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Original poster

Ex husband flaunting new partner

89 replies

Hiilik · 26/01/2023 23:53

Just a bit of back story, found out my now ex husband was cheating on me with a woman from work about 6 months ago, we were happily married for 9 years with two children. I found out that he was cheating on me when I searched his phone one night and found various chats and pictures with this other woman. It wasn’t an easy breakup, not for me anyway.

Now I’ll try and get straight to the point, not long after him moving out of the family home he’s been very active on social media, can I just say that when were together he hardly ever used social media and definitely didn’t post pictures on there. He’s been on multiple different holidays with the new woman and has been buying her luxury gifts. I know right now I sound very bitter and jealous but he’s acting like he doesn’t have children!

He does see our one child ‘rarely’ but our other DD is still very young and confused with the whole situation.

I don’t think I’m coping with the breakup well at all and to see him being so happy really does upset me, not once did he ever post me on social media. This new woman is a lot younger than both of us, she is 26 and he is 39 nearly 40 and she is very beautiful which makes things that little bit harder. I know my children are the most important thing right now but has anybody been in the same boat as me? I do try and keep of social media but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me! Sorry for any punctuation or spelling mistakes, I just wanted to get this out here

OP posts:
Fridaysgirl17 · 27/01/2023 06:29

Very similar to my story & honestly i was very bitter at the start,I can admit that,my ex though is a piece of work,was asking me to move with him,do things with our boys we had done every year,all the time he was still seeing her,I also found out he got someone else pregnant while I was expecting our second son so yeah I was bitter, but I blocked both of them as she was forever contacting me on everything,she even made a new email to try contact me so I just keep blocking,posting pictures,etc she has full control of his pages which I know so it's all for the outsides benefit as I know it's not all rosy as I was told,I'm 18 months out now & glad,there are still issues,he's still with her & she's expecting their second child,they think they are loves young dream even though she's posted shit about him on FB constantly,the kids are going one night a weekend from tonight as per our order & I asked for the address which apparently was a problem even though it's in the order,I try just be civil & do as the order says & know eventually they will get sick of it when they have 6 kids(she already had 2) under 7 around them 3 of which will be in nappies etc

Lobelia123 · 27/01/2023 06:42

From my own painful experience, the best thing is to reframe it in your own mind. At the moment you see him living a wonderful life in absolute rejection of you and the chldren and that is incredibly painful and degrading. But actually what you have lost is not this wonderful man, the travel and holidays, flash life and expensive gifts. You've lost a cheater, a liar, a fraud, an unfaithful partner and poor father to your children. You are the winner here. Head up, heart strong and pick yourself up and carry on. You will get through this. When things are tough, be kind toyourself xxx Go for a walk. Have a piece of chocolate or glass of wine. offload to a friend. I promise you that life will be beautiful and good again. This is the hard part, but it does pass.

Questionneedanswer · 27/01/2023 06:46

Block and put all communication through a parenting app - our family wizard
Get legalities sorted asap.

This happened to me - there was a similar, but slightly bigger age gap with the OW, 18 years.
It is all so painful

maddy68 · 27/01/2023 06:52

Block him.

Buildingthefuture · 27/01/2023 07:08

I can’t imagine how painful for you this is op, I’m sorry. But, do try (I know it’s hard!) to look at it logically. What have they got, either of them? He’s got a younger woman who might be beautiful on the outside but on the inside she certainly isn’t. A good person does not knowingly shag a married man with 2 small children. End of. It’s shitty, shitty behaviour from a shitty person. So, that’s what he’s got. And as for what she’s got? A saddo with no loyalty and a wandering cock? Who can just ditch his kids (which I assume she may well want at some point?) Neither of them have anything you’d want! Block immediately, take a big deep breath and remember this is not on you. It’s two shitty people doing shitty things…

BunchHarman · 27/01/2023 07:13

If I knew you all, and saw him behaving like that online I’d think, “what a total cunt doing that to his family. I wonder when he sees his children.”

LlynTegid · 27/01/2023 07:16

Block him.

In 15 years time the new woman will probably be in the same position as you, assuming there is someone with low self esteem to fall for the lies of a 55 year old.

ImBlueDab · 27/01/2023 07:18

It's such hurtful behaviour, it shows what a selfish prick this man is, and you are well rid.

I worked with someone who did this, he was a senior director, all of a sudden he started posting on sm about this wonderful life he was having. But trust me, the entire organisation, am no doubt his friends thought he was a prize idiot and were laughing at his behaviour. His ex wife on the other hand, remained classy and didn't comment. I'm sore like you, she was hurting a lot, but she came out the other side looking the class and dignified person she was, whilst his relationship went to rat shit for the entire world to see

Cosycover · 27/01/2023 07:20

What an arsehole.

Block him for sure.

Then wait. Because this will all come crashing down for him eventually. Don't be there for him when it does.

Focus on your daughter and remind yourself how much more you are worth.

xfan · 27/01/2023 07:21

She's probably offering a lot of sex on tap (for now) until she decides she wants her own family (as most women do). I doubt it'll last. Try to ignore and focus on your self (and your children).

UmmmBopDeeDooWhop · 27/01/2023 07:21

has anybody been in the same boat as me?
Absolutely loads of people! It's practically standard. And probably, in the end, you will end up with a much better life than him but by then you won't care. It won't matter.

Try to focus on the right things. Particularly getting all the money side nailed down while he's in this rebound phase.

My best friend just came out the other end of this. Her ex went on three holidays in the first six months whilst she was still reeling. A year to the day after he fucked off, he was living in his mother's box room. His young girlfriend gone after the holidays exciting lifestyle was over, Not that it was her fault, he had given her a false picture of who he was.

user8545 · 27/01/2023 07:24

I know it's hard to see but honestly you need to see past it, those are not the actions of a happy man, they are the actions of an insecure man.

Of course he's got to take her on holiday and buy her gifts, he's a 40 year old dad trying to keep a 26 year old happy the main way he can now the excitement is over. He has a new toy and is showing off.

QuillBill · 27/01/2023 07:24

I reckon I could pull a 26 year old too if I pretended to myself and them that I was a decadent, holiday loving, commitment-free, financially stable woman-about-town instead of someone's parent with a mortgage and a boiler that's whistling.

SomeareDeluded · 27/01/2023 07:40

Hold your head up high OP, you are well rid of your heartless cheating tosser of an ex. Men like that are broken, shallow without integrity and will only go on to cheat again when the novelty wears off. The odds on his relationship being successful with a woman so young is very low. Karma will come one day.

The best you can do is to focus on yourself and little ones. Revenge is a life well lived.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/01/2023 07:44

Ouch
hes a total bellend

you have to block him
please for your own sanity and well-being

of course it’s hurtful he’s doing this only a saint wouldn’t be upset !

can I say that I’d be very very surprised if this turned into something long term and serious

please for your own sanity block him on both Facebook and WhatsApp
proceed with divorce plans

this will hurt for a while , but not forever
in the meantime force yourself into self care

I’m sorry x

pocketvenuss · 27/01/2023 07:44

Grandmasword · 27/01/2023 00:18

I bet his new life is majorly constructed by his new GF as she is always going to worry that he will do to her what he did to you. He will get bored of her one day and no amount of holidays or gifts will reassure the new GF that ex wont stray. But she has just opened up a new vacancy.
Your ex is therefor holding off being a dad for now while he reassures the new GF of their grand love as the new GF may feel insecure about you. They will probably marry as this will be a requirement by the new GF to secure her man, or new set up. Social media will be filled with loved up snaps, holiday pics and all sorts to make sure the greater world sees the ex did not do a side step in vain and no couple has ever been so loved up and happy.

Dont fall for it. Honestly if he was able to do this to you, he will do this again.

I got married to someone like this, my ex was shagging around like a tail less dog in season, like it was a hobby and I had no idea. It hurts like hell to go through but I know my worth and you clearly do too as you got rid. They will never be fully happy those who cheat.

I think it's more likely new GF will get sick of him. He's a lot older than she is

rookiemere · 27/01/2023 07:45

Believe me,people will see him for what he is by his posting, a sad sack who thinks he's the bees knees because he got himself a younger woman by abandoning his family.

pocketvenuss · 27/01/2023 07:46

LlynTegid · 27/01/2023 07:16

Block him.

In 15 years time the new woman will probably be in the same position as you, assuming there is someone with low self esteem to fall for the lies of a 55 year old.

Nah. She will have dumped him by then.

Outtasteamandluck · 27/01/2023 07:47

I doubt anyone would look upon his posts favourably.

He left his partner and kids for someone that (hopefully) it won't last with.

It's still very very very early days yet...still lots of time for you to heal and for it to all go wrong with OW.

You will triumph.

ManyNameChanges · 27/01/2023 08:30

Well he has to fit in the story if the free young man if he wants to stay attractive to her.
A 26yo might not appreciate to suddenly spend half of her weekends with two young children in tow.
On the other side, he needs to carry on wowing her, show his love etc… hence the money and trips. As two lovebirds who want to share many fantastic experiences together.

Basically he is showing how insecure he is!

For you though, concentrate on yourself.
Block him on SM.
Contact a lawyer, agree on financial settlement, CM and how often he will have the dcs. Look after your and your dcs interests. You’ll get a lot from getting back in control with YOUR life and with the way the separation is proceeding.
Dont wait for him to say when he will see the dcs, if he sees one but not the other (how dare he!!!!) etc… Don’t let things to be all on his terms.

UpUpAndAwol · 27/01/2023 08:38

Block, put a claim in for maintenance, only communicate about the children and know that everyone looking at his sm is not thinking he’s a dude for getting with a 26yr old. They are thinking he’s an irresponsible dick head who’s abandoned his family so he can feel young again. I imagine he’ll be knee deep in nappies in 10 years while you’re getting your independence back when your dc are older. Can’t imagine that will be much fun when he is 50. Sorry OP

Notsuchaniceguy · 27/01/2023 09:05

He is behaving as I behaved - although affair partner (AP) wasn't younger. This was prior to social media but had it not been I'm sure I'd have done that. Deep down I knew
I'd done a terrible thing and that relationship with AP was toxic so I/we tried to portray it as wonderful. Most of my friends (people I used for narcissistic supply) rightly told me to fuck right off as my mask had slipped. Mutual friends all stuck with my ex wife and cut me dead - and good for them.

As has been said, people will see his socials and be thinking "what a shit". If it lasts which it almost certainly won't, it will probably be toxic for them both. They won't be able to trust eachother for starters and the age gap will likely bite hard. She had an affair at 26 with a man in a relationship with kids? Under the supposed beauty there's a painful need for something. That's in the mix as well.

Block him, get a second cheap phone for contact about the kids so he's not popping up when you don't need to communicate and claim for everything he is supposed to pay. If you have mutual friends who feel the need to update you on his "wonderful new life" I suggest you cut those ties off or prune them right back.

Oh and don't let him come back if the relationship is dead in the water in a year. Which it probably will be.

AngelinaFibres · 27/01/2023 09:10

My exhusband did this to me 26 years ago. Social media wasn't a thing so he used to drive round and round our local area with the top down on his new sports car, demonstrating to everyone how young and sexy he was. Sports cars are not kind to carefully covered bald patches. He was 32 ,she was 17. I met him in our local town once and he cried and said that he couldn't give me any money that month because finances were a bit tight. When I picked the children up on Sunday morning he had bought her one of those very expensive waxed coats so she would be dry whilst riding her horse. It cost more than I spent on food for the 3 of us in a month. It was hanging in the doorway and my 4 year old son pointed it out. My husband's comment was " She wanted it so I had to buy it for her, didn't I". Its hard work keeping up with a much younger woman Op. Don't worry, your exhusband has made his bed. I absolutely understand your pain but the best thing you can ( and must) do is build your own life. The best revenge is a brilliant life.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 27/01/2023 09:37

Notsuchaniceguy

good post
OP read this ! He knows

5128gap · 27/01/2023 10:34

Foxywood · 27/01/2023 05:55

Why has she landed herself with an old bloke with children - if she was this perfect, beautiful, confident woman she wouldn't have chosen your DH.
So it all looks rosy but probably won't always be.

Absolutely. Beautiful 26 year old women have all the dating options in the world. If she's taken up with a cheating 40 year old who hasn't the decency to give attention to his DC, I can assure you that the SM stuff is a facade masking one or more of the following:
She has issues that make it difficult for her to date conventionally and easy prey for men like your ex, issues which don't tend to lend themselves to functional happy relationships.
Your ex is buying her interest with gifts and holidays.
Your ex is, underneath all the doting pictures, still the same dishonest, selfish entitled man he ever was. The faults that irritated you will now be irritating her. Smiling for a photo takes seconds. She has a lot of time putting up with him in between.