How to end a 'FB' thing with my dignity intact?

[Kinelll]

Bloke I met through work quite a while ago (but not a direct colleague).

We had a one night fling which we should have left at that, however I quite fancied him so I was glad when he said that he wanted to see me again.

We met up a week later for more of the same, arranged on the day itself at short notice. He was clear he wasn't looking for anything serious and I didn't think I was either but I felt like whatever it was could be fun.

Then silence for a month. Quick shag.

Three weeks then passed since we last spent the night together and I realised that I actually felt a bit down in the dumps, not invigorated or whatever else you're supposed to feel after no strings sex. I felt a bit used and disposable which I know is probably silly.. he made his intentions clear right?

So he got in contact with me today, with sex in mind, and as tempting as it is to see him again I just don't think I can be in an arrangement like this. A quick shag then radio silence for weeks/months. It doesn't make me feel good about myself.

I like the idea of something a bit more intimate. No commitment still, both free to see other people, just not so clinical and i dare say... cold? Maybe one or two texts over the course of the week, asking how my weekend has been or whatever. Maybe sharing a bottle of wine and taking that to bed. Who knows.. heaven forbid maybe.the odd takeaway?!

I made light of the 'ghosting' (if you can even call it that?) when he text me today and he said he wasn't trying to tie me down he just wanted to fuck me again.. Whatever happened to chivalry, atleast buy me a drink first 😂

Could you help me compile a pleasant message to him explaining that I don't want to see him in that way again as whilst I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now I think we are on completely different pages with what we want/expect from somebody we're sleeping with.

He wants a bootycall he can pick up at his convenience, I prefer any arrangements I have to feel mutually beneficial and I dare say a bit more respectful. I've had several before and they worked wonderfully. Those men were friends along with the benefits part.

I want to make it clear that I do not want a relationship with him, because I don't, and that's the last thing I want him to take away from it. That'll just make any future interactions awkward and make me look like a twat who got the feels.

I want to cull it and end on a positive note so that when our paths do cross, which they will, there's no awkwardness or weird feeling.

Just a line drawn under it and that's that.

Aggressive semantics ^^ 🤣

"Hello, that will be a no thanks from me. Expect I'll see you around some time, take care 🙂"

I'd tell him you've met someone else

Hey I'm look for something more serious now. Tc.

It's not working for me.

Utterly truthful but no unnecessary explanation.

Don’t explain yourself I think it’ll come off as desperate and trying to beg him to like you in a way he doesn’t (even though it’s not!). I’d probably tell a white lie and say you’ve met someone amazing, that you’re going slow at the moment but you are exclusive and you wish him all the best 👋🏻

Although he’s been rather blunt, I’d rather that then a bull shitter.

Expectations, expectations, expectations. The poster up thread who was accused of being semantic was correct, you want a FWB and he wants a FB. Your situation just goes to show, whatever the relationship: casual or committed, it’s best to be upfront about your expectations.

Thanks but no thanks is your response. You don’t have to explain or justify your actions to someone who saw you as a FB.

Honestly, I wouldn't even respond.

I can’t do this anymore
look after yourself

then delete !

you know now what you want from the next one x

I like the ambiguity of this.

What’s not working? The arrangement? His cock? Leave him wondering if the sex is crap 😂

Just tell him the sex wasn’t particularly good and that you seem to find a more satisfying shag within a relationship 😎

"Ah, i hadn't heard from you for a while, so accepted another offer 🤷‍♀️😂"

How about something like... 'It was fun but you need to work on your textual foreplay. Most of us like some flirting before hand, not a random we haven't spoken to for 3 weeks trying to do dial-a-fuck out of nowhere. Get a grip of yourself. Yours sincerely, all the best, lovely to meet you, let's not be weird xx' 😂

I’d reply something like “thanks, it was fun but I’d prefer a FWB to a fuck buddy. All the best”.

And as for “aggressive semantics” - don’t be daft. It’s important to clarify what’s going on here. He just wants a FB, she wants a FWB.

Who cares what he thinks! Just ignore him when he texts, block & delete. Certainly don't spend ages writing paragraphs to someone who doesn't give a shit about you.

You owe him nothing, and certainly not the dignity of any reply at all. He's made it clear what he wants; your silence is all that is needed for you to make clear what you (don't) want.

I don’t think there’s any real call to be rude or try and make him feel insecure, he’s not really done anything wrong? He’s been blunt but very honest and I don’t think you can knock him for that. On that note though, be blunt back. Just say it isn’t working for you so you won’t be seeing him again, take care etc.

*courtesy not dignity 🙄

No need to say sorry, and don't make excuses.

If you say you are busy he will assume either game playing or make the correct assumption that not everyone is busy all of the time.

If you say you've met someone he will still pop up on the off chance you aren't with the new person anymore, or might be willing to cheat. He might think the new man is a similar arrangement, he doesn't care who else you shag.

Just say "this arrangement isn't working for me, isn't what I want, so let's leave it here"

Thank you all for the replies, lots really good suggestions and takes on it.

you want a FWB and he wants a FB Yup this is exactly it. That's what I want to put across.

I don't want a boyfriend, definitely don't want him thinking I want him as my boyfriend but I do want to be on friendly terms with whoever I'm sharing my bed with and I don't think this has been very friendly at all.

If he thinks a bit of social etiquette and niceties = being trapped into a relationship that that's just odd to me.

As tempting as it is to ghost him and boy it is.. I think that would set me up for a whole load of awkwardness down the line and It's not really in my nature.

There were a few moments over the past few weeks where I thought I would cave and invite him over. I decided to leave him to it and by the time he got in touch 3 weeks later I'm not actually that interested in him now. The rudeness has given me the ick a bit.

Do not be 'busy' he will still text you.
You don't want a ....
You can always block him.

I don’t know op.

you want him to text you when he doesn’t see you, have dinner with you, ask how you were, spend time date like before bed.

other Than the label, it sounds helluva like a boyfriend to me.

Does it?

A boyfriend to me is an exclusive relationship where your lives are entwined, you don't shag other people, you meet one another's families and friends etc.

I don't want that.

I just want a friend with a penis whos company I enjoy and who enjoys mine, some mutually beneficial fun with the understanding that if either of us meets somebody we want to date exclusively we can call it a day and there be no hard feelings. I'm not attached to this man just a little miffed at the clinical nature of things on his end. It's not for me.

The semantics are the MAIN point- OP wants a FWB, guy wants a “fuck buddy”- the issue was neither party was particularly clear from the outset

You could reply with what the kids write when someone’s been cheeky

‘lmao’ or ‘noooooo lol’

absolutely savage 😂