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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex husband flaunting new partner

89 replies

Hiilik · 26/01/2023 23:53

Just a bit of back story, found out my now ex husband was cheating on me with a woman from work about 6 months ago, we were happily married for 9 years with two children. I found out that he was cheating on me when I searched his phone one night and found various chats and pictures with this other woman. It wasn’t an easy breakup, not for me anyway.

Now I’ll try and get straight to the point, not long after him moving out of the family home he’s been very active on social media, can I just say that when were together he hardly ever used social media and definitely didn’t post pictures on there. He’s been on multiple different holidays with the new woman and has been buying her luxury gifts. I know right now I sound very bitter and jealous but he’s acting like he doesn’t have children!

He does see our one child ‘rarely’ but our other DD is still very young and confused with the whole situation.

I don’t think I’m coping with the breakup well at all and to see him being so happy really does upset me, not once did he ever post me on social media. This new woman is a lot younger than both of us, she is 26 and he is 39 nearly 40 and she is very beautiful which makes things that little bit harder. I know my children are the most important thing right now but has anybody been in the same boat as me? I do try and keep of social media but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me! Sorry for any punctuation or spelling mistakes, I just wanted to get this out here

OP posts:
Blossomandbee · 27/01/2023 00:02

Honestly the best thing you can do is block him. I know it's hard and you'll feel curious to see what he's up to but all it will do is prolong your pain. Speak to him only for child arrangements, put your energy into your children, getting back on your feet and sorting out whatever needs sorting. Take back some control.
Flash gifts and holidays are superficial and don't mean anything, it's all for show.

minou123 · 27/01/2023 00:06

Oh bless you. It is horrible.

If it helps, whenever I see "perfect" "loved" up photos on social media I automatically think the couple is protesting too much. Thier life isn't that perfect and they are posting these pictures to make themselves feel better.

You know what the answer is and that's to stop looking. I know that's hard.
I closed all my Facebook, insta etc and life is much better. It took a while to get used to it, but I'm in a position where I genuinely not missing it. Ive realised Facebook etc actually just wound me up and life is so much better without it.

threeandmeandthedog · 27/01/2023 00:07

Block him on social media. No good will come of it. I know it hurts. I am a few months into a similar situation. You are well rid of a man who needs to prove his self worth by flaunting himself on social media with no thought for his children or you. Channel your energies on focusing on your own self worth and happiness. You are well rid. I know it hurts beyond belief. But you are much better off without someone who has those kind of moral standards. Lean on your friends and family and surround yourself with people who value you. It may not feel like it now, but there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Grandmasword · 27/01/2023 00:18

I bet his new life is majorly constructed by his new GF as she is always going to worry that he will do to her what he did to you. He will get bored of her one day and no amount of holidays or gifts will reassure the new GF that ex wont stray. But she has just opened up a new vacancy.
Your ex is therefor holding off being a dad for now while he reassures the new GF of their grand love as the new GF may feel insecure about you. They will probably marry as this will be a requirement by the new GF to secure her man, or new set up. Social media will be filled with loved up snaps, holiday pics and all sorts to make sure the greater world sees the ex did not do a side step in vain and no couple has ever been so loved up and happy.

Dont fall for it. Honestly if he was able to do this to you, he will do this again.

I got married to someone like this, my ex was shagging around like a tail less dog in season, like it was a hobby and I had no idea. It hurts like hell to go through but I know my worth and you clearly do too as you got rid. They will never be fully happy those who cheat.

HeddaGarbled · 27/01/2023 00:30

He’s showing off because he’s pulled a 26 year old. Don’t be in any doubt that many of the people looking at his social media feed will not be without their opinions.

Agree, you do need to block. It really will help you in the long run.

BestZebbie · 27/01/2023 00:40

He sounds pretty insecure in the new relationship to me - he may feel obliged to provide a constant stream of holidays and gifts for fear (even if only subconscious) that if he ever stops, she will be off with a handsome 26yr old (just as he was). Maintaining his position will be a full-time preoccupation.
He is acting like someone who was sitting on a lovely veranda watching the moon rise over a lake but then decided to jump into the water and swim out along the path of the reflection to try and catch it - it looks very good on instagram but one day he may realise that he is now cold and wet and all alone a long way from the shore.

Quiltedandwilted88 · 27/01/2023 00:48

What a charmer. You are hurting now op but please take a deep breath and hold your head up high op, keep your dignity, and p!ay the long game. He is showing himself up to be the person he is. You look after yourself and your dc and get revenge by living a good life without this hideous man. And don't be shy of posting a few photos of your own if you feel up to it.

Nonagainst · 27/01/2023 00:51

I’m in a very similar circumstance but the other woman is my age (she’s a pretty woman) but what’s p*ssed me off is my STBEXH is spending LOTS of money on his new woman and her kids but not on our child.

These ‘men’ are wankers. Insecure, pathetic, little pieces of dirt. People will see his social media posts and think, ‘what an idiot, he looks desperate’ and he is. No real person with a back bone would do this to their family. It’s hard I know. I’m living it too.

To help I listen to podcasts (Brene brown, narcissistic recovery podcast, affirmations babe), I read books about women in similar positions to me, I try and push all the horrible thoughts out of my head because they can become all consuming. I see a counsellor. This is all very traumatic stuff. Don’t think it isn’t. Mine left 7 months ago and it gets easier, then they do something else to hurt you and you start the healing process all over again.

Take time for yourself and know that YOU are the better person in this situation. YOU are the better parent. YOU are better than him. Just think about yourself at 26? Would you have gone for a married 40 year old man with kids? Can you imagine what lies he’s told her? Or how insecure she feels? Feel sorry for them both because they sound like a right f*cking pair!

LicoricePizza · 27/01/2023 00:53

This is so painful. But like PP’s have said he’s doing it for all sorts of reasons. Mainly I suspect to keep up with his younger GF &new found “life”. If he never posted before especially. Also clearly v pleased with himself that he has bagged this woman. What a loser. It’s so superficial & pathetic. This glamorous life he’s posting is really just surface & shallow & to maintain her attraction to him. I agree prepare for a sudden engagement quickly followed by a pregnancy (not what you want to hear right now I know).

I’d find it really difficult to block as well but it really is the best & kindest option. It’s a form of torture otherwise & really bad for you mentally/emotionally. It hurts whenever someone moves on especially if it’s so quickly & seeing it all in front of you is just awful. Do it if you can 💐

antipodeancanary · 27/01/2023 00:54

Just think about what he has lost by leaving you. Two lovely young children, a home and a wife. He is presumably a laughing stock at work and to an extent to family and friends. Of course he has to reinvent this whole shit show and turn it into a fictitious 'loves young dream'. They always do.
I note he was keeping this all hidden from you before you found out, so was not so unhappy with you that he had plans to leave you before you (rightly) forced the issue. Hes a twerp.

Fraaahnces · 27/01/2023 00:55

Have you properly sorted his CMS? That should scare him a bit. I mean based on his REAL parenting contribution. She might not find him quite so attractive with less money to hurl around.

JFDIYOLO · 27/01/2023 01:09

Stop following them on social media.

Claim and pursue every penny he is legally required to pay for his own children's upbringing.

He's fifteen years older than her. When she's 35, he'll be 50. That will not be looking quite so attractive.

When she's 65 he'll be 80. An unpaid nurse to an old man. If it lasts that long.

Get on with your life and ignore theirs.

Eyerollcentral · 27/01/2023 01:11

Awful behaviour @Hiilik, it must be so hurtful. You’d be inhuman not to be hurt by it. It’s allllllll for his ego. What a silly man he is, parading a younger woman about. He is still the same man who betrayed you and is letting a little child down. He is the lowest of the low. No amount of grinning Facebook pics can make up for that. Maybe this will go the distance, likely it won’t. At the end of the day cry all you want about it (sometimes you just have to cry to let it all out), then focus on your future with your lovely child. You will find someone in time who treasures you if that’s what you want. It’s difficult but there will be a day when another of his pathetic mid life crisis pics pops up and you’ll roll your eyes, it might not seem like it now but that is what will happen.

qqq82 · 27/01/2023 03:26

I blocked my stbxh and removed all his family and friends from my sm

Lucylock · 27/01/2023 03:41

Blocking is the only way forward.

Whenever I see men like this I just think how ridiculous they look. I'm sure I won't be the only one .

BigCheeseSandwich · 27/01/2023 04:05

Cringing for him, as are all the people who see his pics I wager. Horrid for you though, OP.

Liorae · 27/01/2023 04:05

I bet his new life is majorly constructed by his new GF as she is always going to worry that he will do to her what he did to you. He will get bored of her one day and no amount of holidays or gifts will reassure the new GF that ex wont stray. But she has just opened up a new vacancy.
I doubt this very much. She will tire of him long before he tires of her. Beautiful and much younger, she is the one in the position of power in this relationship.

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 27/01/2023 04:09

If you don't feel you've got the strength to keep him blocked, send (or post) an erratic sounding message, enough to make him block you.

Irisheyesareshining · 27/01/2023 04:18

I doubt it will last long, he’s sounds an idiot and she will probably get fed up of him and find someone closer to her own age . Block and concentrate on your own life not the rubbish he’s posting on Facebook.

mathanxiety · 27/01/2023 04:33

Start getting over it.

He's making a complete tit of himself. Nobody whose opinion you value is impressed by his behaviour. 'No fool like an old fool' is a phrase springing to many minds, have no doubt.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 27/01/2023 05:44

I haven't been in your place, but like PPs I tend to think this type of posting on FB is fake. All the times I've known the poster well it's been hiding serious relationship issues, sometimes abuse. If I saw a recently seperated person posting like this the other thing it would scream loud and clear to me would be that they'd been cheating, especially with little children involved I'd think that was pretty low.

sjxoxo · 27/01/2023 05:51

So sorry he’s such a twat and you’re going through this 🌸

of my friends that have divorced, the men have all suddenly got on their social media posting their nights out and new partners etc - all my other friends and myself (DH included!!) watch it and cringe. Everyone knows he’s screaming it from the rooftops because he’s in a dark place and fucked up his marriage!! Let me reassure you that Everyone is watching your ex H and cringing thinking what a twat he is. And she won’t be around for long! When the gifts stop probably. Good luck to you, he’s shown who he really is and in the long run you’ll be better off without him xxxxxx

Foxywood · 27/01/2023 05:55

Why has she landed herself with an old bloke with children - if she was this perfect, beautiful, confident woman she wouldn't have chosen your DH.
So it all looks rosy but probably won't always be.

fUNNYfACE36 · 27/01/2023 06:04

There's no fool like an old fool.she will dump his sorry arse, soon for the next man.

Riu · 27/01/2023 06:09

Foxywood · 27/01/2023 05:55

Why has she landed herself with an old bloke with children - if she was this perfect, beautiful, confident woman she wouldn't have chosen your DH.
So it all looks rosy but probably won't always be.

Good point.