Need clarity from you all as I think I’m losing it…..

[Valkyrie87]

I’ve posted on here the last few nights regarding my relationship with my 9 week old baby’s dad and my 7 year old daughter…..I’ll copy and paste what I’ve put and an update what happened last night and this morning….my head is fried

I have a 9 week old baby and we’ve “scuffled” twice now, 4 weeks after baby was born it happened first time, grabbing my phone cos he was screaming in my face cos I said I have to call the police as he was pretty much foaming at the mouth, as he was trying to get my phone my hair got caught and pulled at my extensions so I have a small bald patch on side of head now and my hand got scratched by accident during the scuffle and it bled, had another incident two nights ago

I’m constantly pussy footing around so he doesn’t fly off the handle, we can’t live like this ☹️ he keeps being rude about my 7 year old daughter too and saying she’s mental etc, this was a new low but even said to her tonight in his rage after the other scuffle he had “you should hear what mummy says about you” - as she came out of her room after hearing us 😞 so she says what did you say about me mummy - I said you know what I said earlier that you been a pickle earlier but that was it darling” so I put her back to bed and when I came out I said wow fancy saying that to an innocent 7 year old - I can’t believe it 😞

I keep doubting myself though and reminding myself be didnt “mean” to do it, it was an accident, he kept saying that after, “ I didn’t do it I kept trying to get your phone” / but even that isn’t right is it

he acts like the perfect bf when around my family and friends are around, when I told my brother and sister in law they were making excuses for him in a way, so I’ve felt extremely lonely…makes my skin crawl when he’s so charming…altho he let the cracks appear slightly last visit, throwing toys out the pram because i didn’t “stick” up for him with my 7 year old, so they kind of got to see that side.

he uses whenever I wanted a cuddle off him too against me. Earlier in his rage he says I’m too much, too needy (which I’m really not) told me to get off my “fat arse” when he wanted to sort the baby, I encourage him to cuddle her cos he moans he misses out when at work, then says I don’t do anything while I’m on maternity leave, as I’m typing my head is fried. We haven’t been together long and I wish I never met the guy.

You are in an abusive relationship here.

What are your options? Is the house you are in yours or his and do you have any income at all?

Where is this man now?. What is the situation re the property? Is it a joint rental/sole named rental property for instance?.

Pregnancy and birth are flashpoints for domestic abusers to show their true selves. This is no life for you, your DD and baby. He thinks that now you’ve had his baby you are trapped. He is wrong and not just content with lamping you he’s now emotionally abusing your daughter.

I would document all injuries via the police and GP and get this dangerous man out of your lives permanently. The relationship you’ve had with him is now over. Use them and Women’s Aid to get the support you need.

i rent the flat just my name on the lease x

No, none of that is right and you know that too. He does mean it and he does know what he’s doing. I’m sorry you are in this position and you are very vulnerable now when you have just had a baby but you must leave him for your sake but especially for your dd. Do you have any family or friends you can confide in/get help from? What is your housing situation can you ask him to leave? I would go to the police though and report him for his physical and emotional abuse. Maybe they could advise on a non molestation order.

He does mean it, he can control it and it will get worse.

Have a Google for Lundy Bancroft why does he do that? Read the free pdf and get out of this before it becomes more dangerous.

It's not your fault.

Just seen your update, in that case call the police and have him removed from your flat. Still report the violence though

You need to get out lovely and quickly. Not only are you in an extremely abusive relationship, but so is your little girl. She has no choice. You do.

What's the housing situation?

I had not seen your previous posts.

Can I ask how long you have been together? As you said not long yet you have a baby with him.

It is great that the lease is in your name. You need to get him out, you have to know you cannot carry on in this relationship. Look what he is doing to your daughter. Please put your children first.

Am glad to read that you are solely named on the lease as this will make it easier to get him out.

Abusers as well can be quite plausible to those in the outside world.

last year while I was pregnant he went missing for the day and I phoned up the police as I hasn’t heard from him for 13 hours, (he has a heart op a few years ago so was worried, plus we were never apart when it was amazing) I get a call from the police to say he’s been down the station and I have to let him explain when he gets in….I get the officer who I rang initially call me up and say if you need us we’ll be round so I thought wth is going on…turns out his ex reported him for hurting her and they been trying to get him for 2 months so they finally caught up with him and said you can either come to station or we’ll come to you (his uncles house) so he was in the cell all day and they took his phone off him for 2 months!! At the time cos he was so charming I never thought in a million years he’d do it - and he kept saying his ex was this and that, his mum was saying there’s no way my boy would ever do that - everyone was saying to me his a gentleman and from what I saw I thought so too, but over the months I’ve started to realise I do think his ex was telling the truth, two months later he had his phone handed back with no further action

He keeps saying I didn’t mean to intentionally hurt you your hair got caught up on the scuffle I’d never hurt you etc

In what way have the answers you've had to your previous posts not been helpful?

I assume you were told to kick him out? What's stopping you?

Find your strength, for your children if not for yourself and get rid of him. This is not what a relationship and family is supposed to look like. It will get worse until he really injures you. Watching this will do permanent damage to your children. You know what you need to do and don't need us to tell you. Be strong, you're worth more and so are they.

Honestly I got pregnant 3 months in to knowing him, too soon, I was on the pill and I had chemo a few years ago where they said my reproductive system had been damaged so I thought it would take a lot of trying when I wanted to get pregnant so it came as huge shock for me - he was ecstatic though - was so happy, crying cos he was so happy, that’s why I find it hard and I’m so confused

Please call the police again and get him removed. He sounds dangerous

His words say just as much as his actions. He sounds emotionally abusive also, phone the police and report his behaviour so it's written down, just let them know you're going to be changing the locks (if you do) - is there anywhere you can stay for a few nights? After you tell him you're done he's going to try and manipulate you into believing you're in the wrong but from everything you have written here it's crystal clear that you're not.

His behaviour won't change and if anything it will only get worse. Leave for the sake of yourself and your children. You must have enough stress with a 9 week old baby let alone his abuse ontop.

Pick up the phone today and call the police and report his violence and get him out.

Have you got any friends who can help you do all this?

He keeps recording me whenever we argue too and says I’ll get you done for drink driving if you call the police on me - which is laughable as on the recording he’s egging me on saying how much have you had [name redacted] and I had a shandy that evening - I just had the baby so wasn’t interested in drinking - can’t get arrested for that - he’s constantly got his phone out recording me 😑

Please do this..

Or woman's aid

But please do something, he isn't a good man, he is abusive and it will get worse and worse

It's domestic abuse

They have been helpful, I was advised to open a new thread 🙂