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Baby dad got another girl pregnant

108 replies

Megan000 · 31/01/2023 13:54

This is gonna be really long to explain so thank you in advance to whoever reads this. I need to give a bit of a backstory to explain my dilemma.

I don’t know what to do I’m struggling mentally to cope with the situation I’m in…I’m 22 I’ve just found out my daughters dad is expecting another baby with another girl and it’s broken me. I’ve known my baby dad since 2018 we were friends first and then got into a relationship I was his first girlfriend, I took his virginity etc we loved each other we were very serious and I ended up getting pregnant…long story short he ended up going to jail in 2019 just before I had our daughter and during his 6months in jail I cheated on him it’s my biggest regret but he never contacted me while he was in jail only spoke to his friends and I felt so alone being a new young mum so I got back with one of my exs it was nice having someone around and my baby dad didn’t really want our baby so I didn’t know how he’d be when he came out to a brand new daughter but he was devastated to find out I cheated and it ruined our relationship he went back to jail around April 2021 and he came out again same time last year this time round when he was in jail we spoke a bit more nearer his release date I even went to see him once, we were planning to get back together but when he got released he changed and didn’t take me seriously ever since I cheated he’s understandably turned cold and become a ‘fuck boy’ talks to loads of girls and sleeps with them he dosent do relationships since me.

I’ve had a boyfriend since the end of 2021 we’ve been together around a year and a half he’s involved in my daughters life he’ll see her every now and then and he’s very good with her my daughter adores him but deep down I want to be with my baby dad and we’ve been talking on and off I don’t want to have children with anyone else but him I know it’s bad but I’d leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with my baby dad if he was serious I know he’s been in and out of jail not really seen our daughter but I love him deep down and I always will. 2 months ago he told me he was staying up in Manchester for a bit (we’re both from london) as it’s more low profile for him we haven’t been talking that much but we spoke a bit 2 weeks ago and then stopped. I was contacted by a random girl 2 days ago who asked me if I knew where my baby dad was saying she was worried about him…to make it short she ended up telling me she’s pregnant with his baby and he’s just disappeared and she’s worried…I called my baby dad straight away hoping it was a lie but he confirmed it he told me he’d stayed with her for just over a month he was literally living with her the whole time he was there so I know they would’ve been having sex but she got pregnant fast and he’s not known her for long at all he’s saying he dosent want the baby but she’s saying she’s gonna keep it she’s pretty much in love with him but all girls fall in “love” with him quickly. It’s a lot for me to take on as I always hoped we’d get back together and have more children, rekindle our relationship etc as I said I don’t want children with anyone else it’s not like I was done one night stand we have a lot of history and we’re friends before anything but now that’s gone out the window my whole life plans have gone I can’t get my head around it he’s been with a lot of girls since me but they’ve been one timers not a serious girl he was living with and got pregnant this isn’t some girl he can just cut off. I’m really broken even more the thought of him not being there for our daughter but then having a new kid and being there for them treating them good kills me I dunno how I’m gonna cope knowing he could be out there with this girl and their baby playing happy families while me and my daughter are forgotten about and struggling financially etc im dreading it I don’t want my daughter to feel unwanted or like that child’s more special then her it’s gonna hurt seeing him being there for her like he should’ve been with me. I have depression and anxiety and get suicidal and this has just tipped me off the edge I know you may be thinking I’m better off without him but I wanted us to get back together and love him a lot I’m struggling to cope with this situation I’m in so much pain mentally and physically as much as I try to distract myself and forget about it I can’t. He’s back in London now but I think he’s planning on going back to Manchester I don’t know if he’s being honest with me but although he likes the girl it seems like he dosent want the baby and it’s put him off her but all I can picture is him getting back with her and as I said playing happy families it’ll effect my daughter more then me but I’m finding it hard to stay positive I know I have a boyfriend but this really has broken me. When we spoke he also said he wants to see me weather it happens I don’t actually know but I don’t want him two timing both of us as I know if we met we’d end up doing stuff cutting him off isn’t possible as I do love him. I feel like if I was pregnant with my boyfriends baby or we had a baby of our own maybe I wouldn’t feel as depressed as I would’ve properly moved on and started a new family of course I’d still be hurt but I don’t think it’d effect me as much my baby dad dosent think about things he does he had sex with her multiple times ejaculated inside of her and then dosent want the baby he didn’t want her to get pregnant although his actions say otherwise when she said she’s pregnant I was really hoping she was lying especially as it was only a month they were together but she showed me four positive pregnancy tests and claimed they’re in a relationship and we’re living together for a month I started ignoring her messages and she got rude and started calling me names and making threats so I’ve blocked her now but just can’t get my head around this and can’t stop thinking about it it’s not as if he fully moved on and got int a serious relationship with a girl for months and then they wanted to start a family he was with her for a month and accidentally got her pregnant 2 weeks ago when me and him were talking and saying we wanna sort stuff out he was with her in Manchester’s as much as he hates me for cheating and ruining what we had I know we could’ve ended up getting back together if he was persistent with it.

I dunno what responses to expect as nothing anyone says will make me better due to my depression this whole thing has made me feel very suicidal but I just needed to get it off my chest if anyone’s been in this experience and gone through this pain please share your thoughts as I’m feeling very depressed and I’m not gonna get over this any time soon 😔💔

OP posts:
Patchworksack · 03/02/2023 08:33

@Megan000 it seems blindingly obvious to any uninvolved observer that due to your own childhood and your dad’s abandonment you now crave attention from any controlling, criminal lowlife that comes along. You and your daughter deserve so much better but you need some help to work on your self esteem and to break the cycle. From your other thread your current boyfriend also sounds like bad news and very possibly already has a nice Muslim girl chosen by his family lined up to marry. Don’t get pregnant.
I wish you well, you need to see your own value and prioritise your daughter. What is your relationship with your mum like? What does she think of your boyfriends?

DoorstoManual · 03/02/2023 08:35

Megan000 · 31/01/2023 14:09

It’s true I guess as I always hoped we’d get back together and be a proper family…I don’t know who my real dad is I grew up with my real dad not wanting to know about me and instead having another baby with someone else and being there for them instead of me it made me feel unwanted and wonder what was wrong with me I don’t want my daughter to now go through the same that’s all I’m dreading as I can picture him playing happy families with her and being there for their child while he never sees our daughter again and it hurts a lot.

Stop the shitty pattern.

One thing that stood out for me was that he moved to Manchester for a low profile.😮

He is trouble, with a capital T

Runaway very very quickly and grab some self respect as you go.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 03/02/2023 08:45

harriethoyle · 03/02/2023 08:29

Grow up, learn to use contraception effectively and do NOT add another child this mess.

Exactly this

HoppingPavlova · 03/02/2023 08:56

I’d leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with my baby dad if he was serious I know he’s been in and out of jail not really seen our daughter but I love him deep down and I always will

Bloody Nora. Words fail me.

Give your head a shake. It sounds as though having this absolute loser in your daughters life can only be detrimental for her. Put her first for goodness sake. Move on and don’t look back. Don’t date for several years until you are able to make good choices.

monsteramunch · 03/02/2023 09:11

I’d leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with my baby dad if he was serious I know he’s been in and out of jail not really seen our daughter but I love him deep down and I always will

Your previous threads explain that he is emotionally abusive, you've gotten into physical fights and he pressures you into sex acts you don't want to do to the extent you said that one encounter was on the verge of rape.

Frankly, if this scumbag wants to never see you or daughter again it would be the best thing for her.

This isn't your first abusive relationship and your childhood experience means that if you don't seek help for this, means it's unlikely to be your last. Unless you do seek help. Then you have a chance to have a happy life.

Do you really want your daughter to grow up with a male role model who is emotionally, physically and sexually abusive? Don't you want more for her than that?

If you get back with him, she's more likely to repeat this cycle. How would you feel if she ended up in a relationship with someone abusive, in and out of jail etc?

BreviloquentBastard · 03/02/2023 09:20

I mostly just feel sorry for your daughter and current boyfriend.

It's incredibly cruel to stay with someone when you're still fixated on an ex and would leave the person you're with for said scumbag ex in a heartbeat. How would you feel in his shoes? He deserves someone who is all in for him 100%, not someone still desperately hoping her dickwad of an ex might deign to pump another baby into her in the future.

And as for your daughter... Do you not think she deserves stability, positive role models, and examples of good positive relationships? Or are you determined for her to repeat your poor choices as soon as she's old enough?

Poor child. Poor man. Pull yourself together, frankly.

fairgame84 · 03/02/2023 09:33

BreviloquentBastard · 03/02/2023 09:20

I mostly just feel sorry for your daughter and current boyfriend.

It's incredibly cruel to stay with someone when you're still fixated on an ex and would leave the person you're with for said scumbag ex in a heartbeat. How would you feel in his shoes? He deserves someone who is all in for him 100%, not someone still desperately hoping her dickwad of an ex might deign to pump another baby into her in the future.

And as for your daughter... Do you not think she deserves stability, positive role models, and examples of good positive relationships? Or are you determined for her to repeat your poor choices as soon as she's old enough?

Poor child. Poor man. Pull yourself together, frankly.

Her current boyfriend is abusive and controlling.

monsteramunch · 03/02/2023 09:39

@fairgame84

Ah I had got confused too and thought the guy in her OP who has been in and out of jail was the one from her other thread who is emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. But looking at the date of that thread it now seems that is the new boyfriend. Bloody hell.

OP, you are making decisions repeatedly that are so damaging to your daughter. If you never see either of these men again it would be great for her. She deserves more than being conditioned to repeat this cycle and end up in abusive relationships too.

You need to put her first, cut contact with the abusers and move on with your life. Seek counselling and don't get in another relationship for a long time.

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