted. I just want to give up but I have to work harder all the time. Sometimes I want to scream at him about how much he screwed this up. But I forgave him and so I bite my lip because what is done cannot be undone and I stayed. I can't take care of myself there's no time, I don't think I'll ever have a baby. Life seems more and more pointless

Definitely lying. Crypto, derivatives, futures - or just plain old gambling. But whatever he's told is a pack of lies.

@Lastnamedidntstick A 401k is a retirement savings plan where money is deducted from your salary before taxes are taken out. Your employer often matches a portion of your contribution. It reduces your taxable income (A good thing!), but is heavily penalized if you withdraw the money before you reach retirement age.

So in this scenario that 80k would have been reduced to roughly 55k immediately.

Your taxes will have been high this season because of the penalties and tax I assume. I also invested in some companies in the s&p500. Initially I had a loss but the value is up now about 5%. What stocks specifically did he tell you her invested in? Did he do individual funds or ETFs?

I thought you forgave him? Doesn't sound like you have...

You can use this calculator (or find one that does the same thing) to work out how much an investment would be worth if you had made it in the past.

dqydj.com/sp-500-periodic-reinvestment-calculator-dividends/

e.g. If your OH had put $50,000 in the S&P 500 in January 2022 as a lump sum, adding nothing after that, it would still be $44,000 approx now.
Give it a few years & I expect it would climb back up over the initial investment.
It's not a short term thing.

You can use this sort of calculator with your actual figures & you'll soon see that he is a LIAR or utterly clueless.

Or was he dumb enough to actually put that much into spread betting with no stop on it when he got to x amount of loss?
Because honestly, that's gambling just as much as chucking it on a horse, especially if he doesn't even work in the stock market.

Did he actually lose his job?
Why isn't he earning & clearing these debts?

The S&P 'loss' is a red herring. A technical analysis of the S&P500 is not the real problem here.

I'm so exhausted. I just want to give up but I have to work harder all the time. Sometimes I want to scream at him about how much he screwed this up. But I forgave him and so I bite my lip because what is done cannot be undone and I stayed. I can't take care of myself there's no time, I don't think I'll ever have a baby. Life seems more and more pointless

The only way this can be true is if he's been trading futures through a CFD platform. He'd need to have leveraged at a high ratio though.

So what if she's angry? I would be - anyone would. Because of his stupidity and incompetence they now have no money and she's having to work 3 jobs to compensate for him losing their life savings.

I couldn't get over that Op and I definitely wouldn't have a baby with such a selfish idiot.

The S&P is well up since the early pandemic. He may have made a bit of a loss if he invested at the peak (so around Dec 21) but less than 20% and it will come back up again to recoup that over time.

As PPs have said, he is lying to you.

have you got proof he invested in the S&P?

You are being completely mugged off here. Rethink that forgiveness and move on with your life before it’s too late. He’s still lying to you and your wasting your life with him.

Your husband is an utter moron.

So did he lose his job or not?

What is HE doing in all this to make it right and to make your life easier? You're working 3 jobs - is he?

Forgiving him doesn't mean you can never talk about what happened again - and certainly not if he's not making huge efforts to put it right.

I wouldn't have thought getting pregnant now is a great idea, but I suppose you're running out of time in your fertility window.

There are a lot of people on this thread who think OP's husband says he invested in S&P and lost it all and are accusing him of lying. OP says he bet it all on S&P. That suggests he was spread betting on the S&P 500 index. It is indeed possible to lose all your money that way.

I say this a bit gently, but I’m not sure what this total mess of a situation needs is a baby.

OP I’m sorry you’re going through this, what a horrible time you’re having. And worrying about not having a baby must make this feel so much worse. Can you go for joint counselling to work through these problems? Or can you speak to a charity debt adviser who can help you work out what to do next financially?

He’s lying. Stocks and shares have not fallen that much. You need to find out the truth.

*unless spread betting in which case he’s apparently a fool and the last thing you need to do is have a child with him.

He’s made your life awful by the sounds of it. What precisely is he doing to earn the money back?

Sorry to say I agree with PP's that something is not quite right with your husband's explanation. Stock is a solid long term investment, it has been hit by pandemic/CoL but is still stable. It's meant to be a long term investment so his stock will still have value and will inevitably recover over time.

He’s lying to you.

You're working 3 jobs, what's he doing to try and address the situation he created?

401k is the US equivalent to a pension pot.
S&P 500 is US stock market index

Was it all on Credit Suisse or SVB? Could not have been S+P.

OP, I think you need to see his paper trail. He may well have lied to you and he’s lost the money in crypto currencies or gambling.
Im sorry but it makes no sense to have a baby with him while you have all this hanging g over you and how will you continue to work the hours you do with a baby?
Find out, with proof, what has happened then de ide whether you stay in this marriage.