Baby dad got another girl pregnant

[Megan000]

This is gonna be really long to explain so thank you in advance to whoever reads this. I need to give a bit of a backstory to explain my dilemma.

I don’t know what to do I’m struggling mentally to cope with the situation I’m in…I’m 22 I’ve just found out my daughters dad is expecting another baby with another girl and it’s broken me. I’ve known my baby dad since 2018 we were friends first and then got into a relationship I was his first girlfriend, I took his virginity etc we loved each other we were very serious and I ended up getting pregnant…long story short he ended up going to jail in 2019 just before I had our daughter and during his 6months in jail I cheated on him it’s my biggest regret but he never contacted me while he was in jail only spoke to his friends and I felt so alone being a new young mum so I got back with one of my exs it was nice having someone around and my baby dad didn’t really want our baby so I didn’t know how he’d be when he came out to a brand new daughter but he was devastated to find out I cheated and it ruined our relationship he went back to jail around April 2021 and he came out again same time last year this time round when he was in jail we spoke a bit more nearer his release date I even went to see him once, we were planning to get back together but when he got released he changed and didn’t take me seriously ever since I cheated he’s understandably turned cold and become a ‘fuck boy’ talks to loads of girls and sleeps with them he dosent do relationships since me.

I’ve had a boyfriend since the end of 2021 we’ve been together around a year and a half he’s involved in my daughters life he’ll see her every now and then and he’s very good with her my daughter adores him but deep down I want to be with my baby dad and we’ve been talking on and off I don’t want to have children with anyone else but him I know it’s bad but I’d leave my boyfriend in a heartbeat to be with my baby dad if he was serious I know he’s been in and out of jail not really seen our daughter but I love him deep down and I always will. 2 months ago he told me he was staying up in Manchester for a bit (we’re both from london) as it’s more low profile for him we haven’t been talking that much but we spoke a bit 2 weeks ago and then stopped. I was contacted by a random girl 2 days ago who asked me if I knew where my baby dad was saying she was worried about him…to make it short she ended up telling me she’s pregnant with his baby and he’s just disappeared and she’s worried…I called my baby dad straight away hoping it was a lie but he confirmed it he told me he’d stayed with her for just over a month he was literally living with her the whole time he was there so I know they would’ve been having sex but she got pregnant fast and he’s not known her for long at all he’s saying he dosent want the baby but she’s saying she’s gonna keep it she’s pretty much in love with him but all girls fall in “love” with him quickly. It’s a lot for me to take on as I always hoped we’d get back together and have more children, rekindle our relationship etc as I said I don’t want children with anyone else it’s not like I was done one night stand we have a lot of history and we’re friends before anything but now that’s gone out the window my whole life plans have gone I can’t get my head around it he’s been with a lot of girls since me but they’ve been one timers not a serious girl he was living with and got pregnant this isn’t some girl he can just cut off. I’m really broken even more the thought of him not being there for our daughter but then having a new kid and being there for them treating them good kills me I dunno how I’m gonna cope knowing he could be out there with this girl and their baby playing happy families while me and my daughter are forgotten about and struggling financially etc im dreading it I don’t want my daughter to feel unwanted or like that child’s more special then her it’s gonna hurt seeing him being there for her like he should’ve been with me. I have depression and anxiety and get suicidal and this has just tipped me off the edge I know you may be thinking I’m better off without him but I wanted us to get back together and love him a lot I’m struggling to cope with this situation I’m in so much pain mentally and physically as much as I try to distract myself and forget about it I can’t. He’s back in London now but I think he’s planning on going back to Manchester I don’t know if he’s being honest with me but although he likes the girl it seems like he dosent want the baby and it’s put him off her but all I can picture is him getting back with her and as I said playing happy families it’ll effect my daughter more then me but I’m finding it hard to stay positive I know I have a boyfriend but this really has broken me. When we spoke he also said he wants to see me weather it happens I don’t actually know but I don’t want him two timing both of us as I know if we met we’d end up doing stuff cutting him off isn’t possible as I do love him. I feel like if I was pregnant with my boyfriends baby or we had a baby of our own maybe I wouldn’t feel as depressed as I would’ve properly moved on and started a new family of course I’d still be hurt but I don’t think it’d effect me as much my baby dad dosent think about things he does he had sex with her multiple times ejaculated inside of her and then dosent want the baby he didn’t want her to get pregnant although his actions say otherwise when she said she’s pregnant I was really hoping she was lying especially as it was only a month they were together but she showed me four positive pregnancy tests and claimed they’re in a relationship and we’re living together for a month I started ignoring her messages and she got rude and started calling me names and making threats so I’ve blocked her now but just can’t get my head around this and can’t stop thinking about it it’s not as if he fully moved on and got int a serious relationship with a girl for months and then they wanted to start a family he was with her for a month and accidentally got her pregnant 2 weeks ago when me and him were talking and saying we wanna sort stuff out he was with her in Manchester’s as much as he hates me for cheating and ruining what we had I know we could’ve ended up getting back together if he was persistent with it.

I dunno what responses to expect as nothing anyone says will make me better due to my depression this whole thing has made me feel very suicidal but I just needed to get it off my chest if anyone’s been in this experience and gone through this pain please share your thoughts as I’m feeling very depressed and I’m not gonna get over this any time soon 😔💔

He won't be "playing happy families"

So you want to get back together with some loser who is in & out of prison & isn't really interested in being a father to your child anyways....Wow.

This guy isn’t good enough for you or your daughter.

I’m going to be really honest and ask why oh why you would want a man who is so useless as your partner or your child’s Dad… the example he is settling for your child is dire and if you have him in your life I suspect things won’t improve. The best thing you could do for your daughter is move on from him completely and focus on giving stability and a better life for your Daughter x

Bloody hell,

im going to be honest with you, I would just forget all of the men and concentrate on you and your daughter. You will probably forget about these men in the next year. When I had my son his dad met someone else whilst I was pregnant. I was absolutely heartbroken I honestly thought I wouldn’t survive. My son is 6 years old now and I don’t even think he’s crossed my mind since my son was born.

just focus on yourself it will pay off in the end xx

You need to stay single till you can read this thread and be truly revolted by what you read. Work on yourself, and for gods sake raise the bar or you will find yourself in and out of abusive relationships. Think of your daughter, show her how strong you can be. Train for a career, focus on that not scummy men and work on your self esteem and respect.

You know all us older and wiser people of mumsnet are going to tell you to stay away from this guy. He’s bad news. How long until he’s back in prison? Not long by the sounds of him needing to lie low. Seriously don’t waste your time on this guy, you’ll spend the rest of your days heartbroken as he cheats on your or goes back to prison. If you’re not into your new guy end things. It’s unfair on him. But just stay away from your babies father.

I'm sorry you are feeling so upset. I understand that you feel attached to him but try and take a step back and view the situation as if it was happening to someone else. You are sad about losing "the happy family" with him, but this is something you never had, and were unlikely to get from him. He isn't a good dad now, inconsistent at best. He will likely be the same to his next child.
My advice would be to emotionally distance yourself from him, only communicate about DD. Apply for child maintenance, he needs to be responsible for his child.
Look after yourself and your peace of mind, don't get dragged into drama. He will try to pit you against the new girl to do the "pick me dance" and avoid any responsibility for his shirty behaviour.

Get some therapy so you can break the cycle of low self esteem and not pass it on to your daughter.

It's 2040 and your daughter is making this same exact post on an Internet forum. She's only a few years past her teens, and already impregnanted by and crying after a man who puts his dick in more different places than he taps his Travelcard.

That doesn't have to happen. You can break the effed up cycle, OP, by making sure the men in your life, if any, are stable and reliable. Fear and emotional danger can feel like excitement and love, but actually when you find truly stable love it gives you a real excitement for life that never wears off.

This is a great response.

I feel like I could have written that myself when I was in my early 20s.
you’ll get through this. Focus on your little baby and the bf you have now.
every time you find yourself thinking about the ex distract yourself. Got for a walk, mow the lawns, go for a drive.
In a few weeks he’ll be a bad dream.

in 10 years he'll still be in and out of the slammer and have a dozen children with a dozen different mums and you’ll be happy with your daughter and maybe married to your current bf

stay strong ((hugs from oz))

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We see that you are getting some wonderful support from other Mumsnetters which is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Best wishes
MNHQ💐

we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare

🙄🙄🙄
not sure why that was necessary tbh

telling the MN brigade to not help a struggling baby mama 🤮🤮

Please OP, drop ALL these awful men and concentrate only on your child and you for the next 5 years. You are still very young and with your background you are not equipped to make sensible choices of romantic interest yet.

Get some counselling for yourself. Make you two the only people who you care about. You deserved a better childhood than you had, don't subject your child to the same shit.

When you are older and wiser your child will go to school and you can get work and new friends. Pick them wisely. You can both have a wonderful future, but never, ever, with a career criminal and/or a Player, or an abusive controlling cunt. That way only leads to utter misery for your child and you.

why do you want for your daughter, the same as you had?

You're young but you've got the responsibility of your daughter now so let me lay it down.

Your ex is trash and doesn't give a shit about you or your daughter.

Your current boyfriend is also trash.

You too will also be trash if you don't sort yourself out and get your shit together. What you're doing at the moment is already trashy.

FFS don't get pregnant, don't start another relationship, and look up something called intergenerational trauma. You need counselling ASAP. Start putting your daughter ahead of all of this, otherwise she's going to be you in 15 years.

Bit late and you may not see this but after spending over 5 years chasing after a "fuck boy", who to be frank was scum but at least law abiding, I can tell you that other girl is unlikely to get support and a happy family.
He is immature and his life is unstable. Neither you nor the new woman will fix that. It won't be easy but take time, focus on you and eventually you will find someone who deserves you and daughter. Or find a place where you don't need someone else to be that role. But please remind yourself, he was into you once and ditched you when pregnant (prison or no he made no effort to reach out) and he will do same to each girl. Just focus on you and your little girl and enjoy it x

So I’m wondering if you have thought about your upbringing. Why you think it’s ok for a man to be in and out of prison. Not be interested in your daughter but yet you want him back.
Have you considered therapy?
Is he the one you can’t have? Is that the attraction. Bad boy etc. There is decent men out there that will treat you well you need to work on you and show your daughter how she deserves to be treated.
Think of what you are showing her.

How do we, as a society stop this silly cycle perpetuating itself?
The OP won't/can't see that she is surrounding her daughter with people worse than pond scum, it is almost guaranteed that the daughter will be in the same predicament in 15 years time as pond scum men are all she will have ever known (they will of course be referred to as 'salt of the earth blokes' by friends and family).
@Megan000 your post reads like an episode of Jeremy Kyle, ditch both losers and maybe go back into education to improve your future for your daughter.

PurelyOrnamental

on the one hand you profess to care

on the other you use terms like ‘Jeremy Kyle and pomd scum’

manage your language a bit better

@Thisisworsethananticpated absolutely not, I can choose to use whatever language I like on here.
You don't have to like it and I don't need to care about your opinion.

Oh and the 'baby dad' is pond scum in my opinion.

Your daughter would be better without this twat in her life. In prison twice, doesn't provide financially, doesn't try and clean up his act for her, and then goes and gets someone else pregnant because he can't keep his dick in his pants.

Stop worrying about what he's doing and concentrate on creating a safe and healthy life for your daughter. It's not with him!!!!

Grow up, learn to use contraception effectively and do NOT add another child this mess.