Ideas of a weekly things to do/join with DH to invest time into our marriage.

[motherofkevinnotperry]

Help. I need to begin and invest time and effort into bringing DH and I back together. We've been together for decades. Kids growing up and we can leave them a bit more together in the house.

DH and I have ignored our marriage and to put it bluntly everyone else's grass is greener, ours is brown. I've been distracted by others (don't nothing) and it highlighted the huge gaps in our marriage and the need for us to reconnect.

I would like to have a weekly event that we go to. Maybe meet others, enjoy each other and become a happier more invested couple.

This is make or break time. If this doesn't work I cannot stay in the marriage as I'm miserable and very lonely. DH is willing to try.

No dancing, DH would never do it. No idea where else to start.

Cuckolding?

I think the cinema is a good plan. It's fairly low key, you don't have to talk but then have something to talk about afterwards over a drink. I know you said you like different films but if you went every week/fortnight then you would just go to see whatever is on rather than your preferences and you could have good discussions where you hear each other's POV in a low stakes setting. That would then give you a good conversational template for other times in your relationship.

Geocaching if you like walks. You could also incorporate it into other activities that take you to other places. You could plan whole days out for it or the odd buys here and there while you're in town shopping or something.

😂 erm no thanks

Hire a personal trainer together rather than go to the gym.

If you live somewhere diverse attend local festivals / events eg Vaisakhi is in April. I'm in Wolverhampton and it is a big deal here, it's usually in West park and although there is a religious element there is also a fairground, stalls selling Indian food, jewelry, books etc.

Some fabulous dancing.

My god.If u have to invest in your marriage like this it may already be too late.U sound v different people.Its good to know that people have fun working out dinners with their husbands How about joining Extinction Rebellion or working at a food bank together.

It's probably not the right time of term for this, but how about doing a course together? Something like learning sign language. Something where having a partner would be useful for practicing.

Climbing?
Find a series you can both watch together.
It would be good to do something together daily as well even if it's chatting over a cup of tea.

I've been distracted by others (don't nothing) and it highlighted the
huge gaps in our marriage and the need for us to reconnect.

*This is make or break time. If this doesn't work I cannot stay in the
marriage as I'm miserable and very lonely. DH is willing to try. *

You don't sound too arsed to be honest, is this just an exercise in saying you tried.

😂

I don't think any of these suggestions are going to live up to the giddy heights of your sexual spark being reignited by this other man.

Your poor husband, looks like he's on trial.

I’m not sure it’s passion igniting but we have always enjoyed National Trust days out together. Maybe write a bucket list of things you both want to do and work you way through it? Plan things together and have something to discuss. It would be an excuse to go for weekends away or longer. I would include UK things as well so maybe things like York Minster, The Royal Mile, castles etc

You say he's willing to try OP, so what are his suggestions?

You're going to get nowhere with this if you're doing all the work. The idea of you taking it in turns to come up with something, (or taking it in turns to take a paper from the jar and then organise it) might help balance it out.

Find some classes to do together.. yoga, body pump, swimming, karate

join a local outdoor running, walking or cycling club.

Sailing or golf classes,

Also craft or art lessons? Your local college will have lots of pottery, photography, printing classes plus other subjects like psychology or coding

Voluntary work in a charitable environmental setting, planting trees, restoring gardens, counting bats etc.

Dog walking at your local dog shelter

Get an allotment in a field full of allotments or join a community growing scheme.

Rock choir
Pub quiz
Local live music
Comedy

Swinging?

OP a lot of your responses suggest you'll do them if you find friends to go with. You can go to a pub quiz just the two of you. It's much easier to reconnect when it's just you than surrounded by other people.

I'd suggest a film night each week where one of you picks the film, so you watch what he likes and he watches what you like. Get some popcorn and some nachos and you might find you have more in common than you thought as a lot of films cross genres these days.

sex is lacking for me and that's an issue which needs to be improved

Hrt?

I'd do lots of local days out, nat trust and English heritage. We do it regularly as a family and we really do never get bored. Plus cake.

There's also loads of private places when you get into looking around.

If you're near the sea could kayaking be an option?

See if there's local public art lectures or something

Now that the evenings are getting lighter - a long walk somewhere pretty. You'll get to chat and that will help with reconnection.

The most important thing is that you break the boring routine and put the effort in.

I love a day out in London (we live a 45 min train ride away). All we plan is what tube station we’re starting at and then just go where the day takes us.

Sometimes we start with a breakfast / brunch as it’s something we rarely do, then just walk around. Might pop into a shop, stop for a drink, see an exhibition we fancy, maybe watch a movie, buy some theatre tickets last minute, river trip on the Thames Clipper, doing all the tourist stuff we’ve never done, stopping for lunch at random places etc. It honestly feels really liberating and a reminder of spontaneous life before children.

With the exception of the gym, I think weekly activities could feel rather forced and that you’re only doing them to try and fix things. The biggest gift you can give each other is time together to get to know each other again.

I would say: keep it simple, and remember that the point of this isn't the activity but the relationship.

So if you go for a hike or take up a new sport or go to the theatre or see a film or go to a gallery or even watch a TV series at home, the important thing is that you don't just then go your separate ways once you've done the activity. Sit down over a drink - cafe, pub, at home, it doesn't matter - and talk about it. What you enjoyed, what you didn't enjoy, what it reminded you of. The point is to get to know what makes the other tick again.

DP and I don't always enjoy the things we do together in equal amounts but even if we disagree about a film, I'm interested in what he thought and why he thought it - and vice versa. Agree with the poster who said that there are so many genre-crossing film and TV shows these days that it should be easier to find something in the Venn diagram of what you both like.

But back to keeping it simple - I think the suggestion of cooking is one of the best in this thread. You need to cook and eat, and it can be a really great bonding experience to do it together. Make it special - a three-course meal, or fancy ingredients, or try to recreate something you had on holiday. Give yourself an afternoon in the kitchen, put some tunes on, have a glass or two or three of wine. Doesn't matter if one of you doesn't cook usually - I'm the non-cook in our household and I look after basic stuff like weighing and measuring, washing up as we go along, choosing the tunes, and we both have a good time and a great meal at the end of it.

With TV or films, each pick something you think the other person would like.

So if he's into Sci-fi, you find a sci fi film for the pair of you to watch and vice versa.

It gives you control over it, so you're more likely to go into it with an open mind, and having to think about it gives you an insight into what your partner likes.

Me and DP do it every so often, and it's led to us both watching stuff that's in "our genre" but haven't considered watching, and led to some interesting convos.

Ignoring what problems?

No surprise you are posting this as clearly you’ve had your head turned. Be careful what you wish for as many a poster on here has been in your shoes, lost her mind completely and departed her long marriage only to find the grass is greener where you water it

queue devastation at throwing her comfortable life away and once what she described as a boring life then became a stable life when looking back through a different lens

quite frankly me and mine have completely different interests and it means not a jot- even down to tv shows! It means there’s plenty to chat about

Does your husband know he’s in the last chance saloon?

Badminton