How to end a 'FB' thing with my dignity intact?

[Kinelll]

Bloke I met through work quite a while ago (but not a direct colleague).

We had a one night fling which we should have left at that, however I quite fancied him so I was glad when he said that he wanted to see me again.

We met up a week later for more of the same, arranged on the day itself at short notice. He was clear he wasn't looking for anything serious and I didn't think I was either but I felt like whatever it was could be fun.

Then silence for a month. Quick shag.

Three weeks then passed since we last spent the night together and I realised that I actually felt a bit down in the dumps, not invigorated or whatever else you're supposed to feel after no strings sex. I felt a bit used and disposable which I know is probably silly.. he made his intentions clear right?

So he got in contact with me today, with sex in mind, and as tempting as it is to see him again I just don't think I can be in an arrangement like this. A quick shag then radio silence for weeks/months. It doesn't make me feel good about myself.

I like the idea of something a bit more intimate. No commitment still, both free to see other people, just not so clinical and i dare say... cold? Maybe one or two texts over the course of the week, asking how my weekend has been or whatever. Maybe sharing a bottle of wine and taking that to bed. Who knows.. heaven forbid maybe.the odd takeaway?!

I made light of the 'ghosting' (if you can even call it that?) when he text me today and he said he wasn't trying to tie me down he just wanted to fuck me again.. Whatever happened to chivalry, atleast buy me a drink first 😂

Could you help me compile a pleasant message to him explaining that I don't want to see him in that way again as whilst I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now I think we are on completely different pages with what we want/expect from somebody we're sleeping with.

He wants a bootycall he can pick up at his convenience, I prefer any arrangements I have to feel mutually beneficial and I dare say a bit more respectful. I've had several before and they worked wonderfully. Those men were friends along with the benefits part.

I want to make it clear that I do not want a relationship with him, because I don't, and that's the last thing I want him to take away from it. That'll just make any future interactions awkward and make me look like a twat who got the feels.

I want to cull it and end on a positive note so that when our paths do cross, which they will, there's no awkwardness or weird feeling.

Just a line drawn under it and that's that.

Just tell him you have a regular thing elsewhere and wish him well. "Lovely to hear from you, I'm busy elsewhere, I hope you're well!"

It’s good that you’re doing what’s right for you.

Maybe keep it light ‘I had fun but time for me to move on, take care’ (or however you usually sign off messages)

i think you are too courteous/respectful to him. can’t offer a witty reply. but if he wrote i want to fuck i’d simply reply “but i don’t”. the thing with awkwardness- don’t worry about it. you don’t owe explanation here.

I’d just reply with “too busy”

I like this!

I like this approach. Match his effort/input into the relationship/communication. You owe nothing.

You’re already maintaining your dignity by no longer going along with this arrangement, so unless you send him a very dramatic goodbye message, basically anything is fine.

Personally I would ghost him, he has treated you like a convenient shag (I am sorry to be so blunt, but I think honesty serves you in this situation, you’ll need to face the reality of how he is to be able to move on). I wouldn’t give a shit about his feelings, you owe him literally nothing, not even a reply. Let him wonder what happened.

Yeah, you don’t owe him more consideration than he’s showing you. He has zero manners.

i think maybe draw a line under it for yourself, no need to communicate (that could be seen by a guy of his type as “fishing for relationship” or as “drama”) and then when he’s back in touch again, just say “no thanks,“ any VERY low effort variation of that that feels true to you.

you feel like you’re being used, and that’s an important thing to listen to. It doesn’t matter, defining what you want to him, or trying to be the “cool girl” - none of this matters.

you’ve articulated your feelings well, here- and your body (feeling low, etc) is telling you clearly that this isn’t good for you.

so that’s the main thing - you’re the main person whose feelings you need to take care of.

it won’t be awkward running into him if you don’t let it be awkward. Just a quick, breezy “oh hi!” And move on fast.

he’s not worth any more thought than that.

Just say no thanks, or say you're dating someone now. He doesn't need to hear any more than that.

Yes just say thanks it was fun no thanks.

op if you’re thinking of asking him to spend time with you, have dinner, then you want a relationship. Don’t downplay what you want and try to hide it as it will just hurt worse in the long run. Spending time with you isn’t a payment you request for sex. If he wanted to do this he would, don’t make it a condition.

so just say no. You wont feel better about yourself hanging around waiting for him to text and demanding in return he needs to pretend to want anything more than a shag

Do you actually want to end it though, or just set a bit more boundaries?

If you don't want him as a fuck buddy, then tell him that! " sorry I'm not up for casual sex but if you want something non-committal then maybe we could go out for a drink/meal.

If you want to offer him some kind of explanation you have great wording in your post -

"X, I won't be looking to meet up with you again. Whilst I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now I think we are on completely different pages with what we want/expect from somebody we're sleeping with. All the best."

Ew no. Don't offer yourself up to date a guy that texts you once a month for a shag!

If he wanted more you'd know.

Eww no, I'm not suggesting she 'dates' him just treats him like the other FB she's had,

The guy literally said he just wants to fuck her. What is the point of negotiating about that.

Plenty more fish in the sea.

I get where you’re coming from but she shouldn’t start any message with the word sorry.

He is being rude. Nothing wrong with a fuck buddy but the crucial word there is buddy.

Not many of us would want a fuck acquaintance. Even if it is casual, you'd expect at least some relationship style accoutrements, like a cuddle and a film.

I would just ghost him, personally. Otherwise I think you've summarised it pretty well already so just tell him what you've told us

Oh no, op don’t be doing this, asking him out on a date. Bloody hell that’s putting the bar low.

Umm that's called "dating" or "friends with benefits". A fuck buddy is literally just someone you fuck.

🙄

Why the stupid face?

Why are you trying to derail the thread with aggressive semantics?

🙄

What are "aggressive semantics"?? 😂

I don’t think he sounds rude etc. He said he doesn’t want anything serious and he quite literally just wants a fuck buddy. I had a set up like that some years ago when we’d just message when we wanted to sleep with each other. No messages about our day/week or whatever nonsense. It works for some but if you don’t want that then defo say that!

Do not ask him out on a date😂 that has to be the worst advice I’ve seen on here. As a pp said, if he wanted more then you’d know. I don’t even think that you need to go into details and explain that you’d like more from someone you’re sleeping with etc. You can just say something like ‘Going forward I don’t think this agreement will work as it seems we have slightly different expectations. Take care’ or something along those lines

I'd either go with 'no thanks' or just ignore.