Looking for some dating advice!

[WitheringTights000]

Hi all,

Looking for some dating advice.

I'm going on a date at the end of feb through a professional dating agency!

I am 30 years old! I have decided not to have children as I have health problems I would not want to pass on etc

I therefore told the dating agency that I would like to meet someone who already has kids. As I have heard (especially a lot on here) of men saying they don't want them then changing their minds and fucking off with someone and having kids. I would rather save myself the heartbreak.

Anyway, the dating agency said that's fine no problem! Matched me with a 39 y/o with a 3 year old and 6 year old!

I think I had kind of hoped for someone with kids older/university age where the kids aren't around as much!

3 &6 are very young! Has anyone any experience of dating someone with such young children? Would you advise to avoid it? Is it not worth it?

Truthfully, I don't have an interest in bringing up someone else's children/taking part in bringing up someone's children! I have heard it's a thankless task!

I know it's only a date etc but I would have to travel a good bit so sort of thinking now, is there any point?

He is separated so must of been married, I think I've also read women saying to be very Cautious of a man who would leave a relationship/such young children....so again is this something to be wary of?

Advice would be much appreciated! I was out of the dating game a very very long time (most of my 20's lol) so last time I was dating it was carefree snogs with other 21 year olds...now it all seems very mature...an almost 40 year old with two kids! I've missed the fun part in the middle!

🙃

Personally I'd focus less on prescribing the personal circumstances of a possible mate and more on their qualities and life goals.
You want someone who doesn't want kids/more kids
Someone who is loyal and values loyalty
Similar interests in life/activity levels (sport, politics, culture, whatever)
Those should be leading your choices really because they're the ones that will create a lasting bond.
Deciding in advance what personal situation such a guy will be in and asking for that seems like an unlikely route to success just because for every story of this or that which turned out that way or this, there's an equal and opposite story to contradict. I don't think you can skew the roll of the dice that way because there are so many reasons why people end up in the place that they are and you can't second guess them in advance.

Go on your date for the experience and then keep an open mind for future guys who might be just what you need/want but unexpected in ways you can't predict right now.
No one can insure against heartbreak in the way you are trying to do sadly.

Just take a second to think how many men you know of, that for a fact have left a woman because she didn’t want children, and didn’t have someone else lined up. I’ve heard of many more men who said they wanted children and then scarpered once reality hit for someone who was child free. I think some men also push for kids simply because they want their wife at home doing the domestic work, and the very worst men do it to trap a woman. It’s always a gamble, either way around.

I wonder if some therapy might help in how you view yourself? It’s so sad to hear you don’t think you have value. As I mentioned, I’ve never wanted them, and it’s never even crossed my mind to feel that way, in fact secretly I’ve in the past thought it made me MORE appealing if anything! 😄 Therapy might help you build confidence in your decision as well as come to peace with it, but please don’t believe it’s inevitable that a man will always want children, I promise you it’s not. x