37F, in a relationship for 2.5 years with my partner. We live together, co-parent a lovely doggy, are very well suited in terms of our personalities, he's the most loving partner i've ever had. We got together during the pandemic - lived in different cities but I moved to his within 6 months and we moved in together a few months later.
A little over a year into our relationship, I got to wondering about how the relationship was going to progress. We had never had the marriage - babies conversation until then; frankly I was longterm single when I met him and had accepted my fate, didn't think these things would ever happen. Suddenly I was in love, very happy and realised I wanted to settle down and start to build my family. We've had that conversation about half a dozen times over the last year and a half and every time I raise these things I feel my partnership shut down, get annoyed, or tell me "we've spoken about this already / we have a plan".
A few months ago he started a much higher paying job, he told me he wanted to prepare for us potentially trying for a child and being able to provide well. Then, last November we decided to start trying. It's obviously only been a few months and I don't know what the journey is going to look like for us, but I've started to feel an immense urge to be married and be his wife. The "boyfriend / girlfriend" tag seems so immature and casual in contrast to what we have as a couple: he is my life partner and he's my whole life and he's told me the same about me.
Marriage doesn't seem to be a priority to him. Another important bit of context is that there was an unexpected and very sudden death in his family around this same time, which probably pushed us into starting TTC. I made some half-jokes in the lead up to Christmas about a proposal, which he addressed by saying, "it absolutely is on my mind, but now isn't the time." I understand that, at least practically. But especially as we get deeply entrenched into this TTC process - I'm beginning to get deeply impatient and wonder, "well when is?"
I want to be married. I want the status of husband and wife, I want the legal partnership, I want the protection and commitment of it. Financially we are not far apart; I have a lot of savings and investments, while he owns the house that we live in. We can afford to get married, we can afford to build our family. I'm struggling with straddling the sensitivity towards his bereavement with my own strong desire to be married to him and the frustration of feeling like this will never be a priority to him.
To make matters worse; we are surrounded by married couples with young children. A friend of mine has just gotten engaged after 6 months together; there are few childless and non married folks around me. I just don't understand his delay with this, especially if our feelings about each other are mutual.
Does anyone have any advice?