Baby dad got another girl pregnant

[Megan000]

This is gonna be really long to explain so thank you in advance to whoever reads this. I need to give a bit of a backstory to explain my dilemma.

I don’t know what to do I’m struggling mentally to cope with the situation I’m in…I’m 22 I’ve just found out my daughters dad is expecting another baby with another girl and it’s broken me. I’ve known my baby dad since 2018 we were friends first and then got into a relationship I was his first girlfriend, I took his virginity etc we loved each other we were very serious and I ended up getting pregnant…long story short he ended up going to jail in 2019 just before I had our daughter and during his 6months in jail I cheated on him it’s my biggest regret but he never contacted me while he was in jail only spoke to his friends and I felt so alone being a new young mum so I got back with one of my exs it was nice having someone around and my baby dad didn’t really want our baby so I didn’t know how he’d be when he came out to a brand new daughter but he was devastated to find out I cheated and it ruined our relationship he went back to jail around April 2021 and he came out again same time last year this time round when he was in jail we spoke a bit more nearer his release date I even went to see him once, we were planning to get back together but when he got released he changed and didn’t take me seriously ever since I cheated he’s understandably turned cold and become a ‘fuck boy’ talks to loads of girls and sleeps with them he dosent do relationships since me.

I’ve had a boyfriend since the end of 2021 we’ve been together around a year and a half he’s involved in my daughters life he’ll see her every now and then and he’s very good with her my daughter adores him but deep down I want to be with my baby dad and we’ve been talking on and off I don’t want to have children with anyone else but him I know it’s bad but I’d leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with my baby dad if he was serious I know he’s been in and out of jail not really seen our daughter but I love him deep down and I always will. 2 months ago he told me he was staying up in Manchester for a bit (we’re both from london) as it’s more low profile for him we haven’t been talking that much but we spoke a bit 2 weeks ago and then stopped. I was contacted by a random girl 2 days ago who asked me if I knew where my baby dad was saying she was worried about him…to make it short she ended up telling me she’s pregnant with his baby and he’s just disappeared and she’s worried…I called my baby dad straight away hoping it was a lie but he confirmed it he told me he’d stayed with her for just over a month he was literally living with her the whole time he was there so I know they would’ve been having sex but she got pregnant fast and he’s not known her for long at all he’s saying he dosent want the baby but she’s saying she’s gonna keep it she’s pretty much in love with him but all girls fall in “love” with him quickly. It’s a lot for me to take on as I always hoped we’d get back together and have more children, rekindle our relationship etc as I said I don’t want children with anyone else it’s not like I was done one night stand we have a lot of history and we’re friends before anything but now that’s gone out the window my whole life plans have gone I can’t get my head around it he’s been with a lot of girls since me but they’ve been one timers not a serious girl he was living with and got pregnant this isn’t some girl he can just cut off. I’m really broken even more the thought of him not being there for our daughter but then having a new kid and being there for them treating them good kills me I dunno how I’m gonna cope knowing he could be out there with this girl and their baby playing happy families while me and my daughter are forgotten about and struggling financially etc im dreading it I don’t want my daughter to feel unwanted or like that child’s more special then her it’s gonna hurt seeing him being there for her like he should’ve been with me. I have depression and anxiety and get suicidal and this has just tipped me off the edge I know you may be thinking I’m better off without him but I wanted us to get back together and love him a lot I’m struggling to cope with this situation I’m in so much pain mentally and physically as much as I try to distract myself and forget about it I can’t. He’s back in London now but I think he’s planning on going back to Manchester I don’t know if he’s being honest with me but although he likes the girl it seems like he dosent want the baby and it’s put him off her but all I can picture is him getting back with her and as I said playing happy families it’ll effect my daughter more then me but I’m finding it hard to stay positive I know I have a boyfriend but this really has broken me. When we spoke he also said he wants to see me weather it happens I don’t actually know but I don’t want him two timing both of us as I know if we met we’d end up doing stuff cutting him off isn’t possible as I do love him. I feel like if I was pregnant with my boyfriends baby or we had a baby of our own maybe I wouldn’t feel as depressed as I would’ve properly moved on and started a new family of course I’d still be hurt but I don’t think it’d effect me as much my baby dad dosent think about things he does he had sex with her multiple times ejaculated inside of her and then dosent want the baby he didn’t want her to get pregnant although his actions say otherwise when she said she’s pregnant I was really hoping she was lying especially as it was only a month they were together but she showed me four positive pregnancy tests and claimed they’re in a relationship and we’re living together for a month I started ignoring her messages and she got rude and started calling me names and making threats so I’ve blocked her now but just can’t get my head around this and can’t stop thinking about it it’s not as if he fully moved on and got int a serious relationship with a girl for months and then they wanted to start a family he was with her for a month and accidentally got her pregnant 2 weeks ago when me and him were talking and saying we wanna sort stuff out he was with her in Manchester’s as much as he hates me for cheating and ruining what we had I know we could’ve ended up getting back together if he was persistent with it.

I dunno what responses to expect as nothing anyone says will make me better due to my depression this whole thing has made me feel very suicidal but I just needed to get it off my chest if anyone’s been in this experience and gone through this pain please share your thoughts as I’m feeling very depressed and I’m not gonna get over this any time soon 😔💔

Hilarious comment…really unnecessary hope you feel better now you’ve commented that and got it out your system

This is the time when you have to realise that in terms of whats important, its your baby first then you second and everyone else - baby daddy, boyfriend whatever a very far away third. You need to get your own shit sorted out first. so, go and get some contraception. the pill, the patch, the coil whatever. something that YOU use to protect YOU from getting pregnant again because honestly its glaringly obvious what the next chapter of your story is going to be if you dont (met up with babydaddy, had sex now expecting again). Do you want to bring another child into this shitshow? once you have sorted that out then think about how you can make the best possible life for your child. they need you now and they need you to be the adult parent not the love sick swooning teen. thems the breaks when you have a child. you need to distance yourself from all the current men in your life. your babydaddy is no better than shit on your shoes and your boyfriend deserves to be with someone who isnt looking over his shoulder at the man standing in the past. You know you need to do this. and you make a start on it today. or you will end up pregnant again and in a worse situation.

What a helpful comment 🙄

OP appreciate you are a single mum but do you work PT or have something you'd like to train in? I think you need something like that to give you some self confidence & something to focus on other than these horrible men.

For what it's worth, my dad left my family when I was 12 & he was vile to us/me in particular.
I know how it feels to be abandoned but I try to live my life & be a parent by being exactly NOT like him.

He's a twat
He's not worth your effort
You are young and will find someone else and better if you choose
Leave him be
Please stop calling him baby daddy. He's your ex.

How much history and how very very serious could it have been if you met in 2018 and already had a baby by 2019??
Then he was in jail?
Do better for yourself and your daughter, focus on her and just forget men for a while

Truthfully, I think you need to grow up and put your child first. If he's sleeping around how many more women has he impregnated? Get over him quickly and start building the life you and your child both deserve.

Tbh this is the best thing that could have happened for you.

He doesn’t want to be with you.
Stop listening to what he is SAYING and focus on what he is actually DOING.

I get it.
You’ve had a baby with him and your natural instinct is to want to be with him.

But you are literally wasting your life waiting for him to want you back, when he’s got at least 1 other girl on the go.

You deserve so much better than this.

He needs to get a job and somewhere to live and then beg you and baby to come and live with him, so he can take care of you both.
Do not settle for anything less.

I highly doubt that will happen so in the meantime you need to work on your own self worth - I’d start by getting a PT job, volunteering or going to college or uni.

When I was a teen single mum, I too was really attached to a man and so I decided to get a job and work on myself so I could be better than all of the other girls he fancied.
I got a job, did a PT course, learned to drive, lost weight and felt amazing - he of course was begging for me back but by then I had too much self respect to want to go back with him.

I also think you need to be single as you obviously don’t really like your boyfriend and I think it’s important that you learn how you be single, else you’ll end up in crappy relationships.

Run away from this jailbird loser. FAST.

All this talk about ‘playing happy families’ and you wanting to be ‘a family’… do you know what a happy family is? It’s where children have stability and consistency with adults who love them and do the best for them.

Your ‘baby dad’ ticks none of those boxes so he won’t be playing happy families with you or anyone. He will just leave a trail of damaged lives.

It’s your child I feel sorry for. All this drama, energy and mental anguish over some scumbag who is just another ‘broken Britain’ statistic. ALL of your energy should be on her, and making sure she lives a better life than the one your choices are currently dragging her to.

You need to forget him

Oh op

your in love with a wrong un

and maybe jn love with an idea and who he was but not who he is now ?

i can only say that you have to do what every heartbroken person has to do

get yourself in a better place , if your anxiety is that bad you might need meds
stay single
and go NO CONTACT (nuclear level - block evey single social media , WhatsApp the lot)

matthew Hussey has some really good YouTube videos , I’ve been watching him on a reel

and stay single and get yourself in a better place

you have so many good years ahead of you

Raise your standards.

Raise the bar for god's sake. You do realise your daughter will learn about relationships by observing yours?

Your poor child.

Stop wasting your time on such losers and find some respect for yourself.

Prioritise yourself and your daughter. He's a loser. He will get more girls pregnant and not give a shit about them either. Only stay with your boyfriend if you want to but don't mess him around that's not fair. Wisen up. Get a job. Do a course. Expand your horizons and build a life where you don't need him. Seriously why would you want that piece of shit in your daughters life?

This type will be a father to many children and a dad to none. Given his frequent flyer point in the big house, a ‘proper’ family was never on the cards. My advice, let it go and work through your dad issues because it’s probably the reason you’ve wasted so much time on a waste of space.

So he never sees the DD you have together " but he's the only man you want more DC with". Get a grip! Love doesn't mean babies to a man. No man loves a woman just because they've had his child - more likely the opposite, it puts them off and makes a woman less sexy in their eyes. Sooner you get that the better!
I suggest you start dating all the men in your life that you don't want babies with, because that does you and the DC you already have a favour. At your young age, life should be about having fun, not babies.

Jesus Christ. Stop getting involved with criminals and abusers. Stop prioritising your feelings for these loser men above the future and welfare of your daughter. What on earth is there to love about your daughter's 'baby dad'? He sounds like an absolute waste of space.

You have been living in a bubble since you were 17 and know nothing better than this superficial charmer (and probably similar guys) so you think he's your best option.
I promise you, there is a better life with better people than the one you're living now. A life where you can bring your child up to be 'respectable', to not be surrounded by dodgy men, to have a chance of a good life.
Use this as your way out. If you're not already, try to build your own life and career, widen your circle to include people who don't see prison as normal and don't have chaotic lives with pregnancies 'happening' all over the place. Honestly, it will be so much better for you and your DD.

Sooo you regret cheating on him back in 2019, but you have had a boyfriend since the end of 2021(who is a big part of your poor daughters life, what a surprise), despite the fact you were in contact with your ex between April 2021 and April 2022 making noises about getting back together… the timeline isn’t quite making sense here.
You really need to be single, stop worrying about what your ex is doing and focus solely on your daughter and not your, frankly, ridiculous and childish relationship dramas for the first time in her life.

You need to start thinking about your daughters future. Stop chasing a ‘fuck boy’, someone who’s in and out of prison, someone who did not bother to contact you but expected you to still be hanging around for him after 6 months. I’m not convinced it’s cheating if he didn’t bother to contact you in prison. He could if he wanted to, he was speaking to friends. That’s not a relationship, he’s managing to emotionally control you.

He sounds awful and you need to set an example to your daughter that you won’t be treated that way. It’s not fair on your current boyfriend to keep a relationship going if you don’t really like him and would drop him like a fly for ‘fuck boy’.

Maybe stop concentrating on him, don’t contact him unless he contacts you. Work on yourself and things that make you and your daughter happy.

And when you're feeling down, wishing you were with him and torturing yourself about what he's up to with this other woman, stop, and look at your little girl.
She's so innocent with her whole life ahead. What sort of life do you want her to have? What sort of father? Is it best for her to have a dad who isn't that bothered? Who puts himself first? Goes in and out of her life when he chooses? Will bring dodgy people with him, have multiple other children, get sent to prison?
I don't think anyone would choose that for their child. So what you want now and whats best for her are two different things.
Put her first and keep reminding yourself its the right thing to do.

Cool story, sis. What's he been inside for?