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Original poster

husband called me frigid

97 replies

user1468655141 · 15/02/2023 12:20

im 57 years old.. married 32 years ..ive been suffering still with menopause symptoms and am currently on HRT.. recently ive been suffering with low mood, aches and pains and general tiredness. I decided to try get earlier night and cut down on alcohol but my husband is night owl and so getting to bed early isnt easy. but the thing thats bothering me the most is that im never 'in the mood'. at the end of the day when im tired and aching i just want to go to sleep but he attempts to have sex most nights. last night was same but i didnt respond and this morning he asked me if i was frigid. i dont know what anyone else makes of this but ive been deeply upset by the comment. In fact insulted. He knows full well ive not been feeling good for some time with my energy levels and general low mood. I broke my hip a year ago and my arm year before and undergone bone scan which says im borderline osteoporosis ...constant bone pain.he has a high sex drive and im finding it difficult to fulfil his constant needs at a time in my life where i thought this side would slow down. but the comment has offended me so much ..am i being over sensitive?

OP posts:
NathanielSitsOnASpike · 15/02/2023 12:30

That is a horrible word to use about your own wife.

Tell him to jog on, you're not a machine made to satisfy his desires . You'll have sex when you're BOTH up for it, not when he bullies/insults you into it.

rexythedinosaur · 15/02/2023 12:33

I think 'Frigid' is one of the most vile and misogynistic words in the English language.

It is used exclusively towards women, objectifies them and reduces everything about them down to sex and whether or not they will give men what they want.

It's horrendous and if my husband ever used it about me (or another woman for that matter) I would divorce him.

CantbelieveimaskingthisonMN · 15/02/2023 12:33

My DH said this to me once. Admittedly we don’t have sex often and far, far less than he would like but no, you are not being over sensitive.

Post menopausal, multiple chronic health conditions which cause pain and exhaustion, Lichen Sclerosis so sex is painful at the best of times…
Frankly it disgusts me that he puts his want for sex above my health.

That agony aunt Denise that used to be on This Morning used to annoy me when she’d say to callers on a phone in ‘ you didn’t sign up for a sexless marriage….it’s cruel to alway be rejected’ blah blah blah. How is it any better for a woman to ‘lie back and think of England’ just so her husband can get his end away?

3487642I · 15/02/2023 12:44

His behaviour shows that he feels entitled to sex regardless of how you feel and that he feels entitled to punish you for not doing what he wants by calling you names. The dynamic with him sounds awful. He does not seem to care about you or see you as a human being.

You were not born to fulfil his needs, and absolutely not when there is a cost to you. Please ignore his attempt to bully you and focus on looking after yourself. Find something nice to do and someone more pleasant to spend some time with. Maybe he needs to sleep somewhere else so you can get the rest you need for your health and well-being.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/02/2023 12:44

He sounds an absolute shocker and I'd be packing my bags. Or his.

flabbygoldfish · 15/02/2023 12:49

Wow, not heard that term used in anger since I left school. Sort of comment I would expect from an ignorant school boy.

I would be upset at this as well, and probably provided a lot of feedback to that. Maybe mention that his lack of empathy & ability to behave like a decent human being is the issue.

Watchkeys · 15/02/2023 12:50

im finding it difficult to fulfil his constant needs

It's not your job, it's his. He has to be the one to make the effort here, not you. If he's not capable of treating his partner in a way that makes her want to be available to him, that's his problem, not yours.

Sex isn't a need. It's a want.

Is he concerned about what you want?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 15/02/2023 13:07

Its horrible. It is making you the problem, not him. Perhaps more of an issue is that he cannot have any empathy for you and your needs. You are not over sensitive. He is being an asshole.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 15/02/2023 13:10

So do you go to bed before him and he interrupts your sleep to have sex? Or do you feel you can't go to bed without him?

Aside from his horrible comment there obviously isn't much care there for you, you should put your needs first, get separate rooms or better yet separate houses.

StarDolphins · 15/02/2023 13:10

Ewww! That’s gross. I just couldn’t accept someone hassling me for sex every night & then calling me frigid if I said no!

RedToothBrush · 15/02/2023 13:13

Any male who calls their female partner or would be partner frigid is coercive and rapey.

You can't give proper consent if you feel under duress to put out.

Gall10 · 15/02/2023 13:16

There’s no such thing as a frigid woman…..just arseholes of partners who don’t give a damn about their wife/partner’s feelings.

xprincessxjanetx · 15/02/2023 13:17

Ffs "frigid" is what boys used to call the virgin girls when I was in secondary school! What a vile man you are married to, completely out of order.

converseandjeans · 15/02/2023 13:21

That's a horrible way to speak to you. Did he expect you to resume duties after a broken hip? Does he expect you to wait up for him every night? Tell him to subscribe to only fans - it might give you a break!

converseandjeans · 15/02/2023 13:22

And yes it's a word used usually by teenage boys who can't get girls to do what they want.

Swannning · 15/02/2023 13:22

Horrible man putting his wants above your health and well-being.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 15/02/2023 13:22

Wow, nothing gets a woman going quicker than calling her frigid. I’ll have to remember that move, not.

What an absolute misogynistic twat of a man. I bet he’s no great shag either. I’d be kicking him and his disappointing penis out the door.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/02/2023 13:24

It's not mandatory to be in a relationship op. They're supposed to make you happier. It doesn't sound like this one does whatsoever, and it wouldn't me because he sounds vile, then you can move on.

barbrahunter · 15/02/2023 13:25

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, OP. What would a life without him look like to you?

Wombats67 · 15/02/2023 13:27

I'm menopausal with a dodgy hip. Not a chance I'd be having sex late at night when I want to be asleep.

Constant needs is code for sex pest.

Tell him to fuck right off. If he continues to be insensitive, I'd be thinking of getting a cat and being single. He's allowed to want sex but it does need proper communication, not being poked late at night.

What does he bring to the marriage?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 15/02/2023 13:27

Next time he tries his luck tell him he is a fucking sex pest...

Springpetal · 15/02/2023 13:27

I’m early 50s and I ve been wondering/ hoping things will slow down .
i assumed / hoped they all got erection problems in their 50s
it would be very difficult for us to divorce ..
I didn’t realise before we had children/ got married that actually I could happily live without sex..
I remember dreading going to bed every night ,Incase he wanted sex..
I don’t know op ,I don’t have the answer ,
I would divorce if it were possible,but it’s not .
do you want to divorce?

Maray1967 · 15/02/2023 13:37

converseandjeans · 15/02/2023 13:22

And yes it's a word used usually by teenage boys who can't get girls to do what they want.

Exactly this. I’d rip his bollocks off if he was married to me.

Lollypop701 · 15/02/2023 13:38

Well if you weren’t frigid before I bet you are now! Yanbu

Pinkbonbon · 15/02/2023 13:47

...do you need this guy for some reason?

Because he sounds like a knobhead who is cramping your style big time.

Get shot of him. Then sleep whenever you want, as long as you want. And never have sex you don't want again.

Life is short, don't waste it with contemptuous wankers.