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Original poster

Why do people get offended?

106 replies

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 01:17

Why do people get offended because someone wouldn’t date them? I’m a single mum but would prefer to date a man without children ( I have my reasons for this) anyway it came up on another site and I commented saying this and along came the single dads getting offended by it! As a single mum I am fully aware loads of men won’t want to date me because of this and that’s ok, I wouldn’t get upset because a man didn’t want to date me! I get why it would put someone off.

I am happy to stay single as it’s something I don’t want to compromise on so I’m happy to stay alone if I can’t meet someone that doesn’t have children. No other situation would people be expected to only date people “the same” as them so why is having children different and you are only expected to date another parent? It’s as if people can’t have a preference as I’ve also seen people getting offended when someone says they would date a short man etc, why are people not allowed a preference without upsetting others 🤦🏻 Most mums would rather date another parent anyway so they are not exactly short on attention!

OP posts:
itswednesdayy · 01/02/2023 01:27

I think society still expects women to suck it up and not be choosy with a partner (whereas men can be as fussy as they like). I can definitely imagine some men I know that would refuse to date women with children, but might simultaneously call you a hypocrite for not dating single dads, (even though there’s likely to be a similar thought process involved)

ManAboutTown · 01/02/2023 01:27

I don't know why - you are expressing a personal preference as we are all entitled to do. At my age you wouldn't date a single Mum with a baby but would have no problem with someone with older kids.

But it's all personal choice

PousseyNotMoira · 01/02/2023 01:30

People are furious about it on MN all the time and I think it’s quite amusing.

I’ve seen women on here flamed for:

  • Not dating short men.
  • Not dating men who live with their parents.
  • Not dating vegans/vegetarians.
  • Not dating men who don’t read books.
  • Not dating men who order milk on dates (this was a VERY funny thread).
  • Not dating men who do y have degrees.
  • Not dating men with kids.

Probably more, but those immediately spring to mind.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 01:36

PousseyNotMoira · 01/02/2023 01:30

People are furious about it on MN all the time and I think it’s quite amusing.

I’ve seen women on here flamed for:

  • Not dating short men.
  • Not dating men who live with their parents.
  • Not dating vegans/vegetarians.
  • Not dating men who don’t read books.
  • Not dating men who order milk on dates (this was a VERY funny thread).
  • Not dating men who do y have degrees.
  • Not dating men with kids.

Probably more, but those immediately spring to mind.

Yep I’ve seen people have a go at women for not wanting to date a man that doesn’t drive! I can’t imagine being upset because someone didn’t want to date me (for whatever reason.)

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/02/2023 01:42

Entitlement. Which is quite scary if you take that to it's logical conclusion. If you can't be picky over who you have sex with, what can you be picky about?

PousseyNotMoira · 01/02/2023 01:43

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 01:36

Yep I’ve seen people have a go at women for not wanting to date a man that doesn’t drive! I can’t imagine being upset because someone didn’t want to date me (for whatever reason.)

Show quote history

Ah, yes! I forgot about that one! I saw it, too. 🤣

FrancescaContini · 01/02/2023 01:48

Because non single people secretly like to think that single parents are sad, desperate, lonely people who can’t afford to be choosy and that they should therefore be grateful for any old piece of grotty hasbeen who shows romantic interest in them.

Keep your standards very high. You’re worth it.

user1496262496 · 01/02/2023 01:53

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/02/2023 01:42

Entitlement. Which is quite scary if you take that to it's logical conclusion. If you can't be picky over who you have sex with, what can you be picky about?

Nailed it.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 01/02/2023 02:58

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/02/2023 01:42

Entitlement. Which is quite scary if you take that to it's logical conclusion. If you can't be picky over who you have sex with, what can you be picky about?

Yep, got it in one.

barmycatmum · 01/02/2023 03:29

Yep, entitlement, and manipulation, I think. Thinking they can “neg” someone into blurring her boundaries, and lowering her own standards she’s set for herself.

sometimes I think ANYthing one has declared will be argued against and negated, simply because of the power it gives them to veto things.

to hell with that. Let them be offended, good exercise for their blood pressure.

KendrickLamaze · 01/02/2023 04:40

You're kind of saying they aren't good enough for you and I would be offended if someone said that to me. However, I think a percentage of men (#notallmen) react to this badly as you have seen and they show you another reason why you wouldn't want to date them whereas others would just move on knowing you have full rights to pick who you want to date etc.

Some never seem to grow out of responding with "I was only asking out of pity because you're so ugly anyway".

AyeCarrumba · 01/02/2023 05:00

PousseyNotMoira · 01/02/2023 01:30

People are furious about it on MN all the time and I think it’s quite amusing.

I’ve seen women on here flamed for:

  • Not dating short men.
  • Not dating men who live with their parents.
  • Not dating vegans/vegetarians.
  • Not dating men who don’t read books.
  • Not dating men who order milk on dates (this was a VERY funny thread).
  • Not dating men who do y have degrees.
  • Not dating men with kids.

Probably more, but those immediately spring to mind.

(Still intact) "trans women" getting offended that lesbians won't date them is another example of this.

AyeCarrumba · 01/02/2023 05:02

KendrickLamaze · 01/02/2023 04:40

You're kind of saying they aren't good enough for you and I would be offended if someone said that to me. However, I think a percentage of men (#notallmen) react to this badly as you have seen and they show you another reason why you wouldn't want to date them whereas others would just move on knowing you have full rights to pick who you want to date etc.

Some never seem to grow out of responding with "I was only asking out of pity because you're so ugly anyway".

No, it's not someone saying "you're not good enough " for them. They just don't fancy you. Grow up ffs!

KendrickLamaze · 01/02/2023 05:05

@AyeCarrumba read the rest of what I said. I don't need to grow up. But thanks.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 01/02/2023 05:48

Some people still seem to be horrified that I don't want to date anyone at all. That as a single parent I must be lonely and desperate for some average bloke to move in. Well newsflash, I don't need to date someone to make other people feel better about their stale relationships.

DarkNurseries · 01/02/2023 06:01

OP, because in that kind of person’s head, you come with significant baggage that disadvantages you on the dating scene, and you’re saying you won’t countenance the same baggage in potential dates. For that kind of hard of thinking, it’s like being plain but saying you’ll only date supermodels, or earning £15 k but will only countenance dating those who earn £150 k.

GreyCarpet · 01/02/2023 06:25

Men don't like it when women say no to them.

MrsMikeDrop · 01/02/2023 06:29

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/02/2023 01:42

Entitlement. Which is quite scary if you take that to it's logical conclusion. If you can't be picky over who you have sex with, what can you be picky about?

Interesting point. Also, the potential father to yiur children, life long partner. I think women should be fussier.

Riu · 01/02/2023 06:36

People won’t date people for all sorts of reasons and that is fine. To take some very common examples, overweight men who won’t date overweight women. Older men who only date young women. The thing is when you say these things, you sound like a bit of a dick. That is why a lot of people keep their dating preferences to themselves.

littleburn · 01/02/2023 06:52

GreyCarpet · 01/02/2023 06:25

Men don't like it when women say no to them.

100% this. How very dare you OP!

Shoxfordian · 01/02/2023 06:53

Yep, men don’t like when women say no

I wouldn’t date anyone with kids just because I don’t want to be the wicked stepmother and I want to be his priority- nothing wrong with having boundaries

HateandLove · 01/02/2023 07:00

I don't know but snarky men are fun to watch.

Don't they get mardy 😆

SpringIntoChaos · 01/02/2023 07:15

You can have whatever preferences you like...but I don't think you can do the whole, 'I'm 'this' but if you are, then I'm not dating you!' Eg in your example OP, you are a single mum but it's not apparently ok if the guy has children! Double standards there I think! Why is it ok for YOU to have children but NOT ok for them? I don't understand this. In the same way (as another poster pointed out) that a very overweight guy says he's looking for a 'slim, toned' woman and won't date anyone over a size 8! ( I saw this exact requirement only yesterday, from a guy who was extremely overweight - double standards!

Shoxfordian · 01/02/2023 07:28

@SpringIntoChaos

I would have thought it’s the extra complications of having a partner with kids, when you have kids to co-ordinate and try to blend two families- reasonable not to want that in my opinion.

littleburn · 01/02/2023 07:34

On a similar 'men don't like being told no' note, I once wrote on a dating profile that I wasn't interested in dating someone who was a committed Tory or Brexiter. It was on the basis of wanting to meet someone with similar social values and I phrased it politely and explaining that rationale.

Well, the number of men who felt the need to get in touch and correct me on that point! How dare I exclude them from my dating pool - whilst also telling me how wrong my politics are, of course!