I think cheating is a form of emotional abuse, particularly in a marriage with children. And something that I hope will be viewed more on those lines by both society, culturally and to a lesser extent the legal system.
I say that as I was cheated on whilst I was pregnant and with a young baby. It followed the same pattern as abuse, started in my pregnancy, and resulted in significant psychological harm.
Ex was sleeping with a number of women, high promiscuity, so whilst pregnant, unbeknown to me, as I was also sleeping with DH I was at high risk of a sexually transmitted disease, which is a huge risk to an unborn child.
As a mother to a newborn I was at my most vulnerable, and financially for the first time reliant on Ex, and he used that to increase his power through going out, wining and dining other women, hiding money from me, using his freedom to be entitled and therefore devaluing me as a mother. The result was that I felt completely unsupported, like I was going crazy, very alone, very low and demeaned. This has a direct impact on my ability to parent and I was I think at risk of post natal depression. Our child did suffer from having a frazzled, undermined mother, and a completely absent father. For the first years of our child’s life whenever he did have sole charge, I realised Ex was constantly texting other women.
I’ve looked into the research on cheating, and it’s interesting that the bullying, controlling or entitled male who is in a perfectly OK marriage, is the likely person to cheat. Not, as people may often think, usually because the marriage is in trouble on both sides. It’s misogyny.
So yes, I’d say its destructive power in a family unit, particularly for new mother’s in a marriage is really minimised.