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Original poster

Birthday with no gifts

29 replies

SK93 · 09/02/2023 08:16

OK so I'm probably sounding spoilt in this post but want to know if what I'm feeling is OK or whether I'm being stupid.

So it's my 30th birthday today and I've got no gifts this year, normally I'll get some money in a card from a few people and then my husband gets me a present. I've just split up with my husband so obviously got nothing from him. I didn't get a cars from my children which made me really upset which again is stupid because my ex is away and he's probably the one to do it. But I make such an effort for other people's birthdays and just feel like I don't matter to others. Again I know im being stupid and sound spoilt but I've always had something for my bday and I'm 30 which is a big deal but it just feels like any other day.
I think also to add to it my cousin was 30 last year and my whole family threw a big party and came together and got her gifts etc and I just feel like I'm not important enough for someone to go 'let's throw her a party' to. Like I've never had a surprise party and just feeling really lonely 🙁 even my mum didn't get me anything and I always spoil her on her birthday which is Xmas eve to.

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 09/02/2023 08:21

Happy 30th!! 🥳

It's still very early OP? Is your birthday today? I'd be very surprised of any of my family/friends had sorted anything for first thing!
However, if that is the case, take some time out for you today. Do something you love.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/02/2023 08:24

Your mum not getting you anything is incredibly shit. Did she say why? I’m really sorry you didn’t have any nice fuss and it’s normal to be hurt.

Pinkbananas01 · 09/02/2023 08:25

Perhaps they have planned a surprise party, it's only 8.30 so not likely to be this early & of course you won't know if its a surprise!?

Summer2424 · 09/02/2023 08:44

Hi @SK93 you don't sound spoilt at all x
Happy 30th Birthday 💐🎀🎉
I hope your family does do something special for you.
Don't let this day pass without marking the day even if you have to do it yourself x

WaddleAway · 09/02/2023 08:46

Happy birthday OP! You posted at 8.16am so there is still plenty of time for people to drop round a card/present or to take you for a celebration.

Luluissleeping · 09/02/2023 09:02

Did your mum get you a card/present last year? I agree it is early but if someone does not get you anything and you usually get them something for their birthday, I would not bother doing so in future. Happy birthday, by the way. If you can, take yourself to a tea room or whatever and indulge yourself.

Ssplicer · 09/02/2023 09:05

Happy 30 birthday 🎂 🎁 🍾 💐

JoanCandy · 09/02/2023 09:06

Happy Birthday 🎂 🎉 !
Wait and see, it’s still early.

mondaytosunday · 09/02/2023 09:10

I organise my birthdays. I don't expect anyone else to, and really as an adult do you need to be getting presents? A card or two is nice but if you want to celebrate you have to put it in motion.

JadeTC · 09/02/2023 09:11

Happy 30th birthday! 🥳🥳

Dragonfly97 · 09/02/2023 09:11

Happy birthday OP! There's still time for your family to spoil you, you DO matter, remember that- and if they don't, maybe re-think how much you do for others, and start putting yourself first 🎁🎉🎉🎂🎂

Original poster
SK93 · 09/02/2023 09:16

I know it's early but I live about 2-3 hours away from everyone so nothing would of been planned without my knowledge because it would have to be organised beforehand. I'm not saying presents are the most important thing, it's just 30th birthday is a big deal but it just feels like any normal day. And when all your family come together for someone else's 30th and not for your own it's gonna sting a bit right??

Thankyou for all the birthday messages, I'm gonna take my 2 kids into town for some lunch and shopping.

OP posts:
WaddleAway · 09/02/2023 09:20

mondaytosunday · 09/02/2023 09:10

I organise my birthdays. I don't expect anyone else to, and really as an adult do you need to be getting presents? A card or two is nice but if you want to celebrate you have to put it in motion.

I’m an adult and I like presents 🤷🏻‍♀️. I don’t get this MN thing of not wanting/needing birthday presents after the age of 18. Fair enough if you’re not bothered, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for other people to care about them. All of my spare cash goes on the needs of my disabled child, so birthdays are the only time I ever get things solely for me. And I don’t ‘expect’ anyone to organise anything for my birthday, but it’s nice if they do.
Hope you have a lovely day OP, hopefully you can treat yourself to some nice things.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 09/02/2023 09:32

Oh that sucks, I'm so sorry! Happy 30th birthday 🎈🎂🎉

Ofcourseshecan · 09/02/2023 09:37

Happy birthday, OP. Have a lovely fun day out with DC, give yourself a treat, and I hope you find something memorable (in a good way!) that you can enjoy with DC.

Also, could you message a few friends and invite them to meet up this evening? Or at the weekend for a celebration. Don’t be ashamed to tell them it’s your birthday and you want to celebrate with them!

mybunniesandme · 09/02/2023 09:39

Happy 30th!!! 🎂🎂🎂

Take your kids out and do something special - how old are they? Maybe book an afternoon tea somewhere indulgent like a nice hotel (if they are old enough)

I'm 40 shortly - also recently separated - I'm not expecting anything on my birthday so trying to plan something nice just me and the kids instead x

FartSock5000 · 09/02/2023 09:50

Happy 30th Birthday!

Your feelings are valid and it is shit your own family haven't bothered. Take this as a sign that you should also not bother with their birthdays anymore.

Defo don't buy the ex father's day or birthday cards from the kids.

We don't give to get but basic consideration isn't hard and I too would be upset if no one who was supposed to care about me bothered on a milestone birthday.

Hope you manage a nice day out and get yourself lots of treats!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/02/2023 10:01

Happy birthday OP! It is rubbish that your family and friends haven't acknowledged the day, and your ex should have had the decency to send something on behalf of your children. I can't believe your mother hasn't sent anything, and I wonder if it will arrive today (flowers or something).

What I have found is that as we get older, birthdays are what we make them. If we do nothing and leave it up to others, not much will happen. I now force myself to think in advance about what I want to do, make some plans, and basically remind people to celebrate my birth Grin. It works better than ignoring my upcoming birthday and then feeling flat on the day.

euff · 09/02/2023 10:13

Happy Birthday OP CakeFlowers

Hopefully it's still just early, enjoy your shopping trip out with kids.

Sweetener12 · 09/02/2023 12:26

Happy birthday, OP! 🥳 First thing first, you don't sound spoilt at all! 8am is probably too early for gifts and surprises, and your family may very well have something planned for the evening, I hope this is the case here! However, if not, I hope you're having a great day and doing something special and treating yourself. Even a simple Smartshow 3d birthday video made on your own makes you feel better, imagine what a day of going out for some tasty meal or fancy dessert would do 👑

perfectcolourfound · 09/02/2023 12:26

Happy birthday @SK93 I had a very similar experience on a landmark birthday, many years ago. A combination of factors came in to play that meant that, on that day, I didn't see or speak to anyone other than my DH and DC, and they were either too ill or too young to mark the day. Other people (lovely people who had previously made a bit of a fuss) had other things happening, or assumed I would be busy anyway, and didn't mark the occasion. It really stung.

It was a one-off, and I soon got over it. But I still remember the feeling.

Has your mum explained why she hasn't marked your birthday? The cousin who the party was for - was it a case of their DH / parent organised it and everyone was happy to turn up? ie they would have done the same if your mum / a partner had arranged something?

Don't feel bad for being sad about it. Totally understandable. Enjoy your day with your DC's. Have a chat with those closest to you so you can understand why they haven't sent you a card etc. It may be there's a misunderstanding / some reason for it that would help you understand.

Neverhand · 09/02/2023 12:47

Happy birthday to you xxx

NHSmummy84 · 09/02/2023 12:52

Happy birthday.
It was the same for me this year. I go to a lot of effort to get my family nice presents, I remember things they've mentioned they like etc.
I won't be bothering again. I bought myself a present instead. 😂.
I hope your day picks up. Try not to let it get to you. Could you spoil yourself a bit?

Original poster
SK93 · 09/02/2023 13:56

Thankyou for all your kind words and messages.

I know sometimes you just have to do things for yourself but I just don't think that's how birthdays should be. It's also been hard to do anything I want to do today or even treat myself because my 10 month old has done nothing but scream and cry all day. So I'm just to stressed to do anything, I tried to go out and get myself something nice but resulted on feeling even more crap about the day and going home empty handed with 2 miserable kids in tow.

Also all of my friends live far away so no chance of asking someone to come round for a drink or anything. That's what happens when your married to someone in the military (not for much longer hopefully)

Guess I'll just give up on today and move on. Maybe next year I'll plan something in advance.

OP posts:
boysmum23 · 09/02/2023 17:59

Happy birthday! i hope your days gotten alittle better since posting this