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Original poster

Ex husband flaunting new partner

89 replies

Hiilik · 26/01/2023 23:53

Just a bit of back story, found out my now ex husband was cheating on me with a woman from work about 6 months ago, we were happily married for 9 years with two children. I found out that he was cheating on me when I searched his phone one night and found various chats and pictures with this other woman. It wasn’t an easy breakup, not for me anyway.

Now I’ll try and get straight to the point, not long after him moving out of the family home he’s been very active on social media, can I just say that when were together he hardly ever used social media and definitely didn’t post pictures on there. He’s been on multiple different holidays with the new woman and has been buying her luxury gifts. I know right now I sound very bitter and jealous but he’s acting like he doesn’t have children!

He does see our one child ‘rarely’ but our other DD is still very young and confused with the whole situation.

I don’t think I’m coping with the breakup well at all and to see him being so happy really does upset me, not once did he ever post me on social media. This new woman is a lot younger than both of us, she is 26 and he is 39 nearly 40 and she is very beautiful which makes things that little bit harder. I know my children are the most important thing right now but has anybody been in the same boat as me? I do try and keep of social media but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me! Sorry for any punctuation or spelling mistakes, I just wanted to get this out here

OP posts:
mangoyumfbkjb · 27/01/2023 10:51

If you are going to go on social media and torment yourself, then make good use of it. Take photos of all of them as a couple on their expensive holidays, fine dining, living the life of luxury.

Why?
Because you use it to negotiate for higher maintenance of your children when he claims he doesn't have money.OH well, how much was this holiday/ Which restaurant did you eat at? wheres the bill? gift for girlfriend ? receipt please...
Use it to show that he is splashing money around. Use it to get your children a better life

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/01/2023 11:01

I was in a similar situation to you op (affair with a younger woman at work - similar ages). I blocked my ex from social media as soon as we separated as I just didn't want to know what he was doing with her but I did see the odd post and it was upsetting while I was at home mending mine and our dc's broken hearts.

He did still see the DC though, which was slightly different to you and I think that's what led to him an OW splitting up. Our DC cramped her style. Maybe don't get into a relationship with a married man with kids then hey...

But yes, block all SM, tell mutual friends you don't wan to know what he's doing and remember that his life probably isn't as perfect as it looks.

Bobcat246 · 27/01/2023 11:01

Console yourself with the fact he's embarrassing himself in front of his family and friends in a very public way. As others have said, flaunting the other woman and luxury goods on social media screams insecurity, is insensitive to you and the children, and is insensitive during difficult economic times. He will be irritating almost all of his followers. Step away and ignore, safe in the knowledge that he has enough rope to hang himself.

Rookiemama1 · 27/01/2023 12:36

Might get a bit of hate for this but honestly the best thing you can do is move on and try not to make assumptions. I think some people on here are being a naive in saying ah don't worry she's 26 it'll fade etc. I know it's to make OP feel better but they may stay together and she could get 'over it' on the contingent basis that it won't last. This is exactly what has happened me but on the other side.

My partner was with someone before me and had children and there's about 15 year age gap and I know people think he's absolutely smitten (as am I) so yes it does seem like a perfect wee bubble and to be fair to us it has been so wonderful, not perfect but amazing and we are now engaged and expecting a baby and he's the genuinely love of my life.

Just from (unpopular I know!) 'the other woman's' point of view (ps we didn't cheat he had finished with his ex before he even messaged me) don't let them see how much it's annoyed you. When we put up on social media about being engaged my instagram was private and my DP's ex got loads of her friends to try and follow me and all and I just, honestly for her, wish she would move on for her own sake. She hates me and my partner which to be fair I understand but we genuinely just want to see her move on and be happy and that starts with detaching from our relationship. If anything when she tries to be bitter or anything we actually get stronger.

Hope you find some peace and move on and be happy for you and your children xx

5128gap · 27/01/2023 12:59

Good for you @Rookiemama1 Come back and update us when you're in your 50s, and hopefully still fit, energetic and full of life, and tell us if it's as much fun in the bubble of bliss with a late 70s man asleep in front if the TV at 8pm!
Its all very well it working when he's comparatively young still, but they age very quickly after a certain point, and likely long before you'll be ready to live life at that slow pace. This is why people who've been around a while don't give great odds on these things lasting happily.
There's also the point that if a man is so keen on youth and beauty he will leave his family for it, he isn't a very good bet for his new partner, who will inevitably get older herself.
Being a much younger woman to an older man is not a lifestyle many would envy. Many young women who do stay with them end up feeling very trapped and miserable.

Liorae · 27/01/2023 13:02

mangoyumfbkjb · 27/01/2023 10:51

If you are going to go on social media and torment yourself, then make good use of it. Take photos of all of them as a couple on their expensive holidays, fine dining, living the life of luxury.

Why?
Because you use it to negotiate for higher maintenance of your children when he claims he doesn't have money.OH well, how much was this holiday/ Which restaurant did you eat at? wheres the bill? gift for girlfriend ? receipt please...
Use it to show that he is splashing money around. Use it to get your children a better life

Does it work like that? I thought CSA went on the income of the income of the nonresident parent and the number of kids. Unless he is self employed and underreporting his income, how he spends his disposable income is irrelevant.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/01/2023 13:04

What a sad man.

supercali77 · 27/01/2023 13:11

I know a couple, they worked together in the small industry I was part of. Everyone knows everyone, wife cheated on the husband and within months was doing ig posts of her and new man and her kid etc. Holidays. Festivals. It was the most awful and public display of careless disrespect. Everyone who knew them felt the same way. Nobody who knows what's happened is looking at those posts and thinking 'ah how sweet'. It's a terrible way to begin a new relationship, steeped in lies and betrayal and shiny narcissistic photos of holidays, not giving a f**k who they trampled to get there. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will look back one day and feel pity and revulsion for the whole sorry display. Any new relationship you start won't be tarred by grubby beginnings. You at least can go to bed at night knowing you were decent, didn't hang anyone out, didn't betray anyone, didn't go running after shiny new things. Cold comfort now maybe, but good for a decent night's rest. Unfollow, don't look, there's absolutely nothing of value or substance in that public display

Rookiemama1 · 27/01/2023 13:16

5128gap · 27/01/2023 12:59

Good for you @Rookiemama1 Come back and update us when you're in your 50s, and hopefully still fit, energetic and full of life, and tell us if it's as much fun in the bubble of bliss with a late 70s man asleep in front if the TV at 8pm!
Its all very well it working when he's comparatively young still, but they age very quickly after a certain point, and likely long before you'll be ready to live life at that slow pace. This is why people who've been around a while don't give great odds on these things lasting happily.
There's also the point that if a man is so keen on youth and beauty he will leave his family for it, he isn't a very good bet for his new partner, who will inevitably get older herself.
Being a much younger woman to an older man is not a lifestyle many would envy. Many young women who do stay with them end up feeling very trapped and miserable.

Woah someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. Was trying to be helpful and give a different viewpoint to actually help. We get a bad name being younger women but I'll leave you to it. PS - love the lifestyle, the sex is off the scale, very happy woman, have a mentally busy job so happy for the slower pace of life and embracing every minute of it. Have a lovely weekend! :)

blossomandwonder · 27/01/2023 13:18

My ex did exactly this. Woman 19 years younger, endless holidays, ignored our own kids.
6 years on, she's a nutter, he is back to changing nappies (everyone thinks he's grandpa to his new kids) and is a broke, bloated alcoholic.
How I fucking laugh.

prettygreenteacup · 27/01/2023 13:19

I'm about to finalise my divorce to my exH, after a very painful few years. He is now in a relationship (as am I) but he's doing the cliche thing of moving his GF and their child in super quick, trying to force some kind of blended family with our DD's. They've known them 6 months. I am sad for my girls that they have to be the collateral damage of his shit decisions.

For your own sake, block him on social media and limit how he contacts you. My exH is blocked on all platforms including WhatsApp. I did this for my own sake, because I respond so emotionally to him over things due to our history and that isn't helpful to our co-parenting. It also puts further distance between us in that he has no access to my life and I don't need to see or know about his aside from our children. We email or text only.

I promise you, you will come through the pain. My issue is that the residual anger I feel towards my ex was the stumbling block for me which is why I blocked him. For you, the less you see of his stupid life the less you will care.

The BEST revenge is always to not care, to live YOUR life and find your own happiness. It's the "Glow Up" the unfaithful tossers are riled to see. That we don't give a shit any more and their power is gone.

supercali77 · 27/01/2023 13:19

@Rookiemama1 So you came onto a thread where the OP is in pain after serious quite recent betrayal to tell her how marvellous it is on the flipside...to help? Then you follow up by making the point that younger women get a bad name (the irony)... and then go on about your marvellous sex life. Read the room fgs 😂

Pipsickl · 27/01/2023 13:26

I agree with other posters.

she will get bored of him. His life will not be rosy. This is what the gifts will be about.

try to block him and put it out of your mind. There is nothing to stop you from focussing on yourself and the good things to come in your life now you are rid of this dickhead.

if you can, take all that energy that you are spending on thinking about this, and put it into asking what you want now, and how to get it. He does not deserve any of your headspace x

5128gap · 27/01/2023 13:30

Rookiemama1 · 27/01/2023 13:16

Woah someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. Was trying to be helpful and give a different viewpoint to actually help. We get a bad name being younger women but I'll leave you to it. PS - love the lifestyle, the sex is off the scale, very happy woman, have a mentally busy job so happy for the slower pace of life and embracing every minute of it. Have a lovely weekend! :)

Show quote history

Not at all. It's not personal to me. Just as you wanted to helpfully offer the OP another perspective by demonstrating these relationships do work out, I thought I'd offer one to point out that they often don't.
And no, I don't give younger women a bad name at all. Not a big fan of the old men who chase them, especially the married ones, but I don't hold other women responsible for men's behaviour.

Mellymoon · 27/01/2023 13:30

He’s making himself look a fool trust me. And what he’s yet to learn is that when it all goes tits up- which it will- he will be left looking ever more foolish and regret playing his relationship out via social media. I can tell you this because unfortunately, when I was very young, I was the other woman. Sorry you are struggling. X

GougeAwayIfYouWantTo · 27/01/2023 13:31

You’ve received lots of good advice, OP, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you’re going through this. It’s painful and it’s shit, no more and no less.

Eyerollcentral · 27/01/2023 13:33

Rookiemama1 · 27/01/2023 12:36

Might get a bit of hate for this but honestly the best thing you can do is move on and try not to make assumptions. I think some people on here are being a naive in saying ah don't worry she's 26 it'll fade etc. I know it's to make OP feel better but they may stay together and she could get 'over it' on the contingent basis that it won't last. This is exactly what has happened me but on the other side.

My partner was with someone before me and had children and there's about 15 year age gap and I know people think he's absolutely smitten (as am I) so yes it does seem like a perfect wee bubble and to be fair to us it has been so wonderful, not perfect but amazing and we are now engaged and expecting a baby and he's the genuinely love of my life.

Just from (unpopular I know!) 'the other woman's' point of view (ps we didn't cheat he had finished with his ex before he even messaged me) don't let them see how much it's annoyed you. When we put up on social media about being engaged my instagram was private and my DP's ex got loads of her friends to try and follow me and all and I just, honestly for her, wish she would move on for her own sake. She hates me and my partner which to be fair I understand but we genuinely just want to see her move on and be happy and that starts with detaching from our relationship. If anything when she tries to be bitter or anything we actually get stronger.

Hope you find some peace and move on and be happy for you and your children xx

I am so embarrassed for you posting this. You sound about 14.

hereforwhatever · 27/01/2023 13:34

As soon as you hit that 'unfriend' button, you'll feel SO much better!
Honestly, it's completely liberating and is a small step toward healing. 😊

Scooby5kids · 27/01/2023 14:06

Blossomandbee · 27/01/2023 00:02

Honestly the best thing you can do is block him. I know it's hard and you'll feel curious to see what he's up to but all it will do is prolong your pain. Speak to him only for child arrangements, put your energy into your children, getting back on your feet and sorting out whatever needs sorting. Take back some control.
Flash gifts and holidays are superficial and don't mean anything, it's all for show.

This! You don't need to see this.

Scooby5kids · 27/01/2023 14:14

Get yourself new haircut and go on some dates. Don't look for anything serious, but just have some fun and rediscover who you are as a person and do some fun things. You're in the prime of your life and you're single again, go get your dreams! Screw him!

minou123 · 27/01/2023 14:58

Lobelia123 · 27/01/2023 06:42

From my own painful experience, the best thing is to reframe it in your own mind. At the moment you see him living a wonderful life in absolute rejection of you and the chldren and that is incredibly painful and degrading. But actually what you have lost is not this wonderful man, the travel and holidays, flash life and expensive gifts. You've lost a cheater, a liar, a fraud, an unfaithful partner and poor father to your children. You are the winner here. Head up, heart strong and pick yourself up and carry on. You will get through this. When things are tough, be kind toyourself xxx Go for a walk. Have a piece of chocolate or glass of wine. offload to a friend. I promise you that life will be beautiful and good again. This is the hard part, but it does pass.

This is great advice.

It reminds me of a post from ages ago.
A poster stated a thread and called it something like "Ha ha ha Other Woman (OW), you lost and I won".
The post was from a woman whose husband had been cheating on her and (long story short) the husband decided to leave the ow and go back to his wife, the Op. She was happy she had won her husband back and the OW lost.

The 1st post was "Congratulation op, you won a bag of shite"

TheaBrandt · 27/01/2023 15:09

Every woman and every decent man will be thinking he is a twat. She will have a baby and he will be right back where he started only poorer. My friends Dh did this then hilariously she dumped him so he had every other weekend with teen boys from his first marriage and toddler girl from his second. He even moaned to my friend his first wife ”who will want me now?”. Oh how we laughed.

Intrepidescape · 27/01/2023 17:01

Yes. After a very messy breakup (with cheating on his part) he got a young European girlfriend. She was tall, tanned, natural long blonde hair, straight white teeth, slim (but with big breasts). She was beautiful. They went to Europe together and appeared very happy.

I saw pictures of them together at a work ball that he never invited me to. Then the next year I saw her again wearing the same dress while he was wearing a different suit and I realised he hadn’t changed. He looked like a twat.

Then they broke up and she looked a mess. He left her with their two young children to raise - he never married her.

I saw her during lockdown in my country. She was coming out of a shop (while I stood in a very long queue to buy groceries) and she had a new boyfriend. I realised that he made her miserable in the end and she was finally out the other side.

Make sure you get maximum child support. There’s nothing you can do to stop the pain you’re going through. I know it’s so very shitty.

JackieQueen · 27/01/2023 17:19

Rookiemama1 · 27/01/2023 13:16

Woah someone got up on the wrong side of the bed. Was trying to be helpful and give a different viewpoint to actually help. We get a bad name being younger women but I'll leave you to it. PS - love the lifestyle, the sex is off the scale, very happy woman, have a mentally busy job so happy for the slower pace of life and embracing every minute of it. Have a lovely weekend! :)

Show quote history

What a spiteful and inappropriate post

ZaphodDent · 27/01/2023 17:23

I'm a man who looks back over his life and my single greatest happiness and accomplishment is my two DC, and being there for them every single day.

Your ex has exchanged the magical experience of you and his kids for skin deep beauty. What a chump. What a fool.

Sorry you're going through this, OP.

Brilliant advice from @Lobelia123

You've lost a cheater, a liar, a fraud, an unfaithful partner and poor father to your children. You are the winner here. Head up, heart strong and pick yourself up and carry on. You will get through this.

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