He wants to rejoin church

[Ringrings]

My boyfriend wants to rejoin the Jehovahs Witnesses after 23 years. He came with to me spiritualist church a few times but as soon as his mother found out he refused to come saying it was giving him bad luck. Now, I never told him to come to spiritualist church he wanted to come himself. There was no harm in the church just songs, philosophy and messages. His daughter's mother has rejoined and he spoke to her about it which I believe has been an influence.

He said last night he prayed to Jehovah and believes the Jehovah church is the way forward. Coincidentally this has all come about after his mother criticised the spiritualist church because she does not believe in or respect other faiths as she says they are bad spirits, it is like he is scared to stand up to her.

What he don't get is his bad luck is caused by his poor decision making and actions in life. I don't go to church much and if I do I don't expect all my problems to solve without putting in any effort just because I go to church. It's like he expect Jehovah to magically disappear his problems.

I just feel they are judging my faith when I have not said anything about his faith. His faith says that time is coming to an end and when he explained things it seemed a bit negative, I really hope if he goes it is more positive than that.

He only left Jehovah Witness because he wanted to smoke and drink which they don't believe in. He also had one night stands when he was single which they disagree with. It's like he thinks leaving gives him a free pass to indulge when once it is out of his system he rejoins.

I'm worried he will want to go every Sunday so he commits every Sunday to it which we can't go away for weekends then whereas I didnt go to church for 2 months to spend time with him and it was Christmas.

I know he spent most of his childhood after school preparing for talks at the church and reading JW books. Just hope he doesn't get stuck back to that as he missed having childhood and admitted that.

Anyone here in a relationship or marriage where you both have different faiths? If so, how do you manage differences?

To be honest both he's and spiritualist churches are orgs in wary of. My ex mil goes to a spiritualist church and they are definitely con artists preying on the bereaved and vulnerable, requiring increasing donations etc. she's fully sucked in and I have done my best as "the religious one" to persuade her they aren't who they claim to be, despite no longer being part of the family.

Can't you both find a church suited to you both?

I agree, that's why I stopped going as lots of the people were low or bitchy. The mediums were guessing and changing their answers.

It’s not a cult. As for tearing families apart, my best friends mother is a Jehovah’s Witness, husband Catholic, the kids consider themselves Christian but don’t really participate in any of it - no church and so on. Everyone’s fine with it. Just because some people are bad doesn’t mean everyone is - as with all religions.

It is a cult. I can tell you now that your best friend's mother won't be properly accepted by the rest of her 'congregation', especially as her husband is Catholic (the JW's have a real grudge against catholics). They certainly won't be 'fine' with it. They put pressure on for the whole family to become JW's and there are rules in place as to how much contact she's supposed to have with them. A family member of mine is a Witness. She never managed to convert her husband, but took her kids to Kingdom Hall. Both kids gave it up in the end but only one was baptised so that one was disfellowshipped and their mum hasn't spoken to them since. They've never stopped trying to convert her husband either.

@Roseyposeypudding any religion that participates in things like disfellowshipping or excommunication to the point where members of the church are expected to shun their own families is evil. It's ironic that the JW have a thing against the RC church given that they both do this.

People wander away from the JW or decide it is no longer for them. They are not disfellowed or shunned.
Disfellowship is for serious breaches where a person continues to do whatever and refuses or ignores any help and being in the congregation poses a threat to others. Adultery, sex offences, deliberately and consistently and knowingly pursuing practises that are in opposition to the bible views. This is after help advice and a hearing to explain your action and is the last option to keep others away from a risk. We all stumble but disfellowship is the last option and is never taken lightly for baptised JW only. Those who have taken on the promise and understanding to serve Jehovah. It is not for everyone I agree but people do wander in and out over many years looking for something and they are not shunned or disfellowed. It is hoped they come to baptism but if you are not sure it is for you then the oath of baptism should not be taken. This is explained as baptism is personal to each person who must decide if they are ready or not. Some are never ready and that is fine. JW pay their taxes the same as other faiths and is not considered a cult. 8.5 million baptised and 1 million studying.
But it must be a choice and not for everyone.

A relative married a JW and all their savings have gone on ‘bloodless’ surgeries for various minor conditions as they won’t have normal operations (because of transfusions). Lots of other issues too as in many mixed faith marriages but this is one fairly unique to JW.

Disfellowship is for serious breaches where a person continues to do whatever and refuses or ignores any help and being in the congregation poses a threat to others

The person I knew was disfellowshipped because her husband had an affair and she wanted a divorce. Not sure how that was putting anyone else under threat. Unsurprisingly, he was welcomed back into the fold with open arms.

Be wary of continuing the relationship, put a lot of thought in to the future regarding celebrations, children etc.
A good friend of mine grew up Catholic, received sacraments, served Mass etc met his wife while travelling, she and her entire family are JW, he converted before they married (she couldn't marry him if he wasn't JW), my friend settled in his wife's country and made a life there, he shunned his family back home and had very little contact, when his father died he flew back but his family weren't allowed to meet him at the airport,he was collected by some JW leaders and taken straight to their meeting house (I'm sure it has a name but I can't remember it), he wouldn't visit or stay with his mother in her house and the funeral was even delayed because he refused to set foot in the Catholic Church, his family tried to talk him around but couldn't, the compromise was that he walked with the family from the Church to the graveyard but entered neither. Needless to say this broke his mother's heart and caused immense resentment between him and his siblings, the strangest part of all was that his own wife was far more accepting of his Catholic family and encouraged him to visit and grieve with them, to go to the funeral etc but to no avail. That is years ago and there is practically zero contact between him and his original family now, he has numerous nieces and nephews that he has never met. He no longer visits the UK even to see his elderly mother.

Adultery, sex offences, deliberately and consistently and knowingly pursuing practises that are in opposition to the bible views.

…Having a blood transfusion, joining another religion, being gay, going to a different church, voting, getting involved in politics, celebrating Christmas, talking to someone who has been disfellowshipped...

Any organisation that requires it's members to completely shun friends and family who have broken it's rules sounds like a cult to me.

Have a read of exjw on reddit

Ask him to go on jwfacts.com. he needs to do some research on the cult that hasn't been dictated by the Watchtower org. Remind him that any religion or organisation that tells you not to look up anything not authorised by them, is a cult.
I'm an ex JW.

How about exploring other churches together? You could go to a CofE, or a non denominational one.

That may open up the conversation and make things clearer for you both.

I'd ask him to consider it, because his church is unsupportive of your relationship, and out of respect for his daughter.

You can divorce for adultery so there is no reason to disfellow for that. There are divorced Jws

You can get disfellowshipped for voting. That's enough to tell me it's a cult.

Start going away for weekends on your own. You will probably have a much better time.

Run for the hills is my advice

He needn't miss holidays, he could go to a local church where you're holidaying, at least in the UK. I'm Catholic so church every Sunday is compulsory unless you're ill or there's some other genuine reason why you can't go.

But as I understand it, in the (cult or cult like) JW group, church on a Sunday is not compulsory so he can skip it whenever he wants for a holiday etc.

If I were to be a partner to a JW, I would definitely insist that any future children are allowed to celebrate birthdays and Christmas, and if child free that maybe something nice, a meal out etc, was done for/around the time of my birthday IDK.

This isn’t good news. The JWs are a high control religion. You’re asking the wrong question. This is not going to be about navigating a mixed-faith marriage, it will be about managing a relationship with someone who is in a cult and has every part of their life controlled. Please do some research on this so that you can prepare yourself properly.

I'm a Christian, which some people find odd in itself, but I would find both of your choices - his and yours - strange. That said he hasn't duped you. Peoples faith can shift over a lifetime, in all sorts of directions. He couldn't possibly promise you that he'd never go back to his faith. And if that is all your relationship had been based on, then your problems are bigger than him wanting to return to his church. Christmas and birthdays are just days, and mostly celebrating materialism and possessions. I don't agree with the JWs principles of faith, but what days they might celebrate are the least of my problems with their beliefs. TBF I think your relationship has weak foundations anyway and this is just another example of them.

Before you get baptised you will have studied and know and accepted the requirements. You do not vote or get involved in politics or celebrate Christmas or take blood. You know the standard and agree with the biblical standard before you decide to serve God. This is not hidden from anyone.
If you don't agree then do not get baptised.
If you leave you are not disfellowshipped
Being Gay does not lead to disfellowshipping, practising it does.
Being baptised is an oath before God. You can leave of your own choice and will not be disfellowedshipped

So if you disagree with the blood issue, being gay, drugs Christmas or voting etc just leave but do not lead a double life.
Leaving if you struggle with any area will not lead to any issues. It is your choice to serve or not. Expecting to serve but knowing you are stealing, dishonest or committing adultery etc is a problem.

The standard is clear and known beforehand. It is not for everyone.

This is what they lead u to believe. What they advertise. But in reality, it's lies. I should know along with 99% of all ex JWs around the world.

Being Gay does not lead to disfellowshipping, practising it does.

Well that makes it okay then.🙄

You are tying yourself in knots to defend the abhorrent practice of shunning family members for life. If someone was raised a Jehovah's witness and gets baptised as a child or teenager they probably don't have much of a choice. If they then discover that they are gay or bisexual, or need a blood transfusion, or decide they want to exercise their right to vote they will be cut off from their entire family. And you don't see anything wrong with that? And by the way, any group that threatens to cut people off from their family or friends for voting is totally a cult.

Jehovahs Witnesses
Mormonism
Church of Scientology

What do they have in common?:
-Religion based on lies
-Dishonesty in recruiting converts
-BITE model of control
-Punishment for not adhering to rules
-Difficult to leave if you do it properly
-Shunning to various extents if you leave
-Shaming, guilt-tripping, fear-mongering love bombing and whole host of other manipulative behaviours
-Coercive control
-Powerful, wealthy, dishonest, exploitative leaders; patriarchy
-Spouses of non-members heavily pressured into joining; punishments for or resources withheld for failing to get your spouse converted

I could go on

If you're born into a JW family you do not get a choice. You just get the consequences. I salute anyone who has managed to escape. One of my school friends did it - the pain her family caused her was appalling. Anyone who thinks that kind of thing is OK and wilfully signs up to it has a malfunctioning moral compass.

I appreciate you find it difficult to respect his beliefs but your main issue seems to be around not celebrating birthdays & Christmas together and having weekends away ....