What will replace relationships?

[JoonT]

I may be talking nonsense, but it seems to me that the conventional relationship, the one most of us grew up believing was the norm, is less and less popular. Obviously men and women are always going to fall in love, have kids, and commit to the long haul, but that's increasingly one of many options, rather than 'the norm'. The young seem so much more cynical and wary of relationships. I know three people in their early 30s who've never bothered at all. When I was a kid (in the 1980s) that would have been considered odd.

So, my question is (assuming I'm not talking rubbish), what do you think will replace the conventional relationship? Until very recently, women needed men. Today, women can pursue a career, own property, even have children without a male partner. As a consequence, a lot are now asking "what's the point of getting involved with a man at all? If somebody really awesome comes along, great, but if not, I'm not going to 'settle' like my grandmother did"

However, people still want the same old things. They still want love and company and security. They still want somebody there for them when they're old. And they still want sexual intimacy (as opposed to random/casual sex, which is generally unfulfilling). Do you think something new could fill the void?

After what I’ve been through with STBX I think the better life option rather than marriage and kids would have been to stay single and not have kids
To concentrate on career, friends and an amazing lifestyle

Current marriage has no expiry date- and most adult relationships work like that informally even if not married- till death do us part.

Traditionally teenager relationships were seen in the same light, but nowadays we expect them to end. The experience is the focus rather than the length.

I think over time the same will happen with adult relationships. That you’ll be able to make a formal 5 or 10 year commitment to someone, with the focus on the experience rather than on the length. Eg committing to each other for 10 years to raise children together vs committing for life

I agree with this. There was a really interesting thread on this the other day. A relationship won't be seen as for 'life'. Especially if you live to be 150!

In the 1990’s a scientist predicted that the first person that would live to 200 years old had already been born.

It seems horrible, unless you stop ageing at maybe 65. Even then 😵‍💫

I've been saying for a while that relationships should go in 15 years cycles. Between 20-35, sometime to travel, have fun and explore. Between 35 and 50, someone who will be a good father/mother. After 50, maybe 15 alone or back to casual travel and fun with someone- something "lighter". After 65, find a person for the rest of your life

Why should there be any dating, relationships or kids in the first place?

So much to do.
And usually it’s the relationships/ kids that make people miserabe..,,

Perhaps people should move on and find a new LifePlan! 🤭

Yes awful, more than a hundred years of the same bloody Morecombe and Wise Christmas Special.

I think that alternative has already arrived and it is called "Tinder" has there ever been a more soul destroying invention with such a threat to human nature and normal relationships?

Never been on it.
Why do you say that?
Many people seem to like it.
What is ’normal’ and ’natural’ relationship?

I really subscribe to the idea of Living Apart Together or a Situationship. I’m out of a 20 year marriage and exH and I coparent amicably. I don’t think I could live with a man again, unless he was completely exceptional (which probably doesn’t exist). I am used to my own space now after two years. I am seeing someone who has similar views. He certainly wouldn’t want to step parent my kids as he’s been there, got the T shirt but he is incredibly kind to them. And they have a dad. But we love being together, see each other a few times in the week, holiday together. Long term, we hope it will continue to work, but right now it suits us. Friends and family seem to accept that he’s my “best friend” and see me living on my own as very positive. I have changed so much, like a weight has been lifted. It has, the weight of resentment plus having ultimate choice is a game changer.
I also have a wide circle of friends with shared interests, so there’s always someone to knock about with. But oh the peace! Sitting and reading a book and slobbing out in an immaculate house, priceless.

I've been saying for a while that relationships should go in 15 years cycles. Between 20-35, sometime to travel, have fun and explore. Between 35 and 50, someone who will be a good father/mother. After 50, maybe 15 alone or back to casual travel and fun with someone- something "lighter". After 65, find a person for the rest of your life.

Anyway I find the idea of serial long-term relationships extremely unappealing tbh. Better to either find someone you're happy to stay with for the long haul or stay single imo.

This is what I'm hoping to find too. I am happily single at the moment. Can't ever see myself living with another man.

@JustMe2023 i really disagree with you about soulmates. I've had three really significant relationships, each about a decade long and each were great matches, until they weren't. We don't stay the same through our lives and as we grow, age, change, what we look for also changes. I'm now, at nearly 50, in a committed relationship but very much "living apart together". I parent my kids alone, pay for and run the house alone, see DP when kids are elsewhere and maintain a very strong sense of independence. As a pp said, as women are far more able to be self supporting, their "need" for a man and even kids is diminishing. I believe I'm right in saying that statistics suggest women are ultimately happier as single later in life, whereas mens' fortunes are far worse as singles. Most older couples I know, of my parents age bear that out in that it is the woman who is more socially active, physically active and would cope better of the two if left alone.

I think this thread alones just proofs how conventional people are.
So I don’t think anything will really change.
People still want or think that they have to do what always have been done.

(Perhaps there are small number of women who don’t want to live with men once they’ve had marriage and kids and divorce first)

Also, are men really that awful to live with?😅

Dunno about the age we live going up, I thought it was actually going down again. In the UK anyway.

I think something that would really improve relationships for all would be for men to take on more unpaid caring roles.

I think a lot of men are still desperately clinging on to the individualistic thinking that came with solely supporting a whole family. A kind of wish to be frozen in the 1950s. Many men expect this without financially supporting their family, or even making any long term commitment to their DC and DC's mother.

They end up lonely old men who have blighted their DCs' lives.

Rather than Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson steering men towards future misery, they need to see some examples of how much men's lives can be enriched when they play a proper part in bringing up their DC and sharing responsibilities with their SO.

It is far better to have a family that loves you and loves spending time with you, than an angry man on a screen for company. Even if he does give you a sense of righteous indignation.

My ExH, my sister's Exp, have never had (and have never taken) responsibility for anything. Neither of them had bedrooms for their DC. Neither of them ever consistently paid maintenance towards their DC. Both of them expected their DC to be given their names. Neither of them were in their DC's homes beyond toddler years. Both of them expect equal glory (Xmas day, award ceremonies etc). Both of them will tell anyone that will listen (including their DC) how awful the mother's of their DC are. Both of them are very keen to stress that nothing negative should ever be said about them (projection??)... I could go on. 😂😅 I think fathers like this are 10 a penny.

Men should expect a lot more of themselves and each other. They should also want more for themselves.

Lots of good and happy men do exist of course. DH is an actual parent, partner. He is also much happier and fulfilled than the above example. Nearly all of our friends are happy and have supportive, loving families. When it works, it is a brilliant way to live.

I can certainly see the appeal of this. My only thing is I don't think it's financially viable for most. I also think when you really like someone you end up basically living together and so then you end up moving in, but that's also because that's what's expected in some ways. I think for this to work, both people would need to be very independent and secure in themselves

But that's the thing, most people change and not necessarily together and thats why that's more appealing for some. Im

Other than myself, I’ve never met a person who hasn’t / doesn’t currently / looking for relationship, want marriage and have kids.

I don't know anyone in my circle who aspires to any of the aforementioned things.

Also doubt that marriage is still the universal "social status" symbol it might have once been when women were far more dependent on men.

Most young women my age these days know that alot of marriages are Shams, bunch of unhappy people keeping each other in a miserable situation because of kids/finances/keeping-up-with-the Joneses and "what will the neighbours say", coupled with the current divorce rates,

Yeah, I'll pass.

Well, that is all amazing to hear.

But honestly, I’ve only seen this online.
Outside world still is very much what I wrote.
And ’having a man’ is very much a status symbol, and considering what low life men quite a few women choosw to stay with, it is a big one.
Followed by having kids.

Im not saying your perception is wrong, I do think that people do tend to gravitate towards like minded people, so if you have someone who aspires to the things you mentioned, they're less likely to be found in a circle of friends who see things the way I do

But that's the thing, most people change and not necessarily together and thats why that's more appealing for some.

Yes, I'm not at all a believer in staying in a relationship which has broken down ir where you're not happy. It's the idea of repeatedly going through a break-up, unentwining your lives (and possibly your parenting), then navigating the dating stage again, then getting getting to know your new partner who might not be right for you, starting again, eventually separating again... Sounds ghastly.

I've been happily married 20 years. Yes we've both changed, but that's not a problem. If my marriage ended for whatever reason, I would absolutely unquestionably remain single. I very much doubt I would even do casual dating. I told dh that and he was very touched! But it's only partly because I love him and we go so well together. A large part of it is that the thought of embarking on another relationship is just not remotely appealing! I realise I may be unusual in that though!

And ’having a man’ is very much a status symbol.

I've only seen that attitude in teenagers and in vacuous women on social media. In real life people I know seemed to meet someone they like and settle down with them because they're happy together and want a family life. Maybe it's an age thing though. The importance of image on social media and in online dating has probably skewed people's motivation for having a partner.

A hopelessly romantic teenager, I always wanted to get married and have children. And tied myself in knots trying to get a man to 'choose me'.

Looking back, I had desperate stamped on my forehead. I'd compromise and be embarrassingly compliant to get a man.

Unsurprisingly, any relationship I managed to have didn't work out and I remained single. My last disastrous relationship 15 years ago produced my DD who I have raised alone.

Now I'm very happy as a single mum and have zero interest in ever being in a relationship. I'm lucky to own my own home and have a great job. I know I don't want to live with a man. I enjoy my safe haven far too much! Maybe a situationship would suit me better? Just male company every now and then? My married friends aren't selling marriage to me to be honest. It all sounds like the 'compromise and compliance' I want to avoid. But the young woman in the office where I work are all still hell-bent on marriage and children.

Personally, I think it's down to money... if people could afford to, i'm sure most would choose to live alone.