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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Staying in an unhappy marriage

105 replies

Doingitforthedc · 01/02/2023 10:34

I’ve been with DH for over 15 years. We have two dc together. One nearly finished primary and the other in their first year at high school/secondary school.
There is not enough equity in our home if we split to purchase a replacement and given I’d need to get a 3 bedroom place as the dc of opposite sex can’t share a room there’s not a hope in hell that I’d be able to afford anywhere in the schools catchment area to live even renting.
DH sleeps in the spare room due to his snoring and bar a goodnight peck on the lips, cheek or forehead there’s been no intimacy in our marriage for months. And DTD in the last few years would probably barely hit double digits.
His current contract means he’s wfh most of the week yet has never made the effort for us to have lunch together at a cafe or even at home as he has his set routine(will watch YouTube and eat) . I was keen to go to our favourite restaurant for Valentine’s Day as I’ve not been in years due to the expense and he said to me that it’s only worth the money if I “put out”
He’s a gamer and has roped in the dc so the three of them spend hours locked away in the office gaming for hours at weekends. I’ve lost count the number of times day trips have been cancelled in preference to them gaming. I will be sat in the living room after he’s said he will join me to spend time together and it’s 11pm before he surfaces from his computer. There will occasionally be a series on tv or Netflix we can watch together and as soon as that’s over we are back to square one again. It’s such a lonely existence. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to continue to live like this until the youngest finishes his A-Levels.

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 25/08/2023 09:55

"it’s only worth the money if I “put out”

Well. What a charmer.

longpathtohappiness · 25/08/2023 11:06

I understand OP and in the same boat, no answers just to let you know that you are not alone

arethereanyleftatall · 25/08/2023 11:54

Doingitforthedc · 04/04/2023 19:25

I got a job! Started last week! It’s only a short term job to cover leave until the end of the summer school holidays but I’m delighted. Family run business and loving every second of it.

Fabulous op!! I hope you're enjoying it

Ownedbykitties · 06/01/2024 21:55

Oh good lord! See a solicitor and find out where you stand. Don't sit in the house alone meekly waiting for him to spare a few minutes of his very important gaming time to actually connect with his wife! Get some hobbies of your own outside of the home. There's loads out there. Dance. Choir. Fitness. Quizz groups. Table tennis. Bowls. Doesn't matter if you have never done any of them. Just start something and keep going. Get your mojo back. Get your confidence back. Then see what you want next.

YourInGoodCompany · 06/01/2024 22:11

By the time your children are older, you will have a different set of excuses as to why you can't leave.
I left with absolute nothing, l had to rebuild from scratch, no money, no support, no cushioning, or safety net.

Nothing but faith that it would work out, and it did. I did it all by myself, worked my absolute butt off and my children who are now adults respect me deeply for it.
You just have to make the leap, "jump and find your wings on the way down".

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