I have a history of dubious relationships including the marriage from hell. I had been single for 10 years and thought I had made a better choice this time.
I met someone in autumn last year and we have been going out for about 3 months. He is intelligent, witty and funny, appears caring (asks plenty of questions, remembers what I say, does thoughtful things) and sometimes shows a lot of insight.
I have been feeling more cautious as time goes on and I just made a list of traits and actions that keep appearing. I'm going to list it here as I have no family or friends to lean on. I feel a bit sick.
How does this look to other people?
Manipulative
Game playing - writes or says something, sees I disagree then does a 180 degree turn
Never texts first
Leaves my messages unread for hours/a day
Makes promises that are never delivered or mentioned again
Refuses to make arrangements re meeting up or, if I make arrangements, changes his mind, sometimes literally at the last minute as I am walking to my car
Was desperate to visit my house (awkward because of my adult children coming and going). Visited but now says he will not visit again.
Reluctant to meet my adult children or anyone else that I know
Never accepts responsibility
Asks constantly if other people know we are a couple (he seems to want this) but also is obsessed if other people know we have had sex (?)
Creates controversy or argument in late night texts then says "sleep well"
Has never had a meal with me or stayed at my house overnight
When we go out, he answers phone calls, scrolls Instagram and watches the football on his phone
Occasionally tries to convert me to Christianity
Asked me to go to church with him but not to acknowledge him while I am there
Questions my spending
Told me to look harder for more work
Told me not to leave my son at home alone so much (he is an adult)
Constantly asks if I am alone or who I have gone to events with
One racist comment
Slightly homophobic views but he knows not to mention them to me again
Sex is poor
Says he has a high sex drive but I see no evidence of this
Asks for anal sex and photos of me, despite my constant refusal
Not enough sex. I have neve been in a relationship with so little.
Talks about porn but then denies ever watching
Withholds sex and affection to try and get his own way
Doesn't listen if I try and give advice about sex (it is that poor!)
Thinks his technique is great
He thinks viagra will improve sex because somehow 45 minutes of random thrusting will be better than 5 minutes
Asks weird questions about how I lost my virginity
Is adamant that I should never masturbate. Texts to ask if I have or not (obviously, I keep doing it!)
Occasional personal comments about my looks, being hairy (I have black hair) and being fat
He thinks that my doing pleasurable things to him will make me have an orgasm (?)
Uses photos of another company and passes them off as his own, online
Cocksure about his intelligence and work abilities