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Original poster

Ideas of a weekly things to do/join with DH to invest time into our marriage.

96 replies

motherofkevinnotperry · 09/03/2023 19:52

Help. I need to begin and invest time and effort into bringing DH and I back together. We've been together for decades. Kids growing up and we can leave them a bit more together in the house.

DH and I have ignored our marriage and to put it bluntly everyone else's grass is greener, ours is brown. I've been distracted by others (don't nothing) and it highlighted the huge gaps in our marriage and the need for us to reconnect.

I would like to have a weekly event that we go to. Maybe meet others, enjoy each other and become a happier more invested couple.

This is make or break time. If this doesn't work I cannot stay in the marriage as I'm miserable and very lonely. DH is willing to try.

No dancing, DH would never do it. No idea where else to start.

OP posts:
breakingthebank · 09/03/2023 19:54

Do you have any shared interests? What type of things do you both like doing?

MrsRobinStrike · 09/03/2023 19:57

Cinema trip to watch a comedy?
Theatre?
One off art event eg pottery/ willow weaving
Horse riding?
Climbing wall?

MrsRobinStrike · 09/03/2023 19:57

So something fun and different but easy

ShandaLear · 09/03/2023 20:01

Cinema/cinema clubs atvlocal independent cinema
Book club
Local society meets - e.g. TechClub, Astronomy Club, Skeptics Society, Real Ale Club
Book club
Local am-dram, choir, or card game club
Volunteering - beach/town clean ups
Bike rides (Saturday/Sunday mornings)

BestZebbie · 09/03/2023 20:01

Now good weather is coming, go for a walk together at the weekend and end up in a pub for sunday lunch. You can chat as you walk (easier side-by-side than staring over a table) and at lunch, get a bulky paper and read interesting bits out to each other and chat about them.

Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 09/03/2023 20:03

I don't know and that's our real problem. We've really changed over the parenting years and we've had no time together or separately.

We both like books but not the same sort. We both like films and boxsets but rarely the same ones. We enjoy films but again we have our differences. Our music tastes are no longer similar. We enjoy art, history and museums but it's been done to death with the kids. I love traveling but money is tight. He loves gaming, I can't stand it. I'd go dancing but he refuses. I'd go out with friends to pubs, he gets fed up after a few hours and wants to go home.

I like doing up the house and DIY, he finds it pointless and annoying. I want to meet others and get involved, he wants to be on his own doing his own thing.

I know there is a connection but I cannot find it!

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 09/03/2023 20:04

What is it you both like doing? Music, cinema, eating?

CrapBucket · 09/03/2023 20:05

Erm... pub quiz? Bingo?

Longwhiskers · 09/03/2023 20:05

Pub quiz?

Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 09/03/2023 20:07

BestZebbie · 09/03/2023 20:01

Now good weather is coming, go for a walk together at the weekend and end up in a pub for sunday lunch. You can chat as you walk (easier side-by-side than staring over a table) and at lunch, get a bulky paper and read interesting bits out to each other and chat about them.

We do try to go out for walks and we both exercise. DH says we could join a gym but we'd not work out together, or would we?

I suggested book club, he said I could go but he wouldn't 😔. We have got some theatre and music tickets booked for the coming months which is good.

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 09/03/2023 20:07

What did you do before children?

What did you do when you were dating? Before you were married?

What were the things you loved about each other in the first few years?

Original poster
motherofkevinnotperry · 09/03/2023 20:08

Pub quiz might work if we can find some friends to go with!

OP posts:
TennisWithDeborah · 09/03/2023 20:10

Plenty of couples at my gym, both working out and participating in the classes. I think that’s a good suggestion of his, especially if you go for a coffee afterwards.

pawz · 09/03/2023 20:14

Even cooking together might be nice? Do an evening a week, take it in turns to pick the main and the pud? I love doing that with DH!

NoSquirrels · 09/03/2023 20:25

I think you both need to be more open to trying new things. Once a month, he picks an activity. The next month you pick it. The rule is the other person needs to go with an open mind and heart, prepared to have fun and leave their preconceptions behind.

Then add going to the gym regularly - you could have a few joint PT sessions, see if that helps kickstart the exercising together thing? - and then a couple of theatre/cinema/meals out.

Do you have any shared interests where volunteering might be possible?

Ragwort · 09/03/2023 20:28

Ha ha .. sounds like my marriage - we've been together over 30 years and although we met through a shared hobby our lives have gone in totally different directions. There's very little that we actually enjoy doing together but to be honest we've just accepted that and happily do our own thing ... we are away next week and DH will be hiking up mountains and I will be pottering around the town and coffee shops. We will get together over an evening meal but then probably watch different tv programmes or read our own different taste books and go to our separate bedrooms. Grin. I am totally used to it now and actually prefer to do my own thing, I have friends who do 'everything' with their DH and I would find that rather cloying.

Tron80 · 09/03/2023 20:29

"Help. I need to begin and invest time and effort into bringing DH and I back together".

And when /at what point did you begin to see the need to invest in this?

"DH and I have ignored our marriage and to put it bluntly everyone else's grass is greener, ours is brown. I've been distracted by others (don't nothing) and it highlighted the huge gaps in our marriage and the need for us to reconnect".

Could you explain more on the green and brown grass? I suspect cinema/pottery/walking club is not going to cut it.

Ragwort · 09/03/2023 20:30

NoSquirells - DH and I did meet through volunteering and we both still do a lot of volunteering... but for totally different sorts of organisations Grin.

Spottycarousel · 09/03/2023 20:33

Swimming? Bowling? An evening class? Yoga?

BuddhaAtSea · 09/03/2023 20:33

With ExP I used to go running, gigs, exhibitions, cycling, we had a monthly)payday date: cinema and a meal, we went to the gym together, and we also used to have a series on the go we would always watch together, I got him into ‘The Crown’, he got me into Game of Thrones (despite initial reluctance). But I liked the guy and wanted to spend time with him.

CMOTDibbler · 09/03/2023 20:34

I think the suggestion of you taking it in turns to choose an activity and the other agrees to give it a go in good grace - you might think you won't like 'his' film but the connection is about having something new to talk about, a laugh about it after, having chips out of the paper on the way home rather than the actual film. Equally he might hate the thought of a dance class, but a one off where you are as bad as each other and can laugh about it does much more than Going To Meet People. It sounds a little like you have both entrenched to only doing what you want and maybe restablishing some give and take would be good

Testng123 · 09/03/2023 20:36

Join a gym with a steam room, sauna and jacuzzi.

SweetSakura · 09/03/2023 20:39

If you can't decide, how about taking it in turns to pick different things to try ?

frozendaisy · 09/03/2023 20:46

How about starting small at home, so say you both chose a series, 10 episodes say, and twice a week you watch your choice one night his choice another.

Cook something different together to eat with box set, so say pick a cuisine you like, Spanish, Indian, mexican etc and try and make something new.

Could you try a challenging jigsaw together?

Or create a herb kitchen garden.

Bowling?

AliceinSlumberland · 09/03/2023 20:50

What about something as simple as going out for tea?

Or me and DH really enjoy playing board games, sounds lame but there’s great ones out there. Forbidden island is a great one where you have to work together.