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Original poster

He wants to rejoin church

84 replies

Ringrings · 06/02/2023 17:34

My boyfriend wants to rejoin the Jehovahs Witnesses after 23 years. He came with to me spiritualist church a few times but as soon as his mother found out he refused to come saying it was giving him bad luck. Now, I never told him to come to spiritualist church he wanted to come himself. There was no harm in the church just songs, philosophy and messages. His daughter's mother has rejoined and he spoke to her about it which I believe has been an influence.

He said last night he prayed to Jehovah and believes the Jehovah church is the way forward. Coincidentally this has all come about after his mother criticised the spiritualist church because she does not believe in or respect other faiths as she says they are bad spirits, it is like he is scared to stand up to her.

What he don't get is his bad luck is caused by his poor decision making and actions in life. I don't go to church much and if I do I don't expect all my problems to solve without putting in any effort just because I go to church. It's like he expect Jehovah to magically disappear his problems.

I just feel they are judging my faith when I have not said anything about his faith. His faith says that time is coming to an end and when he explained things it seemed a bit negative, I really hope if he goes it is more positive than that.

He only left Jehovah Witness because he wanted to smoke and drink which they don't believe in. He also had one night stands when he was single which they disagree with. It's like he thinks leaving gives him a free pass to indulge when once it is out of his system he rejoins.

I'm worried he will want to go every Sunday so he commits every Sunday to it which we can't go away for weekends then whereas I didnt go to church for 2 months to spend time with him and it was Christmas.

I know he spent most of his childhood after school preparing for talks at the church and reading JW books. Just hope he doesn't get stuck back to that as he missed having childhood and admitted that.

Anyone here in a relationship or marriage where you both have different faiths? If so, how do you manage differences?

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 06/02/2023 17:50

I've only ever known one couple where one half was Jehovah and she was catholic.
Tbh he just wouldn't see any other side of anything other then his own.
She was warm, open to attending with
Him, never put any pressure on him to go to Catholic Church and he just refused to try.
Not what you want to hear but I find them a very strange religion tbh.

Coyoacan · 06/02/2023 17:56

It actually sounds like you don't like him or think much of him, OP

UsingChangeofName · 06/02/2023 19:28

I have always been a Church goer, and dh isn't.
Neither of us have a problem with it.
He was more than happy for me to take the dc when they were younger and then they chose to continue going as teens.
He would come if they were leading the service, in the way that most parents would go to support their dc in a play or concert, but apart from that he doesn't come.
If we wanted to go somewhere else on a Sunday, then I miss Church that week - it's no big deal.
I know quite a lot of families like this.
So I think you need to work out why you are worried about him going. It doesn't need to be an issue.

HazelBite · 06/02/2023 19:34

Am I right in thinking that JW's don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas? How would that affect your life. From what I've heard the church prefers "partners" to be JW's ?

Viviennemary · 06/02/2023 19:37

Big mistake IMHO. These people tear families apart. Its a cult. Nothing like one person in a partnership going to church and the other not going. Their whole lives are controlled.

LynneBenfield · 06/02/2023 19:38

I’m confused as to why there is no harm in your faith’s “songs, philosophy and messages” but his faith is different?

Pinkbonbon · 06/02/2023 19:45

Most faith groups would consider spiritualist 'church' to be...bad juju. I'm not surprised if your husband belives in God in any way, he is uncomfortable with it. If you'd had a religious background you'd actually probably feel the same as his mother did about these places. Even though I'm sure many of the people who go are lovely. Just...be careful.

That being said, your husbands religious group is ... more akin to a cult. People don't leave cults easily. And if he doesnt rejoin, his daughter will have to drop all contact with him now she is back in it.

You are no longer suited. It's time to walk away op.

Wonnle · 06/02/2023 20:06

It's been drummed into since he was a kid by a brain washing cult .
They are right , everyone else is wrong , end of story

Coyoacan · 06/02/2023 21:53

You should listen to Deborah Frances-White if you get a chance. She was a JW and found it very cult-like

Original poster
Ringrings · 06/02/2023 22:14

HazelBite · 06/02/2023 19:34

Am I right in thinking that JW's don't celebrate birthdays or Christmas? How would that affect your life. From what I've heard the church prefers "partners" to be JW's ?

His daughter has grown up not religious and has refused to become a JW now as Christmas means too much to her. She said she won't allow her mother to pressure to join.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ringrings · 06/02/2023 22:19

Wonnle · 06/02/2023 20:06

It's been drummed into since he was a kid by a brain washing cult .
They are right , everyone else is wrong , end of story

I have heard this from so many people. I'm concerned he will no longer want to celebrate Christmas and birthdays.

He never forgot about Jehovahs Witness because he bought me a quotations card so there was no birthday card and a Yuletide Greetings card so no Merry Christmas card. I feel silly for sending him a card with Merry Christmas. Yet he did buy me birthday and Christmas cards.

OP posts:
AnorLondo · 06/02/2023 22:44

Ringrings · 06/02/2023 22:14

His daughter has grown up not religious and has refused to become a JW now as Christmas means too much to her. She said she won't allow her mother to pressure to join.

Show quote history

If he rejoins they may encourage him to shun her.

Godlovesall26 · 06/02/2023 22:48

There’s a reason they mostly marry amongst each other.
Theyre a bit intense

One of my very long time friends is a JW, she’s very happy, her husband is also, but she isn’t one of the intense ones, she’s never tried to push it on me or anything. I’m Protestant. We actually have lovely conversations about shared values in religions.

Id be wary of yours, they sound like the very intense type.

Godlovesall26 · 07/02/2023 00:00

Ringrings · 06/02/2023 17:34

My boyfriend wants to rejoin the Jehovahs Witnesses after 23 years. He came with to me spiritualist church a few times but as soon as his mother found out he refused to come saying it was giving him bad luck. Now, I never told him to come to spiritualist church he wanted to come himself. There was no harm in the church just songs, philosophy and messages. His daughter's mother has rejoined and he spoke to her about it which I believe has been an influence.

He said last night he prayed to Jehovah and believes the Jehovah church is the way forward. Coincidentally this has all come about after his mother criticised the spiritualist church because she does not believe in or respect other faiths as she says they are bad spirits, it is like he is scared to stand up to her.

What he don't get is his bad luck is caused by his poor decision making and actions in life. I don't go to church much and if I do I don't expect all my problems to solve without putting in any effort just because I go to church. It's like he expect Jehovah to magically disappear his problems.

I just feel they are judging my faith when I have not said anything about his faith. His faith says that time is coming to an end and when he explained things it seemed a bit negative, I really hope if he goes it is more positive than that.

He only left Jehovah Witness because he wanted to smoke and drink which they don't believe in. He also had one night stands when he was single which they disagree with. It's like he thinks leaving gives him a free pass to indulge when once it is out of his system he rejoins.

I'm worried he will want to go every Sunday so he commits every Sunday to it which we can't go away for weekends then whereas I didnt go to church for 2 months to spend time with him and it was Christmas.

I know he spent most of his childhood after school preparing for talks at the church and reading JW books. Just hope he doesn't get stuck back to that as he missed having childhood and admitted that.

Anyone here in a relationship or marriage where you both have different faiths? If so, how do you manage differences?

My best friend has a glass of champagne and special occasions.
im quite sure several members of her group smoke.

Theyre not all the same.

And she didn’t miss out of childhood, she was same as everyone if you didn’t actually become a close friend she wasn’t shouting it out loud.

I know they have a bad rep, but there really are many levels of intensity.
Yours sounds very intense : my best friend always says these people always harassing people at their doors and demonizing others are the ones who give us an awful rep

ShippingNews · 07/02/2023 00:09

JW beliefs are too different from other faiths. . My DH was previously married to a JW woman and it just didn't work. Her elders pressured her to convert him, it was very difficult. It's not just the birthday / Christmas thing, it's their whole belief system. Don't stick around if you want a nice normal relationship.

Godlovesall26 · 07/02/2023 00:11

Godlovesall26 · 07/02/2023 00:00

My best friend has a glass of champagne and special occasions.
im quite sure several members of her group smoke.

Theyre not all the same.

And she didn’t miss out of childhood, she was same as everyone if you didn’t actually become a close friend she wasn’t shouting it out loud.

I know they have a bad rep, but there really are many levels of intensity.
Yours sounds very intense : my best friend always says these people always harassing people at their doors and demonizing others are the ones who give us an awful rep

Show quote history

Her and her husband teach bible classes in a city where there’s really a lot of them, it’s like night school, for other JW or anyone else interested in the evenings.
She’d never try to recruit. She makes online videos (architect type) about her faith in many languages, but honestly I’ve listened to them and they’re sweet (nothing about the world about to end, they don’t all take it in such a literal way). It mentions at the end contact information if you want to know - which is different than knocking at people’s doors

Im personally thrilled that people like them are teaching. And we met in high school and her parents were always lovely to us two other best friends (me Protestant, other girl atheist, and we weren’t asked a single time to experiment one of their meetings).

A lot of people in her group had the same spirit, much more focused on values.
And there were absolutely tons of them in my secondary school city, even more where she moved now.

Quitting for drink and smoking and casual sex, then wanting to go back, I admit seems a bit strange. They’re very ‘you believe or not’

Id be very wary of your group, they sound nothing like my friend’s

Godlovesall26 · 07/02/2023 00:13

ShippingNews · 07/02/2023 00:09

JW beliefs are too different from other faiths. . My DH was previously married to a JW woman and it just didn't work. Her elders pressured her to convert him, it was very difficult. It's not just the birthday / Christmas thing, it's their whole belief system. Don't stick around if you want a nice normal relationship.

They do yes, which is why they tend to marry together (which is true for a lot of faiths though)

But they’re not all as extreme. They can be lovely people. But yes, it can be hard for a partnership

Brrrrrrrrrrrr · 07/02/2023 00:48

If he rejoins then you need to think very long and hard about your relationship because ‘the Truth’ will soon become a very divisive sticking point. I can not fathom why after all these years he would actually choose to go back- I suspect it’s very different to how he left it all those years ago…

diamondpony80 · 07/02/2023 00:55

I have some close family members who converted to JW and there is no way I could make a relationship work with one. I don’t agree with their rules and it would negatively impact my life to be with someone who follows those rules. I don’t see how a JW could be with someone who goes to a spiritualist church either though. They are two VERY different religions that will only lead you away from each other in the long run.

Reclaimtheoutdoors · 07/02/2023 01:13

Pinkbonbon · 06/02/2023 19:45

Most faith groups would consider spiritualist 'church' to be...bad juju. I'm not surprised if your husband belives in God in any way, he is uncomfortable with it. If you'd had a religious background you'd actually probably feel the same as his mother did about these places. Even though I'm sure many of the people who go are lovely. Just...be careful.

That being said, your husbands religious group is ... more akin to a cult. People don't leave cults easily. And if he doesnt rejoin, his daughter will have to drop all contact with him now she is back in it.

You are no longer suited. It's time to walk away op.

Yeah I’d be uncomfortable in in a “spiritualist” worship place. But I’m wary of JW cult-like tendencies.

cabbageking · 07/02/2023 01:38

There is good and bad in all religions. There are JWs with non JWs who get along fine. Like any relationships there are discussions to be had. You don't shun non believers or those who decided to leave. It is up to you two to decide where this relationship is going the same as any other mixed religion. This means talking and sharing your worries and concerns. Jws can drink but not smoke and some never get baptised because they can't give up smoking but they continue to attend. You give presents because you wish to from love and not because you feel obliged to at Christmas. Talk to him about your concerns rather than worrying.
you don't need to attend any meeting or commit to a bible study if you don't wish to. You will find some middle ground if you are both reasonable people.

Original poster
Ringrings · 07/02/2023 10:53

I think I might need to walk away. It will break my heart but I will never be able to celebrate my birthday or Christmas with him. I would feel restricted on what we could do. I will end up having a sad life. I have been absolutely duped.

OP posts:
Roseyposeypudding · 07/02/2023 11:13

The thing is, he’s allowed to go change his mind. Loads of people so wander away from their religion in their youth and return later on. It’s also okay for him to listen to his mother and be influenced by her opinion.

If you can’t accept his religion then maybe you can’t be together? It sounds like he’s not wanting to take part in yours either.

As for whether he should - I personally wouldn’t ever attend a place of worship other than my own and wouldn’t be open minded to other religions in the sense of being willing to participate or even change my beliefs. I respect other religions and peoples rights to their own beliefs, but I wouldn’t want to participate in any way because of my own religion. Can’t he just do his thing and you do yours? You will need to consider if this will be possible in the long term for example. In terms of marriage, children and so on (if they’re on the cards).

Roseyposeypudding · 07/02/2023 11:15

Viviennemary · 06/02/2023 19:37

Big mistake IMHO. These people tear families apart. Its a cult. Nothing like one person in a partnership going to church and the other not going. Their whole lives are controlled.

It’s not a cult. As for tearing families apart, my best friends mother is a Jehovah’s Witness, husband Catholic, the kids consider themselves Christian but don’t really participate in any of it - no church and so on. Everyone’s fine with it. Just because some people are bad doesn’t mean everyone is - as with all religions.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/02/2023 11:17

I’d be running very quickly in the opposite direction. The JW are a dangerous cult that preys on lonely, vulnerable people.

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