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Original poster

Should I break up over money?

100 replies

Bellarosee · 28/02/2023 12:49

I have two kids with my partner and we had an argument last night over money (not the first time)
My dad is a mechanic and he’s currently fixing my partners van (saving him hundreds) and is using my car to get to work etc. my daughter is at nursery and goes to swimming lessons every week, I asked what would happen with the swimming lesson and my partners response was ‘I am not paying £45 for a cab for her to just go swimming’ (baring in mind that he is going Amsterdam this weekend with his friend, plays Golf every weekend and football once a week). He also said ‘we can’t afford to waste money like that’. I told him that he won’t be going to my dad the next time his van needs fixing and he blew his top and said how I’m spiteful.
He is now saying I’m ‘silly for having the hump’ and that I shouldn’t over react and trying to be overly nice and back track on what he said.
I need space but he’s not giving me it, what would you do?

OP posts:
Ceryneianhind · 28/02/2023 13:31

get your car back and let him work out his own way to work

Topseyt123 · 28/02/2023 13:32

ibunofit · 28/02/2023 13:12

Mumsnet is social media.

Show quote history

No it isn't. It is an anonymous internet forum, unlike FB, Twitter etc.

To answer your question, yes you are reading a different OP to the rest of us. OP's partner sounds like a miserly twat.

Sleepless1096 · 28/02/2023 13:32

Just take back your car.

Original poster
Bellarosee · 28/02/2023 13:32

I didn’t say anything hurtful to him?

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 28/02/2023 13:33

Naunet · 28/02/2023 13:30

No, HE can catch the fucking bus, it’s HER car for god sake.

Show quote history

I'm assuming as he uses a van he likely has tools or materials he needs to cart around and so a bus is not going to be practicable.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 28/02/2023 13:34

JustKeepGoingThere · 28/02/2023 13:04

I think I'm with the OPs partner with this one. No way would I pay for a £45 taxi either. I think you were spiteful to say you wouldn't let your Dad fix the van next time.

Sounds like you don't have a good relationship.

So you'd accept hundreds of pounds worth of free labour, take your partner's car for a week, then refuse to help out with the DD's swimming, even though you'd left your partner stranded without transport?

You'd say you "couldn't afford" £45, while planning a singleton-style jolly in Amsterdam?

Only a mean-minded user would behave that way.

Cherrysoup · 28/02/2023 13:39

Take your car back, take your child swimming, obviously. I'd be querying him going on a lads' weekend to Amsterdam, football and golf as a 'waste of money' too. What do you do for yourself, OP?

lovechickencrisps · 28/02/2023 13:42

@Bellarosee ask the selfish wanker if he'd like to cancel his weekend in Amsterdam in order to pay a garage to fix his van instead of your Dad if £45 is too much for taxi to swimming and not too much for a taxi to football when it suits him Confused

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 28/02/2023 13:42

Your partner needs to pay to get his van fixed. If he's self employed, he can claim it back as a work expense. And hire a van in the meantime.

He's taking the piss with the golf and football and Amsterdam etc. Tell him to take his bloody daughter swimming.

StopStartStop · 28/02/2023 13:46

OP, I don't know what the other posters have read (bunch of handmaids) but it's clear to me that your partner is...

Unbelievably selfish - Amsterdam with his mate (doing what exactly?), golf every weekend (and when do you get weekends off for solo leisure activities?) and football once a week (another privilege you don't get, I suppose).

Tight-fisted - Using your dad for a cheaper car repair whilst not forking out to get his own child to regular classes. Who is using your car? The partner?

And
He's denying you head-space because he knows he is in the wrong and doesn't want to lose his power over you by giving you time to think about it rationally.

What value is this complete dick adding to your life?

StopStartStop · 28/02/2023 13:54

Ooh, the sensible people arrived whilst I was composing my post.

MuttsNutts · 28/02/2023 13:56

So do as numerous people have suggested and say you need your car back for that day. That’s the simple answer. Spending £45 to get a preschooler to a swimming lesson would be ridiculous.

This relationship isn’t going to last anyway mind, he’s entitled to spend his money as he wants but he obviously isn’t in the place that you would like him to be and prioritising you and your daughter over his hobbies and weekends away.

SheilaFentiman · 28/02/2023 13:59

MuttsNutts · 28/02/2023 13:56

So do as numerous people have suggested and say you need your car back for that day. That’s the simple answer. Spending £45 to get a preschooler to a swimming lesson would be ridiculous.

This relationship isn’t going to last anyway mind, he’s entitled to spend his money as he wants but he obviously isn’t in the place that you would like him to be and prioritising you and your daughter over his hobbies and weekends away.

It’s weird, though, because the DP’s alternative may be to get a cab himself that costs more. In which case, the cab fare to swimming is less ridiculous (though it seems it!)

Mama2six · 28/02/2023 14:00

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 28/02/2023 13:00

Nobody needs to pay £45 for taxis to DD's swimming.

OP simply takes her own car back, & drives DD there as normal.
Her partner can make his own way to work, or take time off if he is unable to work without transport.

He can afford time off to go on holidays, golfing & football.
He can use his own money to get transport, go without.

No way should OP be left without a car when her partner behaves like a single man.

Show quote history

Yes this!

MuttsNutts · 28/02/2023 14:01

SheilaFentiman · 28/02/2023 13:59

It’s weird, though, because the DP’s alternative may be to get a cab himself that costs more. In which case, the cab fare to swimming is less ridiculous (though it seems it!)

Show quote history

But that’s his prerogative 🤷🏻‍♀️

It doesn’t sound like this couple are in a place to be sharing finances anyway.

SheilaFentiman · 28/02/2023 14:03

MuttsNutts · 28/02/2023 14:01

But that’s his prerogative 🤷🏻‍♀️

It doesn’t sound like this couple are in a place to be sharing finances anyway.

Show quote history

Fair point. Think he’s of the sharing mindset “what’s his is his, and what’s hers is his too”

Aphrathestorm · 28/02/2023 14:06

If I won £1000 in the lottery I still wouldn't spend £45 on a taxi to swimming.

It sounds like there's a lot going on in the background...

Mama2six · 28/02/2023 14:06

StopStartStop · 28/02/2023 13:46

OP, I don't know what the other posters have read (bunch of handmaids) but it's clear to me that your partner is...

Unbelievably selfish - Amsterdam with his mate (doing what exactly?), golf every weekend (and when do you get weekends off for solo leisure activities?) and football once a week (another privilege you don't get, I suppose).

Tight-fisted - Using your dad for a cheaper car repair whilst not forking out to get his own child to regular classes. Who is using your car? The partner?

And
He's denying you head-space because he knows he is in the wrong and doesn't want to lose his power over you by giving you time to think about it rationally.

What value is this complete dick adding to your life?

👏🏻👏🏻

jemimapuddlepluck · 28/02/2023 14:12

Ooo the cunts came out for this one 😂
OP, next time your dad I fixing his van, for free, DO NOT let him use your car.
It's obvious from the very little you have posted that your boyfriend is a wanker.
Also, raise your bar.

crocgal · 28/02/2023 14:18

Bellarosee · 28/02/2023 12:49

I have two kids with my partner and we had an argument last night over money (not the first time)
My dad is a mechanic and he’s currently fixing my partners van (saving him hundreds) and is using my car to get to work etc. my daughter is at nursery and goes to swimming lessons every week, I asked what would happen with the swimming lesson and my partners response was ‘I am not paying £45 for a cab for her to just go swimming’ (baring in mind that he is going Amsterdam this weekend with his friend, plays Golf every weekend and football once a week). He also said ‘we can’t afford to waste money like that’. I told him that he won’t be going to my dad the next time his van needs fixing and he blew his top and said how I’m spiteful.
He is now saying I’m ‘silly for having the hump’ and that I shouldn’t over react and trying to be overly nice and back track on what he said.
I need space but he’s not giving me it, what would you do?

I thought I would just comment here as I feel a few of the above comments are being completely rude regarding your OH. Have you asked your dad to fix his van to do a nice thing for him or hold over your OH the amount of money you saved him? Sounds like the latter. I assume he earns his own money, so if he wants to spend £45 on taxis to a football game then that's entirely his decision, as it is his social life he's using it on. I think he may be being a little selfish in the regard he doesn't want to spend it on his child's swimming lesson for 1 week. Maybe you both should start an additional savings account to put spare change into for things like this such as days out and new clothes for the children so he is also contributing. When you get into a relationship with someone it's not always plain sailing and a lot of disagreements are going to be about money but there are ways to work it out instead of 'breaking things off' unless there are other underlying reasons....

Naunet · 28/02/2023 14:30

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 28/02/2023 13:33

I'm assuming as he uses a van he likely has tools or materials he needs to cart around and so a bus is not going to be practicable.

Show quote history

Not her problem, you know, like their daughter needing clothing etc apparently isn’t his problem.

Ofcourseshecan · 28/02/2023 16:52

You should use your car to take DD to her swimming lesson. But that's a minor point.

Your big problem is that your partner sounds like a total freeloader. He only pays into the joint account for rent, bills and food?????? So you pay all the other family expenses, including everything for your children? And your dad does free van repairs. While your partner spends money on holidays, sport and entertainment for himself only.

What do you get from this relationship, OP? Apart from a lazy, selfish cocklodger who acts like a guest in a free hotel and treats his children as if they're your (but not his) pets?

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 16:58

When does he watch his kids if he plays golf every weekend

When are you going away for the weekend?

Why does he have disposable income if you don't?

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 16:58

Also, take your car back off him.

ItsaMetalBand · 28/02/2023 17:21

I think you should break up, yes.

While I would rather skip a swimming lesson than pay £45 in taxi fares, it's YOUR car so fuck him. And he wastes money on his own selfish pursuits and doesn't pull his weight financially with the kids.

Stingy pricks are almost always awful in other ways too - from being selfish with the TV remote to eating the last of something you'd saved for the kids. Money is usually just the most obvious tip of the iceberg.