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Original poster

Men not interested in women with kids??

120 replies

Winterwondering22 · 07/03/2023 23:28

Just checking in to see what other people think about this comment my husband made tonight….

We are having some issues and have been for a little while so I asked him if he was feeling like going his own way to be happier.

My husband told me if we separate I’ve basically got no hope of meeting anyone as ‘who would want a woman with 3 kids’ 2 of whom are autistic. One is the other isn’t diagnosed and I’m sure he’s not.

I am not sure he fully understands that should I be interested in meeting someone else not all men are that unkind that they reject someone on this basis. I’m not selling myself as a package. It’s hypothetical and I’m sure some men have kids too and don’t mind. I’m not looking for a charity. I can support myself.

It made me feel like nothing and I think that’s the idea to put my in my place. I think it’s pretty vile.

I told him I have friend who have two kids and have met someone new. Not much difference in 2/3 surely ?

OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 08/03/2023 06:49

He's projecting his own views.

And/or he's imagining absolutes about men in general that are not true.

And/or he's trying to discourage you from splitting by making out your life will be shit a d you'll never meet another partner. That had not been the case for several women I know so .. .. the women are sociable and outgoing and assertive, and definitely really wanted to meet a partner, I have to add

TicketBoo23 · 08/03/2023 06:53

He's also betraying a lot of chauvinism with his automatic assumption the you'd need it want another partner. That that would be foremost in your priorities.
Though again that's projection... Because most men can't imagine not having a partner for sex, company, housework etc. They even take in partners to look after their kids when they have them (if divorced/separated). Every second thread in here is a woman who's ended up taking on her partner's responsibilities for his kids & household. In fact I'd say that's a greater danger than ending up without a partner; meeting one of these user divorced/separated men and taking on their workload as well as your own.

Tuilpmouse · 08/03/2023 06:55

wingingit1987 · 08/03/2023 02:48

He would also be a single parent with 3 children though? So it would be the same scenario for him. He sounds like a twat.

Well, yes, but it sounds like he'd probably be a reckless twat who barely sees his kids, let alone lives with them, passing all the parenting onto the the OP.

Tuilpmouse · 08/03/2023 06:55

Feckless not reckless

LuckyThatMyBreastsAreSmallAndHumble · 08/03/2023 06:59

Well he sounds like a huge arsehole!

youtwoandme · 08/03/2023 07:01

I met my partner as a single mum with two children. My partner has no children.
He's the most kind, caring, thoughtful and generous person I have ever met. He treats me better than the father of my children EVER did.

When I first split up with children's father, he called me damaged goods and told me no man will ever want me with baggage! Basically called his own children baggage!!

Your DH is an arse! Don't let him waste anymore of your time.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 08/03/2023 07:02

He's being an arsehole, does he not realise there are plenty of women out there who won't date men with children either

Tbh I have 2 dc and met someone, he's talking out his backside. Like anything there are different people who want different things. Some don't mind kids, others is a hard no, some are indifferent, that goes for men and women

monsterradeliciosa · 08/03/2023 07:11

relationships are different if you have children, they can't be serious as in moving in or spending all your time together. I welcome this new period. I love being single and love the fact that anyone I met would be in a totally different relationship with me to when I was younger and without children.

it could be serious but never life merging.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 08/03/2023 07:13

If they have children of their own I don't see why they should mind. People who are childfree by choice usually want to stay that way, but that applies to either sex.

Theelephantinthecastle · 08/03/2023 07:20

There was a now deleted post a while back from someone who had five kids, got together with a dad of one and had another together (his DD being there was a problem and made their household chaotic). Myself I can't understand how anyone with that many children has the energy to date but nevertheless there are clearly people who aren't deterred by children

Penguinsaregreat · 08/03/2023 07:22

He sounds like a dick.
Who cares what he thinks?
He is assuming all men are just as bad as he is.
Leave him and concentrate on being happy.
It’s totally fine to date only child free adults whether you are male or female btw.

Badbudgeter · 08/03/2023 07:24

When I was single I never wanted to date anyone with kids. Now divorced with children. I still think it's a lot to take on other peoples children; they are expensive and time consuming. Not to mention there are so many weirdos out there targetting single parents.

Like a PP I value my peaceful life. Although may change in the future. I can't imagine remarrying or living with a man. Casual fun may be the way forward in later years.

SallyWD · 08/03/2023 07:37

I have several friends with children, who divorced and found new men. In each case the new man is a lot nicer than the ex!

BakerLea · 08/03/2023 07:53

Just tell him you would only be needing men for casual sex anyway just to really wind him up.
Another with 3 kids here, had plenty dates and casual relationships and now in a serious relationship, never once had anyone put off by the children, it's different times now and most people in their 30s have some kind of past!

OutDamnedSpot · 08/03/2023 08:00

He’s a dickhead. Why does he even think it’s relevant? Presumably you want to leave him because he’s a douche, not because you want to be with someone else.

namejump · 08/03/2023 08:01

I wouldn't date a bloke who already had kids, the thought of the whole blended family situation makes my blood run cold, would rather be single. I don't think that makes me unkind, I'm not a charity, I just know what I want for my life!

northernlight20 · 08/03/2023 08:08

i met my fiance when i was a single mother of 4 going through divorce and he is brilliant. i had a claires law check done on him before gradually introducing the kids

Thisisworsethananticpated · 08/03/2023 08:12

Wanker

he also has kids !

so clearly if you split he dumps them on you then ? is that his starting point for a split
that you have 100% custody

really don’t entrain this nonsense xxxx

Greenfairydust · 08/03/2023 08:15

@User204949

''(Male here) seems like he is being an asshole but at the same time is kind of right. I've talked to many men over the years about thier dating dealbreakers and "women with kids" always get brought. "Women with high body counts" are also up there on the list as well.

As a man who doesnt have kids but wants some I wouldnt date a woman with kids because

I want my own biological kids

2. I dont want the Ex constantly being in the background of our relationships
3. I will never have a say because they aint my kids and it will always be "her" kids not "ours"

Now if I was a single father then yeah I would date a woman with kids in fact id prefer it, there is just no benefit for a childless man to date a single mother. Ok, it shows that she is fertile but thats about it''

And based on the above comment the majority of sensible women would not date you...

whymustyouvomitontherug · 08/03/2023 08:25

He's just being an ass. I had three kids from a previous (abusive) relationship when I met my DH. Two of them are autistic. Didn't bother him at all, years later we're still very happy.

Besides, if that's what he actually believes surely it would work the other way round too. Would any woman be interested in him?

He sounds insecure, and this is just an attempt to make you feel like he's your best/only option. Ignore this bullshit, it's absolutely not true.

lap90 · 08/03/2023 08:28

The people i know who don't have kids will generally pass on people who do. That's not the case with all childless people, of course.

I imagine people who have kids are more likely to date those who do.

Your husband would also have people who pass on him because he has kids as well as sounding pretty nasty too. Do remind him of this.

Im99912 · 08/03/2023 08:39

I would have replied
don’t you mean no women would want you with 3 kids
why are you assuming I will take on full responsibility for them 😂

Amaranthe · 08/03/2023 08:40

Winterwondering22 · 07/03/2023 23:28

Just checking in to see what other people think about this comment my husband made tonight….

We are having some issues and have been for a little while so I asked him if he was feeling like going his own way to be happier.

My husband told me if we separate I’ve basically got no hope of meeting anyone as ‘who would want a woman with 3 kids’ 2 of whom are autistic. One is the other isn’t diagnosed and I’m sure he’s not.

I am not sure he fully understands that should I be interested in meeting someone else not all men are that unkind that they reject someone on this basis. I’m not selling myself as a package. It’s hypothetical and I’m sure some men have kids too and don’t mind. I’m not looking for a charity. I can support myself.

It made me feel like nothing and I think that’s the idea to put my in my place. I think it’s pretty vile.

I told him I have friend who have two kids and have met someone new. Not much difference in 2/3 surely ?

That maybe the case for some people however not every man would be put off by a potential partner having children. I personally would be more than happy to date and then hopefully build a relationship with a woman who has children.
I have always wanted to be a biological father, unfortunately I'm now 50 so the chance of that happening has greatly diminished especially as from what I've seen most women who want children tend to be in their 20's to early 30's and I would be very conscious of the age difference.
I apologise I went slightly of tangent there, so in answer to your question I think a substantial amount of men would possibly avoid dating a woman with children however I do actually believe that the majority of men would be okay dating a single mam, as I stated previously it would definitely not be an issue for me.

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 08:41

If anything they’re too interested, and the women just let them in where they start abusing the kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’ll go down like a sack of shit on here but I don’t think any woman should be moving a boyfriend in around small children. Risks too high.

Tuilpmouse · 08/03/2023 08:44

lap90 · 08/03/2023 08:28

The people i know who don't have kids will generally pass on people who do. That's not the case with all childless people, of course.

I imagine people who have kids are more likely to date those who do.

Your husband would also have people who pass on him because he has kids as well as sounding pretty nasty too. Do remind him of this.

If you're over 35, the number of normal, well-adjusted, single people with no children are very few. There are some, of course, but they are rare and not nearly enough to meet the demand of every single man over 35 out there! From what my single male friends tell me, the large majority of women on dating sites between 35 and 45 seem to have children living with them. Men who are looking for someone around that age don't have much of a choice!

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