What have I done

[Spinning12335]

I ended it. Devastated and terrified. He's all I have( unhealthy I know). There is no family. Kids are asleep, he's gone and I don't know how the hell I'm going to mentally pull through.

Everyone has always said I'm strong because I keep going but I'm so broken inside. I know I'll be fine for the kids but how do I get through the evenings.

I thought I'd be relieved - I've not been able to look at him. Instead I wish I could change it, try to fix one more time. I've never been able to fix anyone I wanted to. So lonely.

Tell people the truth.

Stop protecting him.

No one is protecting you.

Tell the truth.

I agree with this OP.

You don't need to publicly announce to the world what's happening but for your own sanity you need to be honest with trusted loved ones so you have emotional support. And practical support in the coming months too.

He's allowing you to be cast in the role of villain when you've done absolutely nothing wrong at all.

It's cruel and selfish.

You deserve to be supported and live authentically.

I'm too scared to tell mutual friends after I told one and they said they thought I should forgive him and try to work it out :-( . I have told one of my friends who is supportive as she can be considering her own responsibilities.

I'm making use of free helplines - the people who do it are amazing.

If you told your friend explicitly the kind of stuff he had been looking at and they still said you should stay with him, they have shockingly low standards and do not understand how extreme his interests are.

I'm so sorry that you told someone and they made you feel you were wrong not to stay with him.

We are all here for you - I know it's not the same as people you know in real life but lots of us are thinking of you and sending you a hand hold

Keep relying on us @Spinning12335, dont let 'friends' downplaying it make you doubt yourself.

Friend phoned me and apologised. Said they'd had time to think and felt they were wrong and had reacted in shock. That's made me feel a bit stronger. I re-read this thread too when I need a boost.

He is hellbent on getting me( seems less about the kids tbh) back and is all over the place- super nice/ blaming/threats/ begging. Makes my head hurt. If I'd thought he'd try for custody I'd have stayed put - I think it's unlikely but it's really playing on my mind :-(

Talk to the friend who's understood. Talk to social services about your fears about contact and custody.

I got the impression some of the stuff he was doing was illegal. Doesn't that make a difference? Ask women's aid.

Friend is concerned and thinks he's unstable. They have spoken to him and believe he has convinced himself he is the victim and we will get back together when I realise that.

It may be illegal- and there are other issues but I have heard awful stories about dad's getting contact when they really shouldn't. I worry he will become vindictive/ desperate when he finally accepts I won't change my mind. I think I might contact women's aid as I'm feeling uneasy about it all and feel like I'm going a bit crazy for feeling uneasy iyswim!!!