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Original poster

Partner + weed + child - PLEASE HELP

79 replies

sopher · 07/02/2023 22:41

I need to vent/ask for advice/make sure I'm not over reacting.

I've been with my partner for 3 years, he moved in with my daughter (6) and I in September. When we started talking I knew he smoked weed. I wasn't crazy about the idea but it wasn't often and I don't actually think weed is necessarily bad. HOWEVER when we were discussing him moving in, I made it explicitly clear that he can under no circumstances keep weed in the house or in his car outside of his house because of my daughter and my job (I won't post my job title as I don't want to be identified but it's a serious job). He lived with his parents prior to moving in so I said he'd have to keep it there. He was fine with this.

I came home from work tonight to him high as a kite. I've asked him if he'd been to his parents to smoke it.... no, he says he's had it in his car for a couple of weeks. HE TOOK MY DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL LAST WEEK. I am absolutely livid. I've told him that he's overstepped a boundary in a massive way and needs to GTFO out my house basically.

He's currently sulking and saying I'm over reacting/it shouldn't even be illegal/I need to calm down. I feel like he's taken a huge risk by being in possession of weed in a house I own with my six year old daughter. Is he serious?!?!

We've had reoccurring arguments over the last few months as he's exposed himself as a bit of a QAnon buff, so our views do not align. He's quite intolerant and comes off as a bit of a narcissist - obviously I can't diagnose but he shows traits like never thinking he's wrong and thinking he's above the law.

I am FUMING and getting more angry by the second at the thought of him lying about this for 2 weeks and taking my daughter to school.

Am I over reacting by telling him he needs to move out? Any advice would be appreciated xx

OP posts:
Original poster
sopher · 07/02/2023 22:42

sopher · 07/02/2023 22:41

I need to vent/ask for advice/make sure I'm not over reacting.

I've been with my partner for 3 years, he moved in with my daughter (6) and I in September. When we started talking I knew he smoked weed. I wasn't crazy about the idea but it wasn't often and I don't actually think weed is necessarily bad. HOWEVER when we were discussing him moving in, I made it explicitly clear that he can under no circumstances keep weed in the house or in his car outside of his house because of my daughter and my job (I won't post my job title as I don't want to be identified but it's a serious job). He lived with his parents prior to moving in so I said he'd have to keep it there. He was fine with this.

I came home from work tonight to him high as a kite. I've asked him if he'd been to his parents to smoke it.... no, he says he's had it in his car for a couple of weeks. HE TOOK MY DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL LAST WEEK. I am absolutely livid. I've told him that he's overstepped a boundary in a massive way and needs to GTFO out my house basically.

He's currently sulking and saying I'm over reacting/it shouldn't even be illegal/I need to calm down. I feel like he's taken a huge risk by being in possession of weed in a house I own with my six year old daughter. Is he serious?!?!

We've had reoccurring arguments over the last few months as he's exposed himself as a bit of a QAnon buff, so our views do not align. He's quite intolerant and comes off as a bit of a narcissist - obviously I can't diagnose but he shows traits like never thinking he's wrong and thinking he's above the law.

I am FUMING and getting more angry by the second at the thought of him lying about this for 2 weeks and taking my daughter to school.

Am I over reacting by telling him he needs to move out? Any advice would be appreciated xx

Just an edit the first part meant to say can't keep weed in his car outside of MY house

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 07/02/2023 22:44

Get rid of him asap

Fairislefandango · 07/02/2023 22:46

The views alone would be enough to make me instantly dump him. The weed - definitely.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/02/2023 22:46

You know you’re not overreacting. Get him the fuck out of your house tonight. Bags packed on the door step and change the locks. He’s pathetic and your daughter deserves better even if you have doubts about whether or not you do.

KnittingOnEmpty · 07/02/2023 22:47

Trust your gut and send him home to mummy and his internet. Seems he hasn't grown up yet. The QAnon crap is much worse than the weed IMO. ..I wouldn't want my child to be listening to all that rubbish

Findyourneutralspace · 07/02/2023 22:47

You aren’t over reacting. You set your stall out. Whatever your views on weed are, you said it’s not acceptable to you in your home and he’s done it anyway.
Trust your gut here.

Fairislefandango · 07/02/2023 22:48

I mean, seriously... druggie, intolerant, narcissistic Q Anon buff?! What on earth is making you hesitate, OP?

Original poster
sopher · 07/02/2023 22:50

Fairislefandango · 07/02/2023 22:48

I mean, seriously... druggie, intolerant, narcissistic Q Anon buff?! What on earth is making you hesitate, OP?

There are redeeming qualities to him, however I will be the first to admit that my low self esteem has seen me stay with people longer than I should have. It's given me a wake up call because it directly affects my daughter x

OP posts:
UnaVaca · 07/02/2023 22:52

You’re not over reacting. You need to raise your standards.

escapingthecity · 07/02/2023 22:53

Bin him

JoanCandy · 07/02/2023 22:58

Get him out of your little girl’s life right now. End of.

TangledWebOfDeception · 07/02/2023 22:58

I think you were a fool to think it was ever going to go any other way, tbh! Not saying that to put the boot in but because there really can’t be another time. If you have low self esteem and a tendency to let things go with men, then I don’t think you should be moving anyone into your home with your daughter anytime soon!

That said, well done for telling him to GTFO. Make it permanent. Do not waver in that resolve - he’s not the man for you.

Look after yourself and focus on your daughter.

randomuser2019 · 07/02/2023 22:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

2013isback · 07/02/2023 23:02

You set out the conditions for him to move in to your house with you and your daughter. He agreed. He violated them, so off he goes. I don't even know why you're hesitating or have any guilt; he clearly has a cushy place to land.

You don't have to break up with him (although I would - how can you trust him?)

He's currently sulking and saying I'm over reacting/it shouldn't even be illegal/I need to calm down. The conditions you set for him to move in could be absolutely ridiculous (they're not). It's still your right to set them. The time for him to negotiate was before he moved in.

Nimblesandbimbles · 07/02/2023 23:03

Honestly he sounds awful OP, I would get rid.

dotdotdotdash · 07/02/2023 23:07

Finish it. You can do so much better!

Calmdown14 · 07/02/2023 23:17

The weed is irrelevant.

He doesn't respect your boundaries and your world views are incompatible.

It doesn't matter if you are overreacting or not. You made clear what you expected and why and he trampled all over it.

It's the end of the relationship regardless

Snugglemonkey · 07/02/2023 23:42

I would not be bothered by the weed, if it was in moderation and outside,000 all but you are and you clearly set out your stall. He is disrespecting you in a major way.

The qAnon stuff, no, I couldn't have that at all. I just don't respect that kind of thinking and would not respect him.

Untitledsquatboulder · 08/02/2023 08:00

Partner+weed+child=Leave the bastard

EmptyPlaces · 08/02/2023 08:10

You knowingly moved a drug addict in with your child, left him in sole charge of her and are surprised that he’s… Acting like a drug addict?

I despair.

Merlott · 08/02/2023 08:18

Get rid immediately.

Then get yourself into counselling asap to understand why the hell you moved him in and how to prevent your next relationship being this awful.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 08:32

Was your daughter due home when he was high?

Original poster
sopher · 08/02/2023 08:34

EmptyPlaces · 08/02/2023 08:10

You knowingly moved a drug addict in with your child, left him in sole charge of her and are surprised that he’s… Acting like a drug addict?

I despair.

He smoked weed one or two nights a week before he moved in. Im not sure that's an addict?

OP posts:
Original poster
sopher · 08/02/2023 08:36

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 08:32

Was your daughter due home when he was high?

No, she was at her dads for the night. He's never been under the influence anywhere near her or in my house until last night. I'm confused about why this has started now

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/02/2023 08:42

"When we started talking I knew he smoked weed. I wasn't crazy about the idea but it wasn't often and I don't actually think weed is necessarily bad."

This type of thinking links in with your own low self esteem; you were making excuses. He told you as well he only smoked one or two nights a week before moving in with you and your child - a likely story.

Would suggest you not date further, let alone move a man in, until you have sorted out your issues pertaining to low self worth through therapy.