Disappointed with just getting a text on my birthday

[Justlovecandles]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 8 months. I suppose it’s casual as we’re not officially girlfriend/boyfriend but we are good friends and really get on. We go out, have dinners together, stay over etc. Both 40s.

All I got on my birthday was a text to say happy birthday. He didn’t ask to see me or offer to take me out or anything. I’m so disappointed and feel crappy. I thought I meant more to him than a text. It’s not that he can’t afford to get me anything or take me out, he can. Even inviting me for dinner round his (which he has plenty of times before) would have been nice.

I feel I need to say something but not sure what as I don’t want to come across as needy or materialistic. It’s the thought that counts and this doesn’t feel like much thought.

I think I would stop contacting him and also stop initiating dates. Look upon the relationship as a fun experience, and move on to someone who will make a fuss on your birthday. You deserve more than he is giving

Send him a text for his birthday. And leave it and see what happens. Likely nothing which tells you all you need to know. Sorry OP. 8 months of investment isn't easy to let go.

Definitely go out and start dating others.

You're just being used.

UPDATE - again

I've ended it 😟
I said I was feeling a bit unimportant and said it would be nice to feel as though I was worth putting some time aside for.
Anyway he basically said he hasnt got the time and doesnt want to hurt my feelings so we've called it a day.

I think I need to work on my self esteem before trying again as I currently cant understand why I havent been good enough for the last 2 med I've been involved with.

I’m sorry, OP .

He's using you.

It is good that it has come to an end, it was clearly going nowhere and mismatched expectations.

But no you don’t have to try to understand why you haven’t been good enough for the last two men because that is not what has happened. They just didn’t connect in the same way as you. I am sure you have met many perfectly nice men that you didn’t want a relationship with either.

You've got it the wrong way round OP, the last two men haven't been good enough for you! You've got your own standards and they haven't met them. Well done for ending the relationship, I know you'll feel sad and hurt for a while but not as sad and hurt as you'd feel if you stayed in a relationship where you're not valued ❤️

You did the right thing telling him how you felt. Who wants be am I am good enough for a shag and probably listen to him complaining about his job etc but I not good enough for even a cheap card or present?

A few years ago one of my friends was friendly with a man like him and she gave him several chances to change things. He got a new girlfriend and his new girlfriend was pregnant within a year.
A few years later he contacts my friend and during COVID times they were sending each other messages. They met up and he was keen to get into a fwb situation with my friend.
My friend decided no to this because she was not willing to be their for if and when he had time. Also he has a young child, is living with his partner and has other things going on in his life.
My friend said to me he has nothing to offer me so why would I get involved with him.

In your case I would spend some time on your own. Work on building up your own life and making more friends. Do the freedom program mentioned on mumsnet so you can learn to see the warning signs of the poor men and avoid them.

This sounds pretty desperate to me. I'm cringing for you.😬

Ah, read further. Good that it's ended.

You were pretty casual for eight months so if you wanted.more it was just the wrong relationship.