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Original poster

Why do people get offended?

106 replies

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 01:17

Why do people get offended because someone wouldn’t date them? I’m a single mum but would prefer to date a man without children ( I have my reasons for this) anyway it came up on another site and I commented saying this and along came the single dads getting offended by it! As a single mum I am fully aware loads of men won’t want to date me because of this and that’s ok, I wouldn’t get upset because a man didn’t want to date me! I get why it would put someone off.

I am happy to stay single as it’s something I don’t want to compromise on so I’m happy to stay alone if I can’t meet someone that doesn’t have children. No other situation would people be expected to only date people “the same” as them so why is having children different and you are only expected to date another parent? It’s as if people can’t have a preference as I’ve also seen people getting offended when someone says they would date a short man etc, why are people not allowed a preference without upsetting others 🤦🏻 Most mums would rather date another parent anyway so they are not exactly short on attention!

OP posts:
Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 10:02

Loads of men wouldn’t date me because I’m a single mum, it doesn’t upset me!!! I get it and I can see why they would feel that way, I’m sorry some people get upset that people won’t date them (for whatever reason as this isn’t just about that) but I do think it’s a bit silly to get upset about people having a preference…

OP posts:
Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 10:03

LaLuz7 · 01/02/2023 09:58

Because people don't understand that the way people run their personal lives is not subject to equal opportunity laws lol.

And people are allergic to the idea of women having standards.

Ignore the triggered snowflakes and move on.

Yep exactly!

OP posts:
Spudlet · 01/02/2023 10:04

And that’s great for you. But not everyone is as resilient as you. Dating means making yourself vulnerable, and that’s hard for some people to do. It can make them a bit prickly. Not everyone has to feel the same way you do, and your way to feel is not the only right way to feel.

illtakeit · 01/02/2023 10:14

You can choose not to date someone for any reason, big or small. No one should get offended for that!

I also agree with PPs, some men don't like hearing NO. A bunch of psychos who weren't taught how to deal with rejection so they throw toddler like hissy fits.

Hoppinggreen · 01/02/2023 10:19

Because as a woman who is obviously not a virgin you should be grateful for any and all male attention

hungerganes · 01/02/2023 11:43

I think it will be tricky to find a man who:

  1. has no children
  2. wants no children
  3. but is ok with your children
Men who don't want children don't tend to want to date single mums but I see you're happy to stay single so it could happen.

I think I would look into men who have older flown the nest but I appreciate there might be an age gap issue if you're under 35.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 11:45

Yeh that wouldn’t work for me as I’m early 30s and don’t really find older men attractive either 😬 gosh I’m probably offending someone right now by saying I don’t date much older men!

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 01/02/2023 12:07

LaLuz7 · 01/02/2023 09:58

Because people don't understand that the way people run their personal lives is not subject to equal opportunity laws lol.

And people are allergic to the idea of women having standards.

Ignore the triggered snowflakes and move on.

This.

BrilliantUsername · 01/02/2023 12:40

I went on a date once with a man who had a dc. This was long before I had dc of my own.
He sat there and slagged off his ex who he thought had once cheated and smugly said no one will want her now though she's a single mum.

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 12:44

BrilliantUsername · 01/02/2023 12:40

I went on a date once with a man who had a dc. This was long before I had dc of my own.
He sat there and slagged off his ex who he thought had once cheated and smugly said no one will want her now though she's a single mum.

Wow he sounds delightful! See that’s the thing it’s totally acceptable for men to be single fathers and they are admired and respected but single mums are the scum of the earth that no man will want and should settle for anything they can get 🙄 I’ve literally never seen a man be told he should only date women with children because he has them.

OP posts:
littleburn · 01/02/2023 13:06

Yfront · 01/02/2023 09:55

Well maybe I'm over sensitive but if someone said they wouldn't date me because of some aspect of my life that either I couldn't change or was really proud of I'd maybe be a bit taken aback and possibly a bit sad about it, depending on the circumstances. It's a judgement on you and your worth as a partner and someone declaring you're not 'good enough' for them. And it's a judgement made not on the person you are, but on some other aspect. Without even really knowing you, a judgement has been made about you.

Don't get me wrong, everyone has preferences, everyone should be free to date who they like. But not everyone is tough and can cope with being rejected. They will internalise it and it affects their self worth. It's just how some people are. I think you're being a bit harsh.

I get what you're saying to a point, but sometimes it's also about recognising what does and doesn't work for you. It's nothing personal. Someone could be the loveliest person in the world but have a family set up that is never going to work for you, for example. Their being lovely has no bearing on that situational factor. There's compromise, but that only goes so far. Better to say up front 'that won't work for me' than ignore those factors, develop feelings and then deal with it not working.

roarfeckingroarr · 01/02/2023 13:34

PousseyNotMoira · 01/02/2023 01:30

People are furious about it on MN all the time and I think it’s quite amusing.

I’ve seen women on here flamed for:

  • Not dating short men.
  • Not dating men who live with their parents.
  • Not dating vegans/vegetarians.
  • Not dating men who don’t read books.
  • Not dating men who order milk on dates (this was a VERY funny thread).
  • Not dating men who do y have degrees.
  • Not dating men with kids.

Probably more, but those immediately spring to mind.

😂 this is a brilliant list

winterbegone · 01/02/2023 14:04

I've had men offended at me over any silly reason, just that I won't agree to date because I wasn't feeling it with them, they don't like because I'm not available to chat instantly whenever they want to or I won't send them nude pictures on demand. Such self entitlement to think they have any woman they want, they seem to forget we actually human and not a blow up doll!

Stick to your standards you can have any reason you want if you don't want to date them.

Pearlygates · 01/02/2023 14:22

winterbegone · 01/02/2023 14:04

I've had men offended at me over any silly reason, just that I won't agree to date because I wasn't feeling it with them, they don't like because I'm not available to chat instantly whenever they want to or I won't send them nude pictures on demand. Such self entitlement to think they have any woman they want, they seem to forget we actually human and not a blow up doll!

Stick to your standards you can have any reason you want if you don't want to date them.

Had a man turned extremely nasty to me after I refused to go on 2nd date with him. 😂

SleepingStandingUp · 01/02/2023 14:26

I think it depends on the context really

"I don't date dad's, because I wouldn't want to do a blended family" VS" I don't date dad's bedside if you've walked out and left one woman with kids I'm going to assume you're an arse hole"
"I don't date dad's because I don't like other people's kids" VS "I don't date dad's because I don't want to have to look after their kids once they shunt the grunt work onto me"

Basically it depends if you're making it about you or "him"

Timaya · 01/02/2023 14:31

I'm not likely to date a fat person, I'm sure plenty of people would get offended by that, but physical attraction is important when beginning a relationship.

I don't think it's hypocritical to be a single parent and want to date someone without kids. You don't want to deal with someone else's kids... Doesn't mean you can't find someone who wants to deal with yours? And an overweight person might not be attracted to other overweight people, but there are slim people who would dare an overweight person. So... It can work out fine.

January17 · 01/02/2023 14:32

To be honest, from the other side, single dads with children only want to date women without children, it's normally for selfish reasons - convenience.

I hadn't dated anyone with children until my last ex. Over two years, I was fitted in around when he had them. That meant I almost never saw him at weekends until Sunday evening when they went home.

He'd imply I was irresponsible for not having children, but then didn't want to have more when I did consider it.

Recently matched a guy on Bumble who put 'don't know' under children. Turns out he has a son he has every weekend. That's quite a big deal.

Saza123 · 01/02/2023 14:40

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 01:36

Yep I’ve seen people have a go at women for not wanting to date a man that doesn’t drive! I can’t imagine being upset because someone didn’t want to date me (for whatever reason.)

Show quote history

Haha I wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t drive

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 14:42

Saza123 · 01/02/2023 14:40

Haha I wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t drive

Show quote history

loads wouldn’t but people get upset by it

OP posts:
Saza123 · 01/02/2023 14:44

Imagine being a size 8 and having some gross overweight guy on top of you in bed, don’t think so

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 14:44

SleepingStandingUp · 01/02/2023 14:26

I think it depends on the context really

"I don't date dad's, because I wouldn't want to do a blended family" VS" I don't date dad's bedside if you've walked out and left one woman with kids I'm going to assume you're an arse hole"
"I don't date dad's because I don't like other people's kids" VS "I don't date dad's because I don't want to have to look after their kids once they shunt the grunt work onto me"

Basically it depends if you're making it about you or "him"

It doesn’t matter I can not want to date single dads for any reason and no I don’t like kids so don’t want to be around kids that aren’t my own

OP posts:
Saza123 · 01/02/2023 14:45

Yeh I certainly wouldn’t get upset about it as it’s something that can b easily changed, but when I live in Manchester and they’re in Leeds and they say they don’t see it as an issue, course it is!

Original poster
SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 14:45

Timaya · 01/02/2023 14:31

I'm not likely to date a fat person, I'm sure plenty of people would get offended by that, but physical attraction is important when beginning a relationship.

I don't think it's hypocritical to be a single parent and want to date someone without kids. You don't want to deal with someone else's kids... Doesn't mean you can't find someone who wants to deal with yours? And an overweight person might not be attracted to other overweight people, but there are slim people who would dare an overweight person. So... It can work out fine.

Exactly I don’t want to deal with other people’s kids I have enough with my own and don’t want to be involved with anyone else’s

OP posts:
January17 · 01/02/2023 14:49

SpinningFloppa · 01/02/2023 14:45

Exactly I don’t want to deal with other people’s kids I have enough with my own and don’t want to be involved with anyone else’s

Show quote history

What if you date a man and then he wants to have children? I think it's selfish when people with children deny the partner that chance. You need to be clear about it up front.

Alexandernevermind · 01/02/2023 14:50

They think you are supposed to be grateful op. An elderly aunt told my single mum sister that "beggers can't be choosers"! 🤣
Honestly I would have such a long list of demands, icks and boundaries if I became a single parent, quite rightly!

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