Im at my wits end with my miserable DH. I don’t know what I want from this post but need a rant. Its semi lighthearted and Im not looking for pity.
I was watching an interview with Amy Winehouse yesterday. She was talking about her boyfriend and said something like “he bursts every bubble that I blow up”. That really struck a chord with me. Any idea I have, he'll dismiss it, whether its for home improvement - he wont like my suggestion (until time passes and he’ll suggest it like it was his idea in the first place), or holidays – he doesn’t like holidaying abroad.
I holiday abroad with friends regularly.
DH is 67, retired, Im 12 years younger and work FT. We have no mortgage or other debts. We are comfortably off. He has a hobby that we both share (motorcycling) and we enjoy a couple of trips away together doing this each year. Said hobby is one of his pet topics of conversation, but not mine as Im not mechanically minded and don’t have his encyclopaedic knowledge of anything on wheels. He’ll talk at me about oil change frequency or suspension or spark plugs and I just zone out after about 15 minutes of monologue and he’ll get all huffy if when I don’t join in. I’ve told him numerous times that he is fully aware that I have nothing to add to a one sided conversation around something I know nothing about. He wont ask anything or engage in anything I might want to talk about.
Currently he’s spending most of his days watching YouTube. He’s spent most of today watching various men talking about 15 minute cities and how councils in some places are going to restrict peoples lives etc. and is now ranting about the restriction it’s going to have on his life. But it wont, firstly because there are no plans to implement this where we live and secondly because he rarely leaves the house anyway unless its for a bike related trip out somewhere or to go to a supermarket a 5 minute drive away. I’ve told him it’s probably going to turn out to be a load of bollocks anyway and he just started shouting me down and that started a row.
I’ll speak to him or ask him something and get no response. He has no hearing problems. He just doesn’t seem to hear me. Or I’ll start speaking and he’ll start talking over me.
He's permanently miserable and catastrophising if even the slightest thing goes wrong. For example, yesterday a bulb went in one of our kitchen lights, his reaction was “everything’s broken or not working properly in this house”. I asked him to name one other thing that wasn’t working and he couldn’t (because everything’s fine). If I leave a cup and a biscuit wrapper on the coffee table, “this place is a tip”, etc. He’ll sit with his head in his hands, sighing until I ask if he’s ok (he’s always OK).
His mother used to do exactly the same thing, the likeness is uncanny. If he gets ill he’ll never take medication but will moan non stop about his symptoms, for example he gets hayfever but wont use antihistamines, wont take a painkiller if he gets a headache, wont see a dentist if he loses a filling, despite paying for dental insurance!
He has absolutely zero IT skills. However, he’s taken on a voluntary role related to his hobby, and he now expects me to deal with replying to emails (he doesn’t even know how to add an attachment to an email, despite me showing him literally hundreds of times ffs) and update his spreadsheets.
He's a complete scruffbag. I’ve seen better dressed scarecrows. He’ll wear the same clothes for days on end. Everything – undies, socks, t-shirt that he’ll sleep in and then wear all day. He only ever wears the same 2 pairs of jeans. For everything. Cycling, gardening, nipping to the shop for milk. He’ll do the gardening and then sit on the couch in the same stuff. I swipe them off the bedroom floor while he’s asleep and put them in the wash. He has one pair of shoes, and they STINK. He wears them for everything. The sole is split and they’re falling apart. He’ll wear clothes until theyre threadbare or fall apart. He seems to think this is some sort of notable achievement. He needs a haircut. He has about 4 a year, I think. Then there’s the near constant farting.
He's at home all day. I’ve never come home from work and had so much as a cup of tea waiting for me. Not once in the 12 years since he retired. He never cooks. He likes plain food – pies, chips, fish fingers, whereas I like something a bit spicier, but I cant cook it for him because he says it makes him ill. He doesn’t drink. We never nip out together for a pint and a glass of wine. We rarely go for meals out because he takes all the shine off that, moaning on and on about where he’ll be able to park and not wanting to get clamped or a parking ticket (parking is abundant and not restricted in our area).
We’ve been together 25 years and he still cant remember what date my birthday is.
I didn’t mention it at all one year, just to see if he’d remember, and I didn’t even get a card from him. He had a go at me for not reminding him. He’ll never just buy me a birthday or Christmas present, just asks me to find something I want and he’ll pay for it. Although having said that last year I did comment on some oven gloves I saw (when we were out at a garden centre with my mum) that I said I liked and he seemed offended on Christmas day when I wasn’t overjoyed with receiving them as my only gift. I organise surprise days out for things he likes doing/seeing and always get him something that I know he’ll like (or needs, like new clothes).
There’s loads more and I could go on all night but Ive probably bored you all already.
Well done if you’ve made it this far. Id like things to change but I don’t know where to start.