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Original poster

Did you fancy your partner the first time you met them?

82 replies

wonderingwanderings · 10/02/2023 11:05

When I first met my exP, I didn't fancy him at all. We met at an event and started meeting up in a friendship group. As I got to know him I suddenly realised one night that I did actually fancy him! I was really surprised that after 3 months of being friends, this physical attraction had suddenly kicked in. We were together for 3 years.

I'm intrigued about this because I was recently introduced to someone and though I wouldn't say there was any physical attraction, 'on paper', everything works in terms of interests, humour...everything.

So, just curious to know if you fancied your partner right at the start or did it grow?

OP posts:
moleeye · 10/02/2023 13:24

Yep, like a lightening bolt. Same for him too.

Still together 20 years and 2 kids later

LozzaChops101 · 10/02/2023 13:24

All of my partners I’ve known as friends for several months+ before anything developed! I rarely fancy anyone on sight.

JennyDarlingRIP · 10/02/2023 13:28

No we were eleven, I didn't really fancy anyone! We were close friends for years and it was only when we were about 16 and he has a girlfriend (I was already dating someone) I got this funny feeling that I didn't like it but brushed it off. Friends and family from late teens on would ask if we were dating/anything going on and the truth was genuinely no.
Funnily enough he had several longish term relationships as did I, and none of our partners massively liked our 'best friend' but definitely more the young women he dated really didn't like me even though I'd make the effort to be really nice. They could sense what we would laugh off. We got together at 25, married with DC now.

XmasElf10 · 10/02/2023 13:31

No but his personality was great. I found him really funny and lovely. When we had sex the first time I was really nervous that it wouldn’t work but the chemistry was bonkers good.., I think based on just how well we got on. He’ll be here in a few hours and I can’t wait!

Flumo · 10/02/2023 13:32

Definitely, never went to his work place without looking decent 😅 nearly 7 years together ❤️

HashBrownandBeans · 10/02/2023 13:33

It was instant for both of us. I’d have married him there and then if I could.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 10/02/2023 13:40

Oh yes. I met him briefly for a quick first date in my lunch hour and then went straight back into work and told my friend I was in love and wanted to marry him. That was 1986 and we are still married.

PurpleButterflyWings · 10/02/2023 13:40

Yeah definitely, because he looked like a famous, and very handsome film star of the time (mid to late 1980s.) Still looks like him a bit. Several of my work colleagues and friends said 'you done good there girl!' Grin (I did... but so did he!) Smile He's not just gorgeous to look at, he's an amazing husband too... in so many ways. Still fancy him as much now as I did when we met! And am still very much in love with him. 😍

Crostimosti · 10/02/2023 13:43

Yes and I never usually did! I was always a slow burner but saw my husband and thought he was gorgeous straightaway!

Kidsandcat · 10/02/2023 13:45

Yes. The first time I had gone out with someone I was instantly attracted to! Normally when I had fancied someone that much before straight away it hadn't materialised into anything!!

Crispynoodle · 10/02/2023 13:45

No he was my tutor (mature student) and my friends fancied him. We've been together 30 years now!

Proudofitbabe · 10/02/2023 13:46

Yes. Sounds corny written down but we locked eyes and that was it. I wouldn't describe it as overwhelming or anything, but it was immediate.

Worldgonecrazy · 10/02/2023 13:47

Absolutely! I used to buy into the idea that looks weren’t important - a myth I suspect is perpetuated by a unattractive men 😀

Several years later and in menopause and I still can’t keep my hands off him.

of course it helps that he doesn’t need me to project manage the housework, and shares the cooking and cleaning, that takes his sexiness to another level.

The downside is that other women sometimes behave inappropriately around him, especially if they’re drunk. Thankfully we are not in those situations very often.

Another downside is that he wins every argument because his sexiness is such a major distraction. I utterly adore him.

berrypop · 10/02/2023 13:55

Yes, I really fancied him physically but I didn't like him at all. I thought he was an arrogant prick. Then we had to work together on a project (we worked at the same place at the time) and I got to know him and he wasn't at all like what I'd thought and that was it basically. Been together ever since.

Pyewhacket · 10/02/2023 13:57

Yep, major fanny flutter.

gwenneh · 10/02/2023 13:59

Yes, it was instantaneous. I've never felt any jolt quite like that.
That was 18 years ago as of Tuesday.

SnakeOiler · 10/02/2023 14:01

No. It was only when we had a conversation at our third meeting that I realised I liked / fancied him.

Ponderingwindow · 10/02/2023 14:02

I’ve always gotten to know a man as a friend and then developed feelings. That was definitely true with DH.

I’m so strongly wired that way, that I don’t really understood how other people can even form romantic relationships any other way.

user1471556818 · 10/02/2023 14:04

Yes I did as did he
39 yrs later still fancy him but also he is a really nice bloke who I both love and like
Consider myself lucky tbh

Alarae · 10/02/2023 14:05

Yes - I was very surprised that he even seemed interested in me!

electricmoccasins · 10/02/2023 14:19

No. It was a Bingley and Darcy moment. His friend was all Bingley - chatty, open, funny. DH didn’t want to come out that night and showed it. I thought he was horrible and stuck up.

He loosened up as the evening wore on, but I still didn’t fancy him.

He asked for my number at the end of the evening and I gave it thinking he was unlikely to phone. But he had started to intrigue me…

He did phone. Six weeks later I was head over heels.

27-years later we’re still together and I still fancy him like mad.

mycatsanutter · 10/02/2023 14:21

Me & DH were laughing about this last night , he fancied me as soon as he saw me and I had no thoughts /feelings whatsoever 😂 we have been together 17 years and are very happy

OopsAnotherOne · 10/02/2023 14:30

Nope, not really. We've been together over 5 years now and I love him completely and entirely.

We'd known each other since school as acquaintances but had never really spoken. I often saw him posting online but, for some unfounded reason that I didn't actually have evidence for, I'd had him written off in my head as "a bit of a player"- we've since laughed about this as it couldn't have been further from the truth! I guess it was the group of friends he had maybe, I'm not sure, but it was just the impression I had so I didn't give him much notice for years, although I did find him quite physically attractive. At that time I'd decided I would prefer an actual relationship with someone and didn't want to date with the intention of a casual, no strings attached or FWB arrangement.

He messaged me online out of the blue one day, several years after we'd left school, and we got chatting; I was quite reserved though due to my prior judgements. We got on like a house on fire and there was so much chemistry, so when we soon started chatting about what we wanted (relationship, friends with benefits etc) just in general not even about what we wanted with each other as it was such early days and he replied "I'm genuinely just looking to settle down with someone, it's what I've wanted for ages now really", I got the absolute hots for him. The more I got to know him the more I realised the image of him I'd had in my head was a load of shit and actually he was a really genuine, kind, down to earth man who had the same wants and needs from a relationship as I did.

We then met up for a date and I had that typical "head over heels" reaction when I saw him, as it had been years since I'd last seen him in person. It was the weirdest thing, as soon as I saw him every fiber in my being screamed "he's the one I want". It felt like I'd known him years, I was so comfortable around him and he made my belly ache from laughing so hard from the first date. We soon blossomed from "lust, attraction and desire" for each other into a deeply loving relationship - he is my best friend, someone I can rely on and my only regret is not getting to know him sooner than I did.

Aaron95 · 10/02/2023 14:30

No. But we were probably 7 or 8 so had more important things to worry about.

Andsoforth · 10/02/2023 14:30

I was very guarded on our first date. Agreed to a second, and the moment he arrived I knew with absolute certainty we were going to be together for a long time.

I was disgusted with myself because I’m the most level headed and sceptical person I know. I was desperately trying to keep the brakes on and take things slow but oh my god he was, and 17 years later still is, a sex god.