Uncomfortable with his ex

[Scouse568]

I feel uncomfortable with the relationship he has with his ex. We live together and have been together for 4 years now, talking about getting married next year and the relationship is honestly better than I could have ever hoped for. This is the only gripe I have!

So he is still very friendly with his ex girlfriend, they have no kids together and still work together occasionally. They message every few days and go for dinner every few months which I didn't like but we agreed he would be open and honest about it so I wouldn't find out and he caught off guard. That has been ok so far (just had to deal with my demons).

Anyway this week he was away on a business trip for 2 days. When i was on my way to pick him up from the airport he txt me to say his ex was on the flight too as she had been on the trip. I just feel let down that he didn't communicate that to me before he left, if I hadn't been picking him up then he wouldn't have told me. If I mention it he says I should trust him and I do 100%, I know nothing happened with them. It's more the lack of respect for how I feel that hurts me. She gave me a dirty glare when I met him in arrivals. Am I being unreasonable and is it me who needs to get over this?

This is where I flip between am I being controlling by telling him who he can be friends with and actually I am being reasonable that this situation makes me uncomfortable and I am not ok with it.

He is acting as though nothing has happened. I think he knows I am upset but it's really hard. Maybe I am being a pushover. I don't want to ruin something good because I feel insecure. He is a good man I have seen that with the way he treats his ex wife (even though she was horrific towards him - I have seen it first hand).

Trying not to blow something up when it isn't that big of a deal

@Heyahun it's not about insecurity. Maybe the exes you're around don't find you sexually attractive to take it further. Some exes do.

@Scouse568 how would he feel if you did the same with an ex?

How weird and convenient they are so into each other ,

It's like they are having a Parrell relantship of sorts in plain sight with yours,

He has no children with her so why does he need to be in contact with her so frequently like that,..

Why aren't you not included in their getogethers then?
Why did he have convenient selective Amnesia syndrome when in regard of business work trip then?

Why did she glare in a Disrespectful manner like that?
When you are one who is in official relantship with him,

It's like she can hardly bear torelate your very presence Op,

Why did she react in such a way,

I bet if she was still in a official relationship with him
No way in hell she would allow any female friends whatever 🙄

I think you are being too Naive trusting gullible,

I wonder Op how he is like about if you had any platonic male friends then?
Just intrigued,

He went on a business trip with her for 2 days and didn’t tell you, until you were coming to pick him up and might see her? That is a gigantic fuck no from me! And somehow, he’s got you thinking that you are at fault here? He’s got some balls, i will give him that. Hold your line here op, he is massively out of order. My bet would be it’s an ego boost for both of them. A little frisson of “what could have been”. It’s shit and absolutely not acceptable.

Its not controlling to reconsider a relationship when someone breaks an agreement that's important to you. Its absolutely fine to say 'you promised this and broke the promise, how am I supposed to trust you won't do it again?' At the very least, take some time out and decide ....if he carries on going for dinners how will you feel about that? Be honest with yourself. It's also OK to ask someone to stop seeing someone. They have the right to say no. And you have to accept that and decide what you want to do with that info

Careful, if the best example you have of him is how he now treats his ex wife, it's shakey ground to base him on. Do you know why they split? Have you heard her side? He could say anything on that and it's his pov only.
I think he likes you worried and on the back foot, otherwise what's to gain from telling you she's an ex? I'll guess he's enjoying having double attention.
You are trying too hard to be the 'cool GF' when how he is behaving is not cool at all and most people would not put up with it. It looks like you are over-compensating because you think you have trust issues. You've probably informed him that you think you have difficulties trusting, told him all about past upsets? By doing so you have handed him the perfect excuse to make him look reasonable in your eyes when really he's been gaslighting you all along.
It should be a simple choice, if he choses her, you know where you stand - which os better than being in denyal while he plays you off against each other.

Honestly OP, up your standards.

You know that there are decent men out there who don't go out alone with their exes, don't you? Ones who realize that for a healthy relationship they prioritize/respect the feelings of their current partner. Dump this one and find one of them.

It doesn't matter if most of us think you're being unreasonable or not (although it appears that many on this thread would not be ok with it, myself included) - what matters is it bothers you, and as you've said he doesn’t care about your feelings if he would turn it around and make it about you not trusting him. Get rid.

You are making him your priority, giving him the rest of your life. Is he doing the same in return? You deserve nothing less.