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Original poster

Disappointed with just getting a text on my birthday

86 replies

Justlovecandles · 09/03/2023 02:40

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 8 months. I suppose it’s casual as we’re not officially girlfriend/boyfriend but we are good friends and really get on. We go out, have dinners together, stay over etc. Both 40s.

All I got on my birthday was a text to say happy birthday. He didn’t ask to see me or offer to take me out or anything. I’m so disappointed and feel crappy. I thought I meant more to him than a text. It’s not that he can’t afford to get me anything or take me out, he can. Even inviting me for dinner round his (which he has plenty of times before) would have been nice.

I feel I need to say something but not sure what as I don’t want to come across as needy or materialistic. It’s the thought that counts and this doesn’t feel like much thought.

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 18/03/2023 19:05

Texting happy birthday to a friend is pretty normal.

A card/present to a best friend, close family, or a partner/gf/bf.

Shunter350 · 18/03/2023 19:06

I thought I was in a relationship for 8 months..
But no Christmas card, present and nothing on Valentines Day.
I'm a 58 year old bloke but it still hurt.
So I've moved on..

emptythelitterbox · 18/03/2023 19:13

Justlovecandles · 18/03/2023 16:31

UPDATE

So it remains that all I got was a text on my birthday!

I do think he likes me… I don’t know why I didn’t get a card or anything, my other friends say it’s just him being a man!

it’s his birthday next week and I’m going to go round with a card and present and show him properly how to wish someone happy birthday.
i must say though, he’s been lovely in other ways, and has been really supportive recently when I was having problems with my son.

anyway… I’m over my blues. Bloody birthdays!!!

Please don't do this. You won't be teaching him a thing.

He knows what to do and how to behave. He didn't do anything for your birthday because he didn't want to and doesn't care.

He'll laugh and think you're a complete mug and think he can treat you poorly and you'll tolerate it.

Just send him a text telling him it's not working out for you and then delete and block.

Oopsiedaisyy · 18/03/2023 19:14

I'm sorry, but you're an idiot if you think he'll have a clue he didn't meet your expectations if you give him a gift

You need to be clear with him about what you want. Otherwise how long will you tolerate being treated like a mate he shags?

"I've been enjoying our time together, but your lack of effort for my birthday is making me question whether this relationship is giving me what I'm look for"

Goingoutdancing · 18/03/2023 19:57

Justlovecandles · 18/03/2023 16:31

UPDATE

So it remains that all I got was a text on my birthday!

I do think he likes me… I don’t know why I didn’t get a card or anything, my other friends say it’s just him being a man!

it’s his birthday next week and I’m going to go round with a card and present and show him properly how to wish someone happy birthday.
i must say though, he’s been lovely in other ways, and has been really supportive recently when I was having problems with my son.

anyway… I’m over my blues. Bloody birthdays!!!

Jesus don't do that. Ffs

callthataspade · 18/03/2023 20:03

Oh my god. Why?!

He shows you how much you mean to him. And you reward him?

Jesus wept

Sunnygirl07 · 18/03/2023 20:14

Would you like to become his exclusive gf?

Would he ever like to have serious relations?

pinkfondu · 18/03/2023 20:21

He's telling you your status in his life, you are a fool to do more for him and it will not show him the errors of his ways!

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 18/03/2023 20:31

Pathetic

Zerrin13 · 18/03/2023 20:57

Just because you are good to someone doesn't mean they are going to be good to you

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:01

Texting happy birthday to a friend is pretty normal.

A card/present to a best friend, close family, or a partner/gf/bf
Agree with this, and if someone I was FWB with passive aggressively tried to make a point by showing up with cards and gifts then I'd be rethinking both the FWB and the friendship because I could not be bothered with the drama.

Poppyblush · 19/03/2023 07:53

Just ditch him

Thisgirlcan21 · 19/03/2023 08:12

I would not be taking him a present. Please. Don’t do that. I think take some time to consider wether he means more to you than you do to him. Communication is key here. You are over a half way point. You need to decide if you want it to stay this way with him not bothering on birthdays etc. or you want a boyfriend?

BeExcellent2EachOther · 19/03/2023 08:25

Noooooooooo!

Don't take a card and present round to him 🤦🏻‍♀️

He's set the bar. You are at "text on a birthday" level, you are not close enough to be doing the card and present thing yet; you may never be!

He has clearly shown you this, please understand what he is telling you and respond in kind.

Both you and he are going to feel majorly awkward if you turn up with a card and present.

jemimapuddlepluck · 19/03/2023 08:28

emptythelitterbox · 18/03/2023 19:13

Please don't do this. You won't be teaching him a thing.

He knows what to do and how to behave. He didn't do anything for your birthday because he didn't want to and doesn't care.

He'll laugh and think you're a complete mug and think he can treat you poorly and you'll tolerate it.

Just send him a text telling him it's not working out for you and then delete and block.

Show quote history

Really wish you could like posts on mumsnet. Don't be a bloody mug OP.

ChristmasFluff · 19/03/2023 09:15

People don't treat you how you treat them.

People treat you how you treat you.

All your 'going around with a birthday present and card' will 'teach' him is that he can send you a text on your birthday and still get a card and a present from you on his.

He doesn't care about you the way you care about him, and he is never going to. Because YOU don't care about you the way you care about him.

A woman who loved herself would not be pretending to be happy with a FWB when she wants more.

stealthninjamum · 19/03/2023 09:23

I’m sorry op but you seem a bit desperate. He doesn’t care as much about you as you do about him.

Personally I would talk to him and give your expectations and be prepared to walk away.

Or if I was the kind of person to play passive aggressIve games I’d ignore his birthday /and him completely to see if that made him show some interest.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 19/03/2023 09:30

Omg. Don't embarrass yourself. Please for the love of god grow up and move on. What a great role model for your child. Mummy got sad on ger birthday cos the nasty man didn't get her a present. We will show him won't we darling? Let's get him a lovely present and pop round his house with it. Hope the wife's not there. jFC where is your self worth woman?

mrcow · 19/03/2023 10:47

Don’t do this.

You are worth more. Just leave it alone now and go and find yourself someone worthy of your time and efforts. Don’t sleep with people who clearly show so little regard for you.

Do not do this. You will look back to regret it. Keep your self respect, hold your head high and just move on.

feelinglikeanewparent · 19/03/2023 10:53

Justlovecandles · 18/03/2023 16:31

UPDATE

So it remains that all I got was a text on my birthday!

I do think he likes me… I don’t know why I didn’t get a card or anything, my other friends say it’s just him being a man!

it’s his birthday next week and I’m going to go round with a card and present and show him properly how to wish someone happy birthday.
i must say though, he’s been lovely in other ways, and has been really supportive recently when I was having problems with my son.

anyway… I’m over my blues. Bloody birthdays!!!

FFS 😂

Have some more pride

Isthisexpected · 19/03/2023 15:48

OP you've lost the plot here. Your logic makes no sense.

EarthSight · 19/03/2023 17:34

I think he has cemented your casual status by doing this. Don't look for this type of emotional acknowledgment from him. It's possible he might have deliberately not given you anything because he doesn't want to lead you into thinking that you are more to him than you actually are.

EarthSight · 19/03/2023 17:36

other friends say it’s just him being a man

A man who was poorly raised, does not have the emotional intelligence or imagination to think of other people's needs, or who thinking that you're just not worth the effort? Don't set your standards by their low bars.

Original poster
Justlovecandles · 19/03/2023 17:42

I feel quite sad reading everyone’s replies to this 😔.
he’s so lovely in other ways and phoned me this week after a really busy day as I texted him to say I was struggling with something.
I guess I need to have a think ☹️

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/03/2023 17:47

I think him not getting you anything for your birthday and showing zero interest was very deliberate of him. I think it's his way of letting you know this "relationship" will never go any further than what it is right now. So you have to accept this or move on.

But please, FFS, do not give him anything for his birthday. It just smacks of desperation.