Baby dad got another girl pregnant

[Megan000]

This is gonna be really long to explain so thank you in advance to whoever reads this. I need to give a bit of a backstory to explain my dilemma.

I don’t know what to do I’m struggling mentally to cope with the situation I’m in…I’m 22 I’ve just found out my daughters dad is expecting another baby with another girl and it’s broken me. I’ve known my baby dad since 2018 we were friends first and then got into a relationship I was his first girlfriend, I took his virginity etc we loved each other we were very serious and I ended up getting pregnant…long story short he ended up going to jail in 2019 just before I had our daughter and during his 6months in jail I cheated on him it’s my biggest regret but he never contacted me while he was in jail only spoke to his friends and I felt so alone being a new young mum so I got back with one of my exs it was nice having someone around and my baby dad didn’t really want our baby so I didn’t know how he’d be when he came out to a brand new daughter but he was devastated to find out I cheated and it ruined our relationship he went back to jail around April 2021 and he came out again same time last year this time round when he was in jail we spoke a bit more nearer his release date I even went to see him once, we were planning to get back together but when he got released he changed and didn’t take me seriously ever since I cheated he’s understandably turned cold and become a ‘fuck boy’ talks to loads of girls and sleeps with them he dosent do relationships since me.

I’ve had a boyfriend since the end of 2021 we’ve been together around a year and a half he’s involved in my daughters life he’ll see her every now and then and he’s very good with her my daughter adores him but deep down I want to be with my baby dad and we’ve been talking on and off I don’t want to have children with anyone else but him I know it’s bad but I’d leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with my baby dad if he was serious I know he’s been in and out of jail not really seen our daughter but I love him deep down and I always will. 2 months ago he told me he was staying up in Manchester for a bit (we’re both from london) as it’s more low profile for him we haven’t been talking that much but we spoke a bit 2 weeks ago and then stopped. I was contacted by a random girl 2 days ago who asked me if I knew where my baby dad was saying she was worried about him…to make it short she ended up telling me she’s pregnant with his baby and he’s just disappeared and she’s worried…I called my baby dad straight away hoping it was a lie but he confirmed it he told me he’d stayed with her for just over a month he was literally living with her the whole time he was there so I know they would’ve been having sex but she got pregnant fast and he’s not known her for long at all he’s saying he dosent want the baby but she’s saying she’s gonna keep it she’s pretty much in love with him but all girls fall in “love” with him quickly. It’s a lot for me to take on as I always hoped we’d get back together and have more children, rekindle our relationship etc as I said I don’t want children with anyone else it’s not like I was done one night stand we have a lot of history and we’re friends before anything but now that’s gone out the window my whole life plans have gone I can’t get my head around it he’s been with a lot of girls since me but they’ve been one timers not a serious girl he was living with and got pregnant this isn’t some girl he can just cut off. I’m really broken even more the thought of him not being there for our daughter but then having a new kid and being there for them treating them good kills me I dunno how I’m gonna cope knowing he could be out there with this girl and their baby playing happy families while me and my daughter are forgotten about and struggling financially etc im dreading it I don’t want my daughter to feel unwanted or like that child’s more special then her it’s gonna hurt seeing him being there for her like he should’ve been with me. I have depression and anxiety and get suicidal and this has just tipped me off the edge I know you may be thinking I’m better off without him but I wanted us to get back together and love him a lot I’m struggling to cope with this situation I’m in so much pain mentally and physically as much as I try to distract myself and forget about it I can’t. He’s back in London now but I think he’s planning on going back to Manchester I don’t know if he’s being honest with me but although he likes the girl it seems like he dosent want the baby and it’s put him off her but all I can picture is him getting back with her and as I said playing happy families it’ll effect my daughter more then me but I’m finding it hard to stay positive I know I have a boyfriend but this really has broken me. When we spoke he also said he wants to see me weather it happens I don’t actually know but I don’t want him two timing both of us as I know if we met we’d end up doing stuff cutting him off isn’t possible as I do love him. I feel like if I was pregnant with my boyfriends baby or we had a baby of our own maybe I wouldn’t feel as depressed as I would’ve properly moved on and started a new family of course I’d still be hurt but I don’t think it’d effect me as much my baby dad dosent think about things he does he had sex with her multiple times ejaculated inside of her and then dosent want the baby he didn’t want her to get pregnant although his actions say otherwise when she said she’s pregnant I was really hoping she was lying especially as it was only a month they were together but she showed me four positive pregnancy tests and claimed they’re in a relationship and we’re living together for a month I started ignoring her messages and she got rude and started calling me names and making threats so I’ve blocked her now but just can’t get my head around this and can’t stop thinking about it it’s not as if he fully moved on and got int a serious relationship with a girl for months and then they wanted to start a family he was with her for a month and accidentally got her pregnant 2 weeks ago when me and him were talking and saying we wanna sort stuff out he was with her in Manchester’s as much as he hates me for cheating and ruining what we had I know we could’ve ended up getting back together if he was persistent with it.

I dunno what responses to expect as nothing anyone says will make me better due to my depression this whole thing has made me feel very suicidal but I just needed to get it off my chest if anyone’s been in this experience and gone through this pain please share your thoughts as I’m feeling very depressed and I’m not gonna get over this any time soon 😔💔

Christ I've just read your other thread about your current boyfriend.

Leave them both, cut ties with both. I'd argue that no dad is preferable to a toxic career criminal.

The only person that matters is your child, do you have any family support?

And in 15 years time when your daughter comes to you pregnant and in love with some guy whose in and out of jail how exactly do you want her to act.

So you have a daughter but he doesnt see her? Hes not paternal, that wont change. You will never be a happy family.

Well he's in and out of jail and doesn't bother with your daughter so I what's there to like about him?

He's also going to have other kids (your daughters siblings) plotted around the country who he will never see.

Also, leave the boyfriend now he doesn't deserve this.

And stop saying baby dad🤦🏼‍♀️

Don’t waste time feeling bad for the current boyfriend, if you read her other threads, he’s a prick too!

@Naunet fair enough, hadn't seen the other post!

Leave them both and go and have a nice life with you and daughter.

If he is a baby dad it's hardly surprising he is going to be a baby dad elsewhere and probably elsewhere again.
Move on - respect yourself and forget about this loser.

Please don’t have another baby with the current bf to make you feel like you’ve moved on. Go and see your GP about help for your mental health and ditch the current BF if he’s bad news too.

Speak to your doctor to deal with your mental health.
end your relationship with your boyfriend, it’s an appalling way to treat him
do not have another baby,
get counselling to get over this loser. Both you and your daughter deserve more than this career criminal low life.

Please ditch men for now and work on your self esteem. You need to be you, not part of a couple, and to be strong for your child. No hoper men and not worthy of you. Your gp, health visitor and social services can signpost you to resources to help you help yourself. Look at education options, career etc. you can be anything you want to be you don't need a man

Stop dating men for a long while and focus on your baby. You're not in a good place , emotionally, for a relationship and you'll keep picking rum ones.

He will never be who you want him to be and what you hope for, the lovely family life is not on the cards with him. You are so young and can do so much better.
If he wanted to sort out his life, keep out of prison and stay faithful he would do that. He isnt and he doesnt want to. He doesnt see the same future as you There is no happy ending with him but there can be a happy ending for you and your daughter. Do the Freedom Programme to see why you keep falling for such dreadful men and to raise your self esteem so you don't fall for their type in the future. It seems hard now I'm sure but life with this man or your controlling boyfriend will be so much harder for you. You are worth so much more

Please prioritise your baby in all of this, forget about your ex and dump the new partner if he’s controlling. I type up histories like this in my job in Social Work, women who are desperate to keep useless wasters and not able to prioritise their children. Sometimes despite being given lots of support if they eventually get told it’s him or your child some women just can’t break away and end up losing their children

If you'd been asked, 5 years ago, what you wanted for a partner when you were older, what would you have said?

I'd like to bet you didn't dream of meeting a criminal who doesn't care about you, sleeps around, has children with various women then abandons them? That's who he is.

Don't blame yourself for 'cheating' while he was in prison. When someone doesn't get in touch with you for severa months, it's very reasonable to assume your 'relationship' is over. Did he honestly expect to ignore you for a few months then come out of prison and you'd be sat waiting for him? He doesn't think much of you does he?! It's much worse when you consider you were a new mum, and he had a new child, and he showed no interest at all in any of you.

Then he uses your 'cheating' as an excuse to sleep around, treat you like rubbish and ignore his child. Can you see how crazy this is? You did nothing wrong, he cheats and ignores you and your baby, and yet you're taking responsibility for it?

He is showing you that he doesn't love you or value you or respect you. The very best thing for you and your child would be never to see him again. Better for your child to grow up with a dependable loving mum, and no father around, than with a mum who's driven herself crazy trying to please a feckless loser of a dad who turns up every so often and then drops them again.

Better to have no father at all than one like him. And you're still very young - why all this talk of who you're going to have more babies with? I urge you to forget about boyfriends and babies for a few years. Work on yourself. Enjoy your relationship with your child. Build yourself up. Your self esteem and confidence. Leanr your worth. Only consider new relationships once you are certain you won't put up with the rubbish this loser is currently dealing out. You deserve better and your child does too.

Look, you've had a shit upbringing and you're attracted to bad men. But you have a child now who needs to be your priority. You sound more like 12 than 22. Ditch the pretend Muslim (happy to have sex with you out of wedlock but not for you to wear tight clothes? pull the other one) and stay away from relationships until you have a bit more self-esteem.

Or wait for your daughter to be posting the same sort of thing on here in about 15 years time

Totally echo what @gogohmm and others have said.
You don't need any man at this point. Focus on getting your own mental health sorted with the help of health visitor/GP etc, and focus on making a different life for your daughter than the one you had as a child.
This "Man" (in the loosest sense of the word) isn't going to be playing happy families with anyone. Chances are he'll be back in prison at some point, and unfortunately there will be many others who fall for his "charms" in between.
You can start building a better life for yourself and your little one today.
It's so hard to move on from someone you think you love. It's like a bereavement but you will 100% look back in the not too distant future and realise that you are worth far more and had a very lucky escape.

Oh, love. It comes across to me as that you think if you and he could get back together, you could live happily ever after. It won't happen with your ex, he doesn't want you or your lovely DD. Tbh, it's a big ask from even the loveliest of partners. YOU are the only person who can make you happy. Personally, I would ditch the current boyfriend and put your DD's father out of your head and do some serious work on yourself. You need to work on your self esteem and slay the demons of your childhood. Then you can move onto a bright future with your DD where your happiness can only be ADDED to by a partner. And if they don't add to it, you will have the strength to bin them off! Think of the example you are giving your daughter - she will only feel second best if YOU let her feel that way. Teach her that people who behave badly have no place in your lives and that neither of you are missing out on anything by cutting them out. Please got to the GP about your suicidal thoughts and get some help. The only person your daughter needs is you.

Go and look at your beautiful daughter, and think long and hard whether SHE will actually benefit from having this man in her life.

Think about how he has treated her already in her short life.

I hope you will realise that you both deserve better.

His penis. Why else would she fall for such a loser? :)

You and your child will be so much better off without him, your young you'll get over the lust you have over him. Do yourself and your daughter and favour and get away from him as soon as possible!!!

The ‘baby daddy’ does not sound like good father material. If he isn’t interested, then you and your daughter have had a lucky escape. Put it down to experience and move onwards and upwards.

People who have dysfunctional childhoods often replicate them when they reach adulthood, because it feels familiar and on some level safe. She needs to unlearn these behaviours. It’s nothing to do with his dick.

If you love him you would not have cheated, if you love him you would not be with another man you are living a fantasy in your head and it won't happen let him go and move on if you would ditch your current boyfriend in a heartbeat for him he is not the man for you let him go too

You are projecting all of your issues on this situation. You cannot 'create' what you didn't have growing up for your daughter, especially not with the type of person you're obsessing over.

Your daughter doesn't need an ex-con, 'fuck boy' man child as her Dad. She needs stability, routine, security and a stable Mum. She also doesn't need to know everyone you sleep with.

You sound like you're clearly struggling, so please get help with that.
End your current relationship because he deserves better than that.
Then, spend some time alone, without a man.

Please see your GP about your mental health and worry about him later. Your daughter needs at least one parent present and correct.