Should I break up over money?

[Bellarosee]

I have two kids with my partner and we had an argument last night over money (not the first time)
My dad is a mechanic and he’s currently fixing my partners van (saving him hundreds) and is using my car to get to work etc. my daughter is at nursery and goes to swimming lessons every week, I asked what would happen with the swimming lesson and my partners response was ‘I am not paying £45 for a cab for her to just go swimming’ (baring in mind that he is going Amsterdam this weekend with his friend, plays Golf every weekend and football once a week). He also said ‘we can’t afford to waste money like that’. I told him that he won’t be going to my dad the next time his van needs fixing and he blew his top and said how I’m spiteful.
He is now saying I’m ‘silly for having the hump’ and that I shouldn’t over react and trying to be overly nice and back track on what he said.
I need space but he’s not giving me it, what would you do?

Are your finances pooled?
Do you work?
What do you get out of the relationship?

I'd leave him to look after the kids and take some space for myself to think iver whether i wanted to be partnered with someone who behaves so selfishly.

Also, isn't the point of a mechanic that he can fix his own van?

You need a shared budget for unexpected costs like this. It should be on one or other of you, but come from a shared pot for children related expenses.

but he sounds like he is very mean with money, and also mean with love, fancy not letting his kid go to a hobby

I would be taking my car back and let him find his own way to work.

What is like in general? Do you work? Have you access to your own money?

Not sure I’d be forking 45 quid in taxis for a week for swimming lessons either here. And I don’t get why you’d attack him and say he can’t have your dad fix his van. Why’s it your decision and not your fathers

Where does it say that her partner is a mechanic?

Well I wouldn't pay £45 to attend a swimming lesson either that's ridiculous, just skip the week. But that's not the issue here is it?

OPs dad is the mechanic, not her partner

I mean, I would probably not spend £45 rather than miss one swimming lesson.

but I would try and rearrange my day to finish early or WFH to take DD.

His van's in the shop, he needs to sort alternative transport to work if you need your car

I also wouldn’t pay £45 for a taxi for a swimming lesson. Missing one lesson won’t do any harm. Why would this mean he can’t take his van to your dad any more?

Is that one swimming lesson or more this week?

I think that OP’s point is her dad is saving them hundreds, so £45 taxi should be seen in the context of that.

I wouldn’t be paying £45 to get to a pre-schooler’s swimming lesson either, that’s nuts.

And yes, you do sound spiteful.

Is the £45.00 for one swimming lesson or more this week? @Bellarosee

Can't you use public transport?

The other issues, re. how much time and money your husband is spending on himself. Is he generally uninterested in his daughter's hobby? Do you get equal opportunity to pursue hobbies and trips? If not a discussion is probably needed.

£45 for a taxi needs to be seen in the context of OP's dad fixing the van for free AND the husband getting to spend money on his trip to Amsterdam and golf. I'll wager OP isn't allowed to spend the equivalent on herself.

I wouldn't spend £45 going to a swimming lesson. Just skip that week. If he needs to get to work and you have offered him your car to do this then I think you have to suck up minor inconveniences like this. Do you work too and bring in money?

Nobody needs to pay £45 for taxis to DD's swimming.

OP simply takes her own car back, & drives DD there as normal.
Her partner can make his own way to work, or take time off if he is unable to work without transport.

He can afford time off to go on holidays, golfing & football.
He can use his own money to get transport, go without.

No way should OP be left without a car when her partner behaves like a single man.

@Whataretheodds no I still think it's a silly amount, my kids go to swimming weekly and occasionally there is a reason we can't go, one skipped week isn't a problem. We have a very healthy family income, but I still wouldn't pay that.

His priority is clearly himself

Don't forget that he is using OPs car while his is being fixed. Take back your car.

A £45.00 taxi for one lesson might be excessive but the OP mentioned 'lessons' plural. She might be training more seriously than a once a week hobby class level.

I'd decide similar if my dad's kindness saved my partner hundreds of pounds, yet he was too mean to spend a fraction of that amount making sure my DD didn;t miss out because he was using MY car for the week.
And my dad would back me up.

Saying they can't afford it is horrible.
He can afford a boys' trip to Amsterdam.
He sounds selfish beyond repair.

I think I'm with the OPs partner with this one. No way would I pay for a £45 taxi either. I think you were spiteful to say you wouldn't let your Dad fix the van next time.

Sounds like you don't have a good relationship.

Reminds me of my ex husband - I paid the mortgage and ALL the bills and all the repairs for the car.
Then we'd go shopping and if he'd bought a few items last time he'd say it's your turn to pay for the shopping this time.
I had to divorce him or I would have murdered him.