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Original poster

Did you fancy your partner the first time you met them?

82 replies

wonderingwanderings · 10/02/2023 11:05

When I first met my exP, I didn't fancy him at all. We met at an event and started meeting up in a friendship group. As I got to know him I suddenly realised one night that I did actually fancy him! I was really surprised that after 3 months of being friends, this physical attraction had suddenly kicked in. We were together for 3 years.

I'm intrigued about this because I was recently introduced to someone and though I wouldn't say there was any physical attraction, 'on paper', everything works in terms of interests, humour...everything.

So, just curious to know if you fancied your partner right at the start or did it grow?

OP posts:
JustJamie5 · 10/02/2023 11:14

It grew…. But ‘little things’ like someone’s ability to hold a conversation are pretty high on my list of requirements! I’ve never immediately fancied anyone, I can appreciate an attractive person but to actually fancy them is a different level….I will think men and women are attractive, but I’ve only ever fancied/had a crush on men.

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/02/2023 11:15

Yes. It was instant, just overwhelming. My X I didn't and tbh I realised it never happened, I never actually fancied him.

StillWantingADog · 10/02/2023 11:16

Def grew for us. First time we met we just got on so well and had so much to talk about. It made sense to carry on meeting as there was so much to say! I think we kissed on date 4 or 5.

StillWantingADog · 10/02/2023 11:18

Sorry to clarify I don’t think I really fancied my dh first time I met him, just thought he was really nice.

CalistoNoSolo · 10/02/2023 11:19

Totally wanted to shag him from the first moment. The other stuff - his intelligence, kindness, generosity, sense of humour, toughness etc, is what I fell in love with afterwards. I don't think I've ever dated anyone without that initial gut-churning desire though.

JorisBonson · 10/02/2023 11:19

Yep. My jaw genuinely dropped, and I kept doing weird smiles at him. God knows why he wanted to go out with me 😂

Twizbe · 10/02/2023 11:20

Yep. He walked past me in the students Union. He was so tall, head and shoulders above everyone else and I just thought wow!

I literally ran over to introduce myself. We've been together almost 20 years

LT2 · 10/02/2023 11:21

Yes. I still remember laying eyes on him for the first time as a teenager. I know exactly where I was and what I was doing. This was only 13 years ago. I never would have had the courage to make the first move, so I'm thankful he did!

ChatInMyFlat · 10/02/2023 11:23

I've never had an instant reaction of attraction. It's always who they are, not what they look like.

Too weeks for me to become physically attracted to my DP, even though I loved who he was as soon as we met.

Hadalifeonce · 10/02/2023 11:24

Instantly for both of us, 25 years ago. He turned and smiled at me, was like a lightning bolt went through me. He wanted to propose after 2 weeks.

Tomeeornottomee · 10/02/2023 11:25

Oh god yeah. He has the bluest eyes I've ever seen. When we met the eye contact was intense. We still fancy the pants off each other 30 years on.

Oopsiedaisyy · 10/02/2023 11:26

First date, wasn't sure, was lovely and I did want to kiss him but didn't. Second date had this moment where i just sat there and realised he is absolutely gorgeous. Third date.. Shagged each others brains out and haven't stopped since

Mummybearto3bg · 10/02/2023 11:29

I tried so hard not to fancy my now husband but I knew that second I met him, he was the one. I was only 17 🤣 14 years later now. I still feel the same way about him now.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/02/2023 11:30

It's been a mix, but the far healthier relationships I've had, have been the ones where it's grown. Otherwise I fantasise and make up who I want the person to be, and then end up thinking they are that.

stealthninjamum · 10/02/2023 11:31

I met dp doing online dating and assumed as we were in our late 40s assumed I would never get that thunderbolt / instant attraction feeling again. He was not my usual type physically but we’d had several phone conversations and I liked his voice and he had an interesting vocabulary and way of speaking. Anyway that first date was the hottest I have ever had and four years later the attraction is still there even though we’ve both got a bit of middle aged spread.

with my exh we were friends for two years before I fancied him and then there was a thunderbolt.

fancyfrogs · 10/02/2023 11:46

Yes, met at a bar and the attraction was instant but continued to grow more obviously as I got to know his personality and everything else

BrightSaturn · 10/02/2023 11:48

Yes, but we met online so I already thought he was good looking before we met. We have been together nearly 10 years now.

SpinningFloppa · 10/02/2023 12:32

My ex (as I’m single) yes I did, I wouldn’t have carried on seeing him if I didn’t!

MissWings · 10/02/2023 12:35

Yep. He caught my eye in a club, and the feeling was mutual. Went up to him and basically just said hello and then snogged him. Wow I miss 17 year old me 😂. Brazen.

Anyway we’ve been happily married for years, 3 kids, a dog and life’s ups and downs. I STILL fancy him like mad.

PigTableManners · 10/02/2023 13:02

I thought he was good looking but it wasn't that thunder bolt moment that I had with other men who turned out either don't feel the same towards me or quite toxic. If I'm single again, I would be wary of that intense immediate attraction even though it sounds so romantic it never worked out for me.

ShakeYourFeathers · 10/02/2023 13:09

Wouldn't say I fancied him but there was something which I can't explain which made me go yeah I'll go on a second... third ... fourth date with you. Only been dating 6 weeks and properly fancy him now

As a pp said he's also made me realise that I never really fancied my ex

StonwEd · 10/02/2023 13:15

Omg yes. I fancied him for years even when we were both in relationships.
I still find it hard to believe someone that looks like him finds me attractive but he says the same about me so I guess we're a good match

DorotheaHomeAlone · 10/02/2023 13:16

Yes. Absolutely intense, jittery immediate attraction. We had a very intensely flirty, sparky conversation. The kind where everyone and everything else just melts away. We were uni students with mutual friends. I wasn’t single though and was struggling to get out of a failing, passionless relationship.

Two years later we transitioned from friends and the connection is as intense as ever, 20 years and three kids later. It’s the glue that gets us through the ups and downs and monotony of little kid life.

Darhon · 10/02/2023 13:19

Yes, with my ex and with my current partner. Also a couple of people I dated. 3 people I went on dates with there was no attraction from my side.

Flymetothetoon · 10/02/2023 13:21

No! First time I encountered him at work me and my colleague eye rolled each other because we thought he was a bit of a dick.
We will celebrate our silver wedding anniversary this year Grin

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