How do you split your bills if one earns much more than other

[Shookethtothecore]

Just that really. How do you split your earnings. So bills and everything and allocate what’s left over. Especially if one of you far out earns the other.
thanks

I think a lot depends on the type of relationship: in particular whether you are married or not and whether or not you have children (together or separately)

A married couple with joint children will probably have very different arrangements from an unmarried couple with children from previous relationships.

Married no children. When we got married it all became joint. We don't police what we spend but if either of us wants to make a bigger purchase eg over £200 we check in before doing so. I don't know how it would work otherwise.

And by “whatever else” I mean gym memberships, new clothes, makeup (for me not DH), socialising with friends.

I tend to buy things for the DDs from my account (usually add things onto orders I’m already doing eg boots) and I pay the childcare costs.

Husband pays for everything home wise and all bills.

I pay food shopping and the rest is mine.

All money goes into one pot. All spending comes out of that pot.

How come this logic is always knocked down if a man voices it..?

No judgment but people scream abuse when the reverse applies

Lol sounds fair!

I always find it an odd relationship if you literally can't pool and share everything

He earns 5x what I do, it simply wouldn't be fair to split it 50/50.

My DH is rubbish with money and I’ve always earnt slightly more than him. Weve always kept separate accounts to be paid into but moved money (equal amount) into a shared joint account. I save, he just flys by the seat of his pants when it comes to producing money for holidays/birthdays etc 🤦🏻‍♀️ drives me insane

We opened a joint account when we got married 43 years ago. All our money has always gone into it and once all bills have been paid the rest is just "ours". Luckily neither of us are spenders and we discuss any biggish purchases.

Over the years we have, at different times, both been the higher earner. I had to stop working in 2017 due to ill health and until I got my pension in 2020 had no money coming in whatsoever.

We share all our money, always have.

One pot and it's all shared.

We have a joint account. The principle is that the income is pooled and the money is shared. Unless someone has a problem with debt, and needs their own account, this makes it easier.
However in your situation if you feel the money is your own and you are both contributing to the household bills, you need to work out how much each of you contributes and divide the bills between you as convenient. So maybe you decide one person can contribute 1000 and one can contribute 2000. Maybe one pays the mortgage and council tax and the other pays food bills, ad hoc shopping and electricitity. I could not be doing with having to micro manage every time you went to buy a bag of dog food or something, how to split it.

I've got separate spending money to my DH because our attitude to money is really different and he is a total ostrich about any spending that isn't food, bills or car.

Thanks. We are married with 3 children. Dh earns 6 figure salary and I was a stay at home mum. He paid for everything and gave me a £300 a month spending. I recently started a little self employed job and he has said he can stop giving me money now.
im very grateful all bills are covered but my lifestyle and his lifestyle are not the same. He point blank refuses joint bank accounts and I’m wondering if I’m feeling pissed off because I am being selfish or that this is normal?!

For context I am earning about 300 a month from my job as I’m fitting it in around the kids.
dh works long hours and is often away with his job

I definitely don't agree with the idea of you having no visibility of the finances, but isn't your DH correct when he says your self-employed earnings are able to cover the amount he was giving you previously?

I hope that at least when you said he paid for 'everything' it's really everything, including everything for the kids? Are you a second card holder on one of his credit card accounts?

No nothing I can’t see anything financially from him.
I get that. I do and this is where I’m torn. Because he’s right I am now earning what he was giving me but equally he can buy pretty much whatever he wants whenever he wants and I felt a little bit put out that he doesn’t choose to give a little bit to me I guess.

This is a nuts arrangement. £300 spending money isn't a lot if that's the only money you have access to.

How do you pay for groceries or clothes? Do you have one of his cards to pay for things like that?

We’ve always shared finances from when we both worked full time, to when I was part time and now that I don’t work. He still works full time. We’re a couple and neither of us would want it any other way. We’re both responsible with money and never had any issues.

I’d be very unhappy and concerned in your position OP.

i pay for the clothes I want and the kids clothes I want and the odd grocery shop. If I ask for things he will pay for them.
I think we have slips into this dynamic and I would really like a fresh look at how we handle our finances. Like a set amount put away for kids stuff that we could both use ect. I’m happy to earn my own spending money.

I am unhappy. I feel a bit like a maid tbh

I dont agree with this logic from a woman either but I think no one is focusing on it because they don't want to derail the OPs thread, if that post were the OP you would probably see different responses and more focus on that

And, without wanting to derail the thread I would point out that 90% or more of the time that the man is withholding money from a woman, the woman is doing the vast majority if not all of the housework and parenting. And the few times that it's women withholding money from the men the men are also not pulling their weight at home.

But that's a vast simplification and I don't know that posters circumstances personally and I don't want to derail