Overbearing MIL

[Bella2255]

Help!!!! I have an overbearing mother in law..... whenever she visits she outstays her welcome and demands on spending the WHOLE day sat on my sofa, and never takes hints it's time to leave. Our takeaway for dinner arrived once at 9pm and she still sat there and just asked to have some.....! She also let herself into my house once when visiting and ran herself a bath while I was out.... I find this behaviour so odd!!!!

She would sleepover if she could but I put a stop to it when our baby arrived as it was too intense.... She as a person is very negative, judgemental and I fundamentally disagree with most things which come out her mouth, and I find her negativity draining. My husband says she is the ONLY family member he wants to maintain a relationship with and I have to get on board..... she wants to see our 8 MO every other weekend.... but I find this too much! What about my family, friends, time together as a family?? There aren't enough weekends as it is. She lives 1.5 hours away so visits are never a quick pop in..... and my husband says we can't expect her to drive all this way and "just stay a couple of hours". My husband has a very stressful job, works long hours and works usually on Saturdays too, so we hardly get any family time as it is.

I am returning to work soon and there is the possible option for her to come and look after our 8MO for a morning each week on a Friday, but the Friday afternoons I'm planning to be off work and have some much needed 1-1 time with me and my baby girl, and I worry I'll be having to make excuses to get her out the door every week! I don't want to seem like I'm dictating to her when she can and can't come over but I am starting to have serious anxiety every time I know she's coming.....☹️.

She is alone and really has no social life, so when she comes here she loves to extend the visit for as long as possible. Most of the time I'm upstairs in the bath getting ready for bed and she's still sat on the sofa - not making any attempt to leave ! It's really becoming an issue between me and my husband.

Any suggestions would be welcome 😢

I like that phrase.... I'll try that next time and see her reaction. My sister suggested saving "does she/he know you feel that way about them?" Which might also stop her in her tracks.... !

@Eyerollcentral so she's allowed to be rude, but I'm not ? I'm ignoring your comments tbh because you clearly have not had any experience in dealing with this type of behaviour or you'd be more understanding...or maybe your one of the annoying MIL's 🤔🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m not a MIL and believe me I have experience of MILs from hell. I just think everyone is responsible for their own behaviour. You’ve been unbelievably rude. I get you are annoyed but you must accept it’s rude to get a take away when someone else is there and proceed to eat it in front of them without offering them any until they ask you. Leave all else aside that’s manners 101. Just because you don’t like her it’s not a Carte Blanche to be as impolite as you can be to prove a point. How would feel if your husband did that to your mother when he thought she was overstepping the mark? Its v bad behaviour verging on bitchy.

@Eyerollcentral yah okay thanks for the input... I won't be responding to you anymore as your comments are unhelpful. As your name suggests you seem like a really non judgemental person so I'll be sure to take your comments on board 😉

So you won’t bother considering how you would feel if it was your mother? I will confess to judging your manners, which are very poor. If you post you can’t expect everyone to agree with you.

I am in the same position as you.
You are not being mean, you have just reached the end of your tether since you’re being made to feel uncomfortable in your own house (which is unacceptable!!) you do not need that negativity around you and your DP should understand this. To some extent I agree that your DP should be dealing with this but if this is an issue , take matters into your own hand by explaining to your MIL. This maybe easier said than done depending if you DP is a mummy’s boy, I’m lucky in the sense that my DP is not.

My pessimistic MIL lives 1.5 hr away and travels via public transport despite being able to drive, so she expects to stay over, being chauffeured around and like you, expects to be waited on. This was the case even 2- 3 weeks postpartum with our first child and when we explained that she couldn’t stay when the baby arrived , she threw in the waterworks.

LO still wakes up for feedings in the middle of the night and going through separation anxiety, so I’m getting up multiple times to attend to LOs needs and naturally I want minimal distraction so that LO can get back to sleep.
I should mention here that the MIL stays up until early hours of the morning watching TV in her own house, but she also thinks it’s ok to do that at my house, even after my LO was born. I find this is extremely selfish and inconsiderate.
Can I just add that she has never once offered to help with the baby when she has stayed over- not even one nappy change!

I also find the bath thing weird too, my MIL does this and I explained to my DP that I would never dream to soak in someone else’s bathtub if I was their guest … it’s just weird.

Anyhow, it has gotten to a stage where the MIL invites herself to stay using my LO as an excuse to come down more often as she lives alone and divorced. She is constantly badgering DP for his attention. She has never messaged myself to check on LO/ updates on milestones etc- again I find this weird because if she really wanted to know, she has my number and has previously messaged me in the past about other things.

Seeing as my DP didn’t want to deal with upsetting her by saying it’s not OK to invite herself down and assume it’s OK to stay with us. I have now nipped this in the bud by being honest with MIL that it is difficult having guests in the house with LO around, especially with the night wakings and that I am sure she can understand - after all, she’s gone through the motherhood too!
Now, before I said this to her I checked that my DP was ok with this since I didn’t need this to affect my marriage.

Sorry for the long post, but I completely understand what you are going / have been through. So now that your LO has arrived, you have to do what is best for you and your new family.

(BTW, my MIL has not replied to my message after reading it, but she has complained about me to my DP. Again, this is the least of my worries and atleast I am not being made to feel uncomfortable in my own house anymore).